Why did he cry when he was the one not wanting to commit?


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This topic contains 20 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  tammy 3 weeks, 1 day ago.

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  • #848015 Reply

    Camelia

    I decided to end things with a guy I have been dating for three months because I felt like I was developing feelings, and he had told be earlier that he was not a place in his life where he could commit to anything for numerous of reasons (recently single after LTR etc.).
    I told him I could feel that I started caring for him, and I knew this wouldn’t work with the kind of relationship we had going on.
    Then he didn’t say anything and suddenly he started crying a lot. He said he could see himself falling for me if the timing had been different and he had felt a bit in love in the beginning but he knew he was not able to commit.
    He then texted me afterwards that he was really upset, that he was not in a place in his life, where he had be with be, because I was really smart, sweet and beautiful and I had a lot to offer. Maybe our paths would cross again in the future.

    Of course I am really disappointed and sad that things didn’t work out between us, but I am really confused why he would so much and text me that, when he is the one “not caring” about the relationship.

    What to you think? Do you think he will come back?
    Did I do the right things or should I have given it more time?

    #848025 Reply

    AngieBaby

    This is remorse for letting go of someone you really like… but sorry, he hasn’t changed and he told the truth about not being available right now.

    You absolutely did the right thing. Keep going and don’t look back. If you have to block him for a while, do it. You have to make it clear to him that it’s best if he doesn’t contact you again, unless he’s genuinely in a place where things have changed for him and he’s interested in a relationship and available for it.

    If you’re meant to connect again in the future when he’s in a better place, you will.

    #848028 Reply

    Newbie

    Dont let a few tears distract you. Think about this: if he really wanted to commit to you, nothing would really stands in his way right? So the tears are just that he is sort if sad he isnt feeling it. I would personally be pretty turned off by it really. You did the right thing so keep going

    #848041 Reply

    Maddie

    I’m sorry you’re hurting, but you absolutely did the right thing. I’ve had men end things with me or not want to commit to me then cry because they know what they’re letting go of and feel sorry for themselves that their issues cause them grief, whether it’s through their own sabotage or from not feeling it enough for someone they know is a good partner. Usually this is a pattern for them and they’ve struggled with commitment issues in romantic relationship before, and it’s yet another failure for them that makes them feel negative about themselves.

    He may be being honest, that he’s on the rebound and temporarily emotionally unavailable and that he recognizes you don’t deserve that. If that’s the case, I agree with the above that if it ever changes he will let you know. But don’t stay in touch or reach out in the meantime. Assume it won’t happen and move on best you can. Even if he does come back, if he has unaddressed commitment issues beyond being on the rebound right now, he may just come and go again too, so it’s not worth assuming things can be different and waiting around. He’d need to consistently prove to you he was ready and serious, so him coming back may not even be a good thing if he’s still not. I’ve been there too — drama and time wasting.

    You picked a good time to end things, and it’s good he was honest and let you know early that he’s willing to let you go. Never date potential instead of the person and situation actually in front of you. You can do much better!

    #848088 Reply

    Beth

    I am in a similar situation. I am still weighing what to do. I took some time out for myself this weekend I think in the end I will be doing the same thing. Unfortunate, but it is what I need to do.

    #848141 Reply

    Vera

    I’ve had a guy cry when he’s the one who wanted to break up in the first place. It means he cares, but not enough .
    It really doesn’t mean any more than that .
    I’ve also cried when I was the one breaking things off . In the end , I was sad to lose them but I knew I couldn’t commit .

    Just keep going and don’t look back

    #848154 Reply

    Raven

    Crocodile tears…

    #848242 Reply

    Elvira

    Camelia I am a huge believer that timing could be off for certain things. In this case I don’t know how old you both are but if he has a lot going on and isn’t in the state of mind for a relationship it is understandable. His emotions could be that he does care a lot for you I can’t say in love because 3 months is not a longtime, but you can develop very deep feelings for someone in that stage. So maybe he did feel very emotional that he isn’t feeling the way he maybe wanted to at this point. Confused because his brain says she is great but the heart says something is missing. I don’t know if he will come back but you never know…if it is meant to happen it will. I had someone come back after breaking it off and I wasn’t interested anymore at that point. I eventually met someone I fell deeply in love with. So take this as a gift for yourself to be single and the opportunity to meet someone who is not confused about their feelings.

    #848479 Reply

    Lane

    He’s still mourning his last relationship, so his heart and mind is still dealing with a lot of inner turmoil. He’s riding the breakup tidal wave where he’ll feel fine some days and then not fine others—its a process people go through when grieving a loss.

    Breakups really suck. I’m sure you’ve gone through it yourself where the last thing you are able to do is fall in love again when you’re still in pain from the prior one. It takes time for people to fully recover from a loss, whereas breakups/ divorce feels like ‘a death’ but the only difference is they are still alive so it can be much harder to let them go knowing they are still there.

    He needs more time, and that’s OK, because those who properly grieve until they reach the stage of indifference (don’t feel any anger nor romantic love towards them) is what they need to do, and should do, before they fall in love again. There’s a saying “The pathway to love is very narrow.” Right now his ex is still blocking his pathway but eventually, over time, she will take less and less of that pathway up until another woman is able enter.

    #848482 Reply

    Camelia

    Thanks for your support everyone. I really appriciate that! The past days I really felt the “break up” but I am trying to stay strong, and tell myself I did the right thing, even though it is tough right now and I feel regret.
    For reference I am 24 and he is 25.

    #848959 Reply

    Camelia

    I just wanted to give an Update.
    I have been really upset the past days and started to miss what we had and him a lot!! I am starting to think that I made too drastic of a decision… that I should have time run it’s course for longer…
    Today he liked my Instagram post, which is the first “contact” since the break 1,5 weeks ago.
    Should I put any thoughts into this. Is it his small gesture of telling me he misses me or is it just whatever?
    For reference it was a book review, of a book he gave me once. I do book reviews quite often.

    #848974 Reply

    Caetru

    I know it’s hard, but don’t second guess yourself. You know what you want so don’t settle for an emotionally unavailable guy. He’s right, you are a great catch and he’s missing out on someone special. His loss. Liking a post on social media doesn’t mean he misses you and is ready to commit. Don’t think it’s more than just a friendly jesture. Unfriend him or block him if it is making it difficult for you to move on. Don’t contact him. If he does miss you, he’ll contact you. Right now, just to work on being your best self and finding someone who is emotionally available.

    #848977 Reply

    Newbie

    Nooooo, you miss him thats fine. But you were not drastic at all. You felt it, and once you did have the talk you told you he wasnt feeling it and he couldnt commit. More crystal clear is not possible. And not only need you to let it go for you. You also need to respect he said no. This is part of why so many guys ghost. Its easier than saying no and the girl not hearing it. You do realize if he wanted it, he could have said hel/ Yeah? He didnt. Even today, crickets.
    Then there is also your ego being a bit bruised he didnt see how fabulous you are for him. (And i dont mean this like youre a narcissist of some kind. Its just a thing even insecure women feel). Yes you are fabulous but not for him. Do i need to give more reasons about why back peddling would be a dreadful idea? Block him from social media if you give meaning to liking a post

    #848981 Reply

    Raven

    Did you specifically review said book to elicit a response from him …?

    #848982 Reply

    Newbie

    I didnt need to ask ravens question as im sure it played a part. But in that line of reasoning i can deduct you were hoping he would come running after you broke up and he didnt. I can understand his crying makes it harder but its still a let it go. Only and only if he comes back saying literally he misses you, wants a relationship and do everything to make it work, can you consider it. Because trust me, if he wants it he knows were you are. In fact he only did a like on a book review that i guess is personal for him, is a sign he doesnt feel it.

    #848983 Reply

    AngieBaby

    Read the post on the home page of A New Mode about 7 Stages The Dumper Goes Through.

    You 100% made the right decision. Stick to your guns. He was honest up front, told you he’s not able to commit and you shouldn’t waste any more of your valuable time on him because you only want someone who can commit. Hanging around hoping he’ll change his mind because you’re so awesome only LOWERS YOUR VALUE AND SELF-ESTEEM!

    If he changes his mind, he’ll be back… but only after he’s had time to miss you in his life. And only take him back if he’s offering something real. You don’t want to be just FWB.

    Liking something on social media means nothing. Don’t do anything. If you need to unfollow him or block him from seeing your posts (you don’t have to unfriend to do that) then do it. You need to take some time and space from him until seeing a post from him doesn’t trigger any feelings in you.

    #849125 Reply

    Clare

    I was in the exact same position as yourself Camelia.
    I ended the casual relationship this week, after a year. I wanted more & he didn’t unfortunately. It’s sooo hard to let go of someone you love & I myself have had many doubts if I did the right thing but I know I did. If you were to try & force things, it would only lead to regret from both sides. Be strong lovely, do things that make you happy & keep busy. You’ve got this x

    #849126 Reply

    Clare

    Please take on the good advice given in the above article and by other people on here,it makes sense x

    #851154 Reply

    Jess

    Hi Camelia,

    When a guy tells me he’s not ready for a relationship, then I move on. I don’t put much thought into what he does that involves me after the break-up. Yes, it hurts because I’ve been in this situation before. It’s a life learnt a lesson for me cos I was brought up in a culture where most of the guys are committed and if they like a girl, they go for her, and hope they’d marry her. Then I found this website, and I’ve learned so much about dating and relationships, as well as failed relationships in the past.

    I think he does like you and trying to get your attention back by liking your IG, but all you can do is just say thanks and ignore it. The guy I was with went out with another girl, then when that didn’t work, he thought he could get back together with me. He told me that there was no one like me, but I didn’t buy it because I know he won’t change. He is abusive to his co-workers and his sister even told me he’s messed up without going into detail.

    Hope this is a life learning lesson for you. Go NC for 30 days, and never turn back, you must have the will power and it will give you the chance to really find out if he’ll fight for you or not.

    Take care and be safe!!

    #851345 Reply

    Debsterism

    Please! Don’t waste your time wondering about his fake ass tears! That’s just game, setting the stage so he can pretend he made a mistake, he was confused, he is sad etc when he wants to roll through and jump your bones. I cannot believe all the women on this thread who fell for it. That clown 🤡 isn’t the least bit regretful and does not care about you at all. Stop romanticizing player games. He told you from the gate he wasn’t interested in commitment to one person. You played anyway, but that was the warning to leave him alone. You ignored it but at least you got out before you got hurt or pregnant.

    #851297 Reply

    tammy

    please don’t get swayed and stick to your guns. he didn’t end it u did. ofcrse he likes u and wants you around. you both like each other just that he doesnt want to be in a steady relationship and wants to stay non committal. if your ok with that than sure go ahead and give this a chnnce. but be ready to deal with the heart break when you fall more for him and he still maintains his ground of non commitment. ball is in your court. take it or let go.

    for whtevr its worth, i was in the same scene as you just this last week. he told me he was the casual type of guy and i wanted smthing serious. he suggested f*** buddies. i said nope. he thn suggested lets just stay frnds. for me thats ok since we stay in different cities. but yes if i have to meet him regularly than i am not sure if i would manage to keep my feelings at bay. in your case you are meeting the man regularly and seeing him regularly and romantically. most times when the man says hes not ready for a relationship, he means it.

    there is a possibility that some months down the line he may be in a better mental positn to be get into another relation. he may re-approach. but there are lots of ifs in that. ideally what you did seems to be the right decision in the given circumstances. so dont backtrack and dont regret.

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