why does he toy with my feelings then leave me over and over

Home Forums Dating and Sex Advice why does he toy with my feelings then leave me over and over

This topic contains 6 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Newbie 9 months, 3 weeks ago.

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  • #779994 Reply


    I am in a very bad place, mentally & physically & I have no one to talk to. Im seriously very down, low, emotionally exhausted & confused. My ex keeps doing the same behaviours & I cannot understand why he does this and why I allow this.

    He told me a month ago, by text, that: “I won’t make you happy, I cannot give you what you need at this point in time, you deserve better, you are an amazing girl, its an overwhelming feeling to want someone and feel this way but have to let them go, I’ll leave you alone now”

    I responded “no worries, I understand, take care” and I cried, and accepted this. I never chase or cry to him.

    a month of no speaking he mails me today: “I miss you a lot, Im on holiday in France & I’m staying in a hostel” I respond “did you just mail to brag you’re on holiday?” he replied “no I thought you would be interested”

    He has a habit of this though, and I don’t know why. He admits he won’t make me happy, can’t give me what I want, he knows I take a break up badly (always have) and he knows I need space. He has done this so many times and I dont know why? Is he keeping me on a hook in case his single life doesn’t go to plan? Am I a fallback? An option? because he really doesn’t care at all, so I dont get why, if he isn’t wanting me, why he can’t leave me alone to heal.

    I know I need to make a clean break, and tonight I have blocked him on everything possible, so this will end now, finally. I just wanted to know why men do this? This has been going on for a year. If I dont like a man? I make a clean break and leave.

    He then? after I blocked him on everything? he always told me 6 months ago he deleted his instagram, tonight I am on my instagram and he pops up in my feed? He’s clearly lied 6 months ago, didn’t delete his Instagram, he’s reactivated this, and has posted photos on holiday but like the photos are weird, one is him drinking a beer looking at who ever is taking the photo???? Another is a plate of food half showing his meal and showing another plate in the picture too????? He also NEVER EVER uses Instagram and the reason he ‘deleted’ this months back was because he “never goes on it” – his last post to Instagram, excluding this, was over a year ago? I’ve blocked him on Instagram too now, but I dont get this weird behaviour – he doesn’t like me, so why? Does he just want to hurt me?

    Please go easy on me, I am very sensitive and I know I am my own worst enemy, and I really am going to try my hardest to break this toxic circle I am in, I just wanted to know why a man would do this because its confusing me and has and is causing me so much pain. I want closure. I want to know why, but I cannot ask him. Is he looking to hurt me?

    #779998 Reply


    Sad, most of us have gone through this in some shape or form. I am currently going through this with my ex who popped up after a month of no contact, and wanted to check in. Stupid.

    They honestly do this to seek validation, to know that you still care. It is absolutely for selfish reasons. Unless they are making contact and truly trying to work things out and expressing remorse, then any other reason is just pure ego boost. I am sorry to say it blunt like this. It has nothing to do with your worth as a person. People like that just can’t seem past themselves so they prey on someone who knows will give them the validation that they need.

    I am so proud of you for blocking him on everything. That’s the only way they get the message. Trust me long term you will be better off and be able to move on! Keep strong

    #779999 Reply


    Better question, why do you allow this …?

    #780000 Reply


    This is not about him, this is about You-

    #780002 Reply


    You’re showing great strength to block him. Well done! Do you feel you can keep it up? Or will you unblock?
    If you’re tempted to unblock, then I would suggest you take it one day at a time. Say to yourself I acknowledge I want to unblock and even respond or contact, but I’ll not make the decision now. I’ll wait till tomorrow. I say this because intense feelings pass and change and don’t stay the same. You’ll find there’s an ebb and flow to them, and try never to decide in the moment of peaked intense missing or emotion.

    Sounds like the insta thing is to connect with you since you didn’t show much of a response to his email and you blocked him on other cites

    Good for you. To block him on that too. You are taking control here. If the relationship didn’t work then and he’s going to try to stay on your radar then you’ll struggle to heal, whilst he has a bit of validation from you that you still care whilst getting on with his life and looking for love elsewhere

    #780011 Reply


    Like the saying goes “It takes two to tango.” He’s only doing it because you allow him to do it. The real question is why do you do what you do? There’s a reason you continue to engage which is only giving him the green light to engage. It appears the two of you have been doing this for awhile, on and off, yet the two of you keep perpetuating the same cycle because there is some form of benefit one receives by engaging in it.

    A man, in most cases, reaches out because they miss you, are feeling the loss or void, so they spontaneously contact you to lessen some of the pain they are feeling internally. Men do feel and they do hurt, they just don’t show it like women do so what you think is ‘mean’ is their way of trying to sort through their own emotions (pain, feelings) without having to show it. Men were brought up to not show weakness, be strong, so they are going through an internal tug-o-war match within themselves which is why breakups suck for both genders, whether your the dumper or dumpee, as we all grieve and deal with it in different ways.

    I remember saying the same thing you are saying after my divorce “Why does my ex hate me so much?” Thankfully a good male friend of mine told me “he doesn’t hate you, he’s still in love with you or he wouldn’t be doing it, he would show absolutely zero care, as if you never existed if he hated you.” Don’t take it personally, just know he’s struggling with the breakup too or he would show no care at all. I would stop all contact, grieve and heal in the way *you* need to heal and don’t let or allow his struggle to affect you. In time, when the emotions have calmed, pain has ebbed and your mind is clearer you’ll finally see that this relationship wasn’t worth the constant turmoil, that you made the right choice to get off the hamster wheel (toxic cycle) for good. Hang in there, it WILL get better!

    #780015 Reply


    Sad, you are almost there quitting this cycle for good. You said something witty when he told you he was in france and then blocked him on everything. Now you can make a list of why this guy is not a good guy. Personally i would put selfish on it first. He clearly knows you have feelings for him and keeps coming back after telling you he doesnt want a relationship. Thats cruel behaviour and not at all the behaviour of a man that trully loves you.
    Just keep him blocked on everything and focus on other things. Dont let him back in. You can do this

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