Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Words vs actions of what guy says he wants – do you believe what guys say?
- This topic has 4 replies and was last updated 3 years, 8 months ago by
Sylvia.
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Sylvia
I needed a new topic. So last year I went crazy on a guy (don’t comment on this) and later told him off harshly and accused him (don’t comment on it, we already did). What I accused him of he actually did later on. He is an example.
He was separated (after being married to for like 6 months – red flag), his wife was rich older, successful and from famous intellectual family. Old money. Red flag – after a wedding he took her surname! (maybe ha hated his father but.. sounds opportunistic). He told me he values intelligence and he hates made up women at clubs, called one of them “pig” and hated when I had clip ons on and heavier make up (he helped me unclip the clip ons literally, which was manly). I was stressed I was not good enough, not intelligent enough and insecure partly because her family.
Now I saw he entered a new relationship with a beautician. She has no intellectual(probably, seeing what she follows) curiosity just beauty ones. I met her once. Nothing wrong with that. She clearly like plastic surgery (starting from duck lips), seems confident and cold (resting bitch face) and well, does manicure and pedicure which was literally 180 degrees from what he told me he appreciates in women. I like my guy friend who told me “I like my women a bit stupid and petite”. It felt honest.
So now I’m even more sure to never change my personality for a guy but..
Do you listen to the guy’s words at all? Because here I was thinking my art and philosophy knowledge was too small for such a guy and he went after someone he knew already and hung out (red flag probably) who was he opposite of what he told me he wanted and appreciated.Lala
Who cares? If he’s the right guy for you you won’t have to ask these questions. You need to start asking if he is right for you vs are you right for him
Newbie
Youre comparing apples and peers and the outcome is like lala said: who cares? Confident women attract confident men and to conclude this beautician is probably stupid is once again an example of you judging others instead of improving yourself
T from NY
I agree with what has been said, that the right man for you, his words and actions will line up. And as for believing what men say – please understand – men are impulsive creatures who for the most part tend to live in the moment. A lot of times they mean what they say AT THE time and enjoy their time with a woman if she is making him feel good. And usually a woman is most apt to make a man feel good when it’s in the beginning stages because her feelings or hormones aren’t involved yet. But then, as time progresses, and she gets overly invested in the outcome of the relationship this can subtly (or not even subtly) change her vibe and cause the man to lose interest.
Also important to consider is – men generally don’t take as much time being introspective or over analyzing WHO they are. They don’t ruminate nearly as much as women do about their relationships. A lot of times they will think they know what they want – then meet a woman that makes them feel amazing and they no longer give a damn about a list of attributes.
Always remember that a man’s word is only as good as the following formula – words x action – over time. When they’re consistent with what they say and do for at least 3-6 months in the beginning and then as time goes on at each significant stage. That’s how you’ll truly know.
Sylvia
Thank you T for N I trust people’s words so I didn’t think about the factors you mentioned.
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