Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › why didn't he tell me?
- This topic has 68 replies and was last updated 7 years, 11 months ago by
Raven.
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Emelie
intuition; I hope it’s not the same guy, if it is, cause what i know is that his ex was married and they had an affair for 6 months.
Bedazzle; Yes, i can sense now he has major issues and i feel like he just is telling me over and over again and showing aggression, like it’s somehow my fault?
I feel like he wants me to pay “our” tickets back to his home country otherwise he can’t go back. I really can’t afford that, and alredy paying for 2 people food ,rent et.c i can’t spend anything on myself just working for basic living things. it was never this way before- So yes he brings financial stress into my life.Even if he had couple of jobs in his home country, it seems like he can’t keep them , he wants to go back and play poker again.
also he would probably go back to his ex mistress or any girl on the dating site if i leave him.. this means alot that everything i have done for him is nothing much too him, he dosen’t appreciate me? it’s like i’m missing the “love” from him. I don’t think he loves me truly, or how do you feel? i feel like he would be trying differently with me.
i feel like i need strength to sort this out . him changing is very hard i believe.
Juliette
YOU NEED TO LEAVE NOW!!!!
honestly this is ridiculous. you are already paying for everything and he makes you feel bad because you cant afford to pay FOR HIS flight tickets???
noooo waaaaaayyy
he’s manipulating you in order you do everything for himhe does not appreciate you at all, if he appreciated you he would find a job and start to pay you every cent back.
you need to end this and yes I dont believe he really loves you , he already chats online with these women you need to make him leaaave
but be careful if he already is aggressive
luckily its your appartment so youre in a good positionMy advice to you is to call a friend or better a male family member such as a brother and tell him in the presence of your friend or familyy member that he needs to move out right now!!
because if he gets violent at least you have someone around.hugs and good luck
make him leave NOWSun
The guy is a leech and you are an enabler. You could have gotten rid of him if you spent the time you spent to write about him. You have no right to complain when you are also part of the problem. This man is only able to do because you allow it. You can’t control another human being but you can control you. So start with yourself.
Bedazzle
No, I do not think he loves you.
This is not a reflection of you. He is not capable of love because he is such a mess. Because of this, he is using you. You are letting him use you.
Redcurleysue gave you really great advice. You need to get him out of your home and away from you. Do you have any girlfriends you could stay with?
Bedazzle
I do think your feelings about him are correct. Trust you intuition.
Remember what I told you, relationships are supposed to be fun and feel good. If they don’t, it is not a good relationship.
Vanessa
Emelie,
Everything the girls have told you has been said on all the posts you’ve made about your situation. Is this about the 4th post or so? Before it was about him mooching and being a drug user and wanting you to leave with him to his country. The other was about him on dating sites. And now this. Before you said that his mom would send him money to leave. You seemed to be done 2 threads ago.
Seems like you don’t want to kick him out, because if you do, he will go to his country and be with this woman. Girl, know your worth. You’ll be done with him when you’re ready, not when these ladies continue to say the same things over and over on multiple threads to get you to leave him.
Emelie
I’m sorry ladies, but it’s always something with him.
I need to find the strenght to leave i know this in my heart. Nothing will change if i go back with him to his country. He has still nothing there. And want us to live with his parents.Its like i can’t see him with his ex.mistress or some other woman on dating site if i dump him. it’s gonna mean everything i have done for him means nothing when he can replace me so easily? he acutally did this when i broke up with him last year, after 5 days he started again talking to his ex.mistress and multiple girls on the chat. He told them nothing about. And i was the one paying for our trip in Spain. I dont truly think he can find someone like me… eitherway, but i must just leave,
I just feel like i deserve someone caring for me too, not only me me give money for this and that. How can he be this messed up And myself, how can i ever wanted to be with him :/
i’m greatful for your support ladies. i just need it so bad.
Raven
Emelie… You DO have the strength to leave this looser/user!
You DO deserve someone who will love & care for you…
YOU have to believe it …
Emelie
I’m crying alot right now.
It’s like he makes me feel not worth loving no matter how hard i am trying and doing everything for him. When he had money he bought bag after bag of weed, never did he once say hey maybe i should this time not buy a bag and go and get my girlfriend somethings sweet and show here that i dnt have much money but i still tried my best. it’s always me doing things for him. but i will stop …i’m so hurt and feeling unloved.i must believe he will not change
Phillygirl
This guy needs to go, but no way do I think you should leave your home so he can move out. I would bet he steals anything of value, and destroys what he can’t.
I would seek the help of some big male friends to come over when I told him to get out, and I’d make him leave right then and immediately have the locks changed.
This guy is a bum with a capital B. We get the treatmnent we accept, and reinforce. He is using you, and this is not how someone who cares about you (even a tiny bit) behaves.
You definitely deserve better, but this man will always treat you like crap because you have shown him you will tolerate it.
It’s time to recognize what he is and what he is not. He is not a good partner or responsible human being. And if this helps you, please focus on this:
“You can’t lose what you never had”. This man is already involved (at a minimum emotionally) with other women, he is using you for a place to live, food, and someone to take care of him.
You are now his Mommy.
You don’t need this. You have to get him out so you can work on yourself and heal. As other’s have said, this is nothing but a toxic relationship and you are responsible for allowing this. But just because you’ve allowed it in the past, does not mean that needs to be your today… or tomorrow.
I really hope you stop finding excuses to continue with him and throw him out on the street where he belongs.
Raven
You will feel better once you rid your house of this trash…
Bedazzle
I am not sure what country you are in, but in the US, you can ask the police to come over while he moves out.
I am not trying to rub salt in your wound but to give you a reality check.
This guy does not love you!!!!
I understand you are feeling unloved, but start focusing on loving yourself. At this point that is the most important love right now. If you are feeling unloved, it is because you are not loving you.
kaye
Oh Emelie, how did you let this guy back in the door after you broke up with him last time?!? This man has absolutely NOTHING to offer you. There is not a single thing you have said about this man that makes him a catch or worth giving him your time!
And why do you care what he does after you dump him? Whether he goes back on a dating site or back to the ex mistress? You should be feeling relief and good riddance!! Knowing you are throwing the trash out to make was for a man who will actually love you and treat you like you deserve.
Emelie
The more i read these messages the angrier i get on myself for letting this go on, how could i be so foolish believe he loves me when he treats me this way and he sees nothing wrong with it. He said even his brother is married and that’s the girl you marry who takes care of you!
Plus he has a thing for married woman,which disgusts me….and his cheating and lying behaviours. He still sits online and check his ex out. I JUST MUST GET HIM OUT OUT OUT OUT OF MY HOME!!!!!!!! I FEEl anger towards him…!!!!!!!!!
kaye
Sometimes we have to get angry enough at ourselves for putting up with the crap to take action! That’s what it took for me after staying married to a verbally abusive alcoholic who hadn’t had a job in 8 years when I left my 23 year marriage!! I left and didn’t look back and I’m a point in my life where I have an amazing man who I’m in love with and he loves me and wants to marry me and I would never be here if I had stayed stuck with my ex husband.
Raven
Good Emelie! Get mad & take out the trash!
Hannah
Emelie, you know you should get rid of him and you have for a long time based on this and your earlier posts.
This guy doesn’t sound like he has the emotional maturity to really love a woman in a healthy way. But it doesn’t actually matter if he loves you or not. He’s no good for you and he doesn’t make you happy. Love is never enough.
Sometimes you can only give up when you hit rock bottom and get totally sick of the behavior. Like Kaye says though, it’s such a waste of time when you could be already healing from this and on the path to meeting a lovely man.
Emelie
Hannah; He’s no good for you and he doesn’t make you happy. Love is never enough.
That’s what it is. I know i’m giving love to him. But he’s not giving love back. I also feel he’s still stuck on his past relationships, especially one girl he’s checking up that cheated on him and is married and have 2 kids. He still looks at her facebook and they had a 3 year old relationship.
No, he dosent make me happy. I just don’t know why he keeps telling me he loves me when his actions speaks louder than his words, am i right?
Emelie
I told him to leave, he just starts crying telling me he loves me, he dont wanna leave his baby, it hurts him that i am hurt and so on…. i just don’t believe him? he’s hurt me too many times….
Raven
You can do this Emelie!
Hannah
Of course he’s going to cry. In sure he cares for you and he has everything handed to him on a plate while he’s with you. Why would he want to lose that? Be stronger or you’ll end up in this situation for years.
Emelie
i have so much anger inside me, i truly hate this man, i know hate is a strong word. he keeps lying to me constantly about this other women, AND MOOCHING OFF ME. i told him to leave, broke up with him 100 times already, he just DONT WANT TO LEAVE, he has no money to get a ticket home.. I SAID YOU CAN LET THIS WOMAN YOU ARE LIKING PICTURES ON FACEBOOK, pay your ticket, he also wrote in a message she is beautiful and wanted to hang with her, this he wrote while he was with me and we had a distance relationship then, I JUST know he lies so much …and im only cyring and hurting and he takes my money and tells me he will pay back. i dont want anything from him….just leave me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Raven
If you buy him a one way ticket back home… Do you think he would then leave you alone?
Once he’s gone, change the locks on your doors …
Newbie
Hi emelie,
Do you have friends who can help you? You really need to get him out of the house, but i doubt he will go without a strong hand forcing him to. After all, he has no money, jo job. He is a mooch and he took advantage of you way too long. It will ruin you, and that would be a shame. You can get your life back on track, be happy and find a great man that supports you instead of the other way around.
If you have some cash, i would even consider buying the planeticket just to get rid of him. From what country is he from? Is he hoping to get a visum for your country?Take care of yourself girl, you can do it
Phillygirl
This is ridiculous. Have some male friends come over or, hire some guys if you have to. Ahd physically throw this loser out of your home and your life once and for all.
This is all happening because you are allowing it. He can’t stay if you don’t permit it. Grow a backbone and kick his loser ass out!
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