Will he ask for a second date?


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  • #371087 Reply
    Lynn

    Alright ladies I need some advice. I’ve googled and googled but can’t find anything that is close to what is going on right now.

    So Saturday I was contacted by a guy online and we chatted on through most of the afternoon. He asked me out and we went out on an early date on Sunday. The date went really well, lasted 4 hours. He text me later that evening, because there was a television show on that we both watch and we just chatted about it for a couple of minutes. Today (Monday) he text me again around 10am. Small banter back and forth, then he text again around 2:30, again, a bit of banter. I was really kind of hoping that he would have asked for a second date. I read on so many other advice forums where people will secure a second date sometimes at the end of the first or before the first is even over. He’s initiated contact a 3 times since the date (I have initiated none) so I imagine that’s a good thing. How long do you think I should wait to see if he asks me out again? I really don’t want to be the pursuer. Anytime I’ve ever done that it really doesn’t end well. Advice please?

    #371089 Reply
    stefanie

    He’s still in touch three times that he’s initiated. Sounds promising. Whatever you do though, don’t cave and ask him out directly.

    Google Matthew Hussey and get his free ebook about 8 texts to send a man. Genius.

    #371094 Reply
    Lane

    Hi Lynn.

    If a man doesn’t ask me out by the end of the first date I don’t fret nor care if I hear from him again. I clearly express that I hate texting when I meet them, so if he plays the texting game without solidifying another date (specifying a day, time and activity), I bow out and delete his number. However, if a man is truly interested he will lock down another date within a few days (give him some time to plan one), but if he doesn’t I would stop entertaining him and move on.

    You need to continue to live your life normally, make plans and stay busy to keep your emotions in check. If you’re into a guy way more than he’s into you then the odds of it progressing are slim to none. Don’t stress or you’re coming from an emotional place, not a rational one because you really don’t know this guy—he’s just a stranger you only met for a few hours.

    If it doesn’t appear as if he’s progressing towards another date by tomorrow then tell yourself “WHAT A BORE—NEXT”!

    #371176 Reply
    Lynn

    Well, I wouldn’t say I’m stressing over it. I already have a date lined up with someone else for tomorrow evening. So it’s not like I’m freaking out that he hasn’t asked yet. He knows I’m super busy with work (two jobs) as is he (two jobs). I did end up seeing him very briefly last night, although not a technical date. As for the texting, when we first met up, we actually had a conversation about it, how neither of us are phone people, and texting is preferred. I just always tend to be the pursuer, and I just need some support in keeping that part in check, the me lining up a second date part. So having always been that person, was wondering from other’s experiences, how long it typically seemed to take for the guy to ask for that second date.

    #371180 Reply
    Juliette

    Hi Lynn
    In my opinion there is definitely not a timeline where I would say okay he hasn’t asked by now so you should ask. HE needs to do all of the pursuing in the beginning. Guys are all different in their timing but I would think he would have asked by now. Just keep on dating other guys and looking for a guy who can give you the relationship you are looking for. How did seeing him briefly last night come about??

    #371197 Reply
    Ivy

    “How long do you think I should wait to see if he asks me out again?”

    To wait negative zero seconds. The minute that you tell yourself you are waiting for him, a man you just met, you are not in a super confident place.

    Also, you seem eager to move into pursuer role, you want to know if he hasn’t done what you want, asked you out, when you can move into that role without it seeming that you are doing the pursuing, that is basically the question you are asking. You might want to take a step back and ask why you even want to move into the role of asking him out if he hasn’t asked you out. You must realize that if he is texting you or even if not, he is certainly capable of asking you out so if he isn’t then there is a reason and you don’t need to take over that role. I hope this makes sense.

    So what do you do then? You do not wait for any man, ever! What you can do is go with it, you can be receptive to his taking the initiative. If you are unsure of his interest and this early on then you become receptive to his efforts. If he makes no effort, does not ask you out, then let it go. Don’t move into pursuer role to compensate for his lack of effort.

    #371215 Reply
    Lynn

    Well that’s what I’m saying. I DON’T want to be the pursuer. At all. I guess the more of “wait to see” is just like, how do I say this? Like if he still talks to me but hasn’t secured another date just to write him off, in a week? 3 days? I’m talking to and lining up dates with other men, so I’m not sitting around waiting for the phone to ring. But I don’t want to be the girl that looks desperate that if it’s been two weeks and he asks me out again, I accept. To me that says I’m willing to accept that kind of behavior. but if it’s typical for it to take that long, I don’t want to just write him off just because of a little thing like that. When clearly we do like each other’s company. Seeing him went well last night, and he came to see me.
    Just wondering from other’s experiences how long it seemed to take to get that second (or now kind of 3rd lol) date. I’m going to be honest, I’ve been out of the dating scene for a long time. I’ve never had a problem finding a man to spend time with, but I’ve always been the one to pursue things. And I don’t feel like I should have to. I’m a great person, smart, pretty, and if someone wants to be with me they will. But like I said, since I’m out of the loop, nowadays what seems to be the typical guy MO of asking for that next date.

    #371218 Reply
    LAgirl

    In my experience, the man either secures the next date ON the date he meets with you, or within. 2-3 days. Just because you are busy doesn’t mean he can’t plan it out. All the more reason to.

    #371226 Reply
    Lynn

    Thanks LAgirl. I have to agree. He knows I’m available Thursday this week. Only other day I had free besides the Sunday we met. He knows this because when he originally asked me out I suggested Thursday, but then threw caution to the wind and said, hell, let’s meet Sunday! So I would think, since I know that he knows I didn’t have plans for Thursday, that if he doesn’t set something up for that day or at least by that day for something next week, I could say goodbye.

    #371227 Reply
    Lane

    Like they say “a form of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and over again, yet expecting a different result.” I would do the OPPOSITE of what you normally do, stop pursuing, and allow the guy to come to you naturally and of his own free will because HE really wants to see you again, as some guys are just nice so you can’t properly determine their state of mind if you’re doing all the pursing.

    Its impossible to measure a guys interest in you if he’s not the one doing the initiating, planning and scheduling of dates. Here’s the best dating guideline: The MAN initiates, plans and schedules date consistently = high level of interest; the MAN DOESN’T plan or schedules dates = low to no level of interest.

    Here’s the thing about men, they pursuit women like they do everything else whether it be a career, job, car, hobby, etc. I like using the car analogy because it gives you a perspective on how men think during the dating process. If a man is looking for a red convertible (physical features), then he’s not going to put in a lick of energy or time on a SUV, sedan or pickup truck. Once the women fits the physical features (a must) that he’s attracted to, he then takes her out on a test drive (dates) to check out the other features (engine, cargo, dashboard / personality, wit, intelligence, goals, etc.).

    Each guy’s different so you don’t always know what appeals to them or not, but if he continues to take you out only then will you know if you’re hitting most of the marks. When you’re meet majority of the requirements he looks for as he get to know you better, only then will he purchase the car (commit). So although you may be attracted to a man, if they aren’t actively pursuing you then you’re they aren’t attracted to you in the same way. So if a guy isn’t stepping up it has nothing to do with you personally, its just that you don’t fit their criteria no differently than certain men don’t fit yours.

    This is why chasing a guy doesn’t work and why you need to sit back, let him do the pursuing so you can properly measure his true interest level in you.

    #371231 Reply
    Ivy

    “But I don’t want to be the girl that looks desperate that if it’s been two weeks and he asks me out again, I accept. To me that says I’m willing to accept that kind of behavior. but if it’s typical for it to take that long, I don’t want to just write him off just because of a little thing like that.”

    The problem is that there is really no formula so nobody can give you an exact answer, like if he doens’t ask you out after a week then don’t accept. You want exact, we can’t give you that.

    All you can do is take it step by step and be present, in the moment. For example, let’s say he said “Oh, sorry I have been out of touch, my mom was in an accident”. Well, this early on that would be reasonable to lose contacts with you for two weeks, you barely know eachother, and I would accept a date offer. Let’s say after 2 weeks, he says “”Hey babe, wanna come over tonight”, well that isn’t a date so unless you want to be his booty call you say no. So let’s say it’s 2 weeks and he says he’s been busy but you would like to meet for a drink, I’d say ok, and then I’d not get involved with him physically and really try to get to know him and see if he seems genuine and the kind of man I am looking for.

    This is why we can’t give you an exact formula, cause it depends on how it happens, how he communicates etc. Does this make sense?

    #371240 Reply
    Lynn

    Ivy, it does and thank you. It is all in the context I just needed someone to remind me of that. :)

    #562375 Reply
    Annette McIntyre

    After a long period of no dating, I decided to test the waters and felt really good about this date or at comfortable. The date went well, conversation flowed beautifully, a little hugging and light kissing. Nothing too forward. We both had a difficult time ending the evening. I thank him for the dinner and great company and made sure he knew that I would like to see him again, without just attacking him. Then, I receive a text stating that it was nice meeting and getting to know me and that he’s sure we will do this again. “I’m sure we’ll do this again.” That is like saying nice to meet you, but no thanks. I am so busy that I will not let this bother me, but now, how are you suppose to know. I am a Lady and keep hearing how beautiful I am. I am intellengent, articulate, funny, sincere, worldly, confident, spirited, caring and honest, those are the qualities I attempt to convey before meeting anybody.

    So, I can say, I understand what you are faced with. Just continue to be you. Don’t let anybody change who you are. It’s okay to be a woman, but make sure you are treated like a Lady. I know you wondered why, but men are unable to make decisions sometimes and when they do, it may be the wrong one or too late.

    I do not plan to contact the man that I dated, because he left it cold and was not that way on the date or on the many phone conversations. I feel that texting is cool for conveying somethings, just not for conversations.

    You are worthy and when you meet the right man, he will respect and acknowledge you as such.

    I do understand the shock of having a great date and just not understanding what happened. Makes you want to just confront him and ask what his deal is…poor English, but you get the point.

    #562379 Reply
    Tallspicy

    I stop responding to texts with no plans after a week, unless he up front explains why a date is not possible that week – travel, in town guests, work etc…

    The only thing that matters is how much time in person he wants to spend with you.

    #562383 Reply
    Shannon

    I’ve been on both sides of the coin with this one.

    I’ve had guys say something like that, then ask me out a few days later, then follow up a few days after that with the plan.

    I’ve had guys act all needy, ask me out again, then never follow up with the plan.

    I’ve had guys text me that and never follow up.

    Unfortunately, there is no way to tell. You just have to wait and see.

    #562384 Reply
    vanessa

    FYI The original post is almost a year old

    #562440 Reply
    g

    Almost two years old, in fact.

    #562445 Reply
    Jenny

    Well, its been too years. Did he ask you out again Lynnn??? If he hasn’t by now I’m pretty sure its over.

    #703821 Reply
    Casondra Noll

    I was actually wondering this same thing. I went out with an old high school friend for dinner and we talked and laughed for hours. At the end of the night he told me he wanted to see me again and kissed me goodnight before I left. He’s really busy with work, school and his child and we talk sporadically. He said he wanted to see me again and has implied a few times about future plans but has not asked me on a second date. Should I just give it more time?

    #703829 Reply
    L

    What’s the alternative?

    #703835 Reply
    Raven

    It’s been 3.5 years, the suspense is killing me!

    #703839 Reply
    Hannah

    Forget about old school friends. They turn up second to LDRs in persistent problems.

    If they didn’t like you enough the first time, why would it be better the second? The answer is desperation and loneliness, from both of you.

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