Home › Forums › Break Up Advice › When you find out your ex cheated on you when you were togther
- This topic has 12 replies and was last updated 8 years, 5 months ago by
annie.
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Rosey
We broke up and have been no contact for a few weeks. Is it favorable for me to tell him I know he lied & cheated when we were together? OR is it better just to let it go. As I read on this forum an about dating a narcissist/my ex had some characteristics, I’ve replay scenarios of when we were together. It’s all coming together now… he was cheating, he was lying… When I confronted him he would twist it, he called me crazy and told me I had trust issues. My heart and pride are bruised. Now I may be crazy, but it’s likely he won’t care even if I tell him I know he is guilty. I don;t want to break NC. I’m have mixed feelings. What would any of you do?
Options2
Don’t get sucked in again by narcissist.
You want to vent , talk to your girl friends or counsellor.
He ain’t worth you time. Move on and find peace.
You should start reading books how to survive after narcissist. Tons of books out there. If you don’t read now, you can drive yourself insane.
Shannon
If he is a narcissist, he will get off on having you know just how masterfully he manipulated and deluded you. And he will enjoy being the continued focus of your attention. Don’t play into it. He’s not going to feel remorse or foolish, he will get off on your upset and will love having you know the way he played you. The worst thing for a narcissist is to be ignored. It’s a low blow to his ego. So don’t give into the temptation to contact him.
Rosey
Its painful to accept that what I thought was real, really never existed. I will continue NC. Hes the one who ended it so I doubt he will come back. Accepting that option as the best outcome, is difficult
Meriem Az
That happend to me too ! But just act like u don t care .. :) in the end he is the lost person .. don t be stupid and date someone else just to make him jealous he will think that she still cares ab out me .. trust me in the end he ll came back .. they are all the same .. and he will apologise .. but then don t act like u are happy just act like u reaally don t care .. he will think he really lost u .. either he loved u or not .. he will came back to you .. cuz he will miss u .. :) stop thinking alot just focus on you .. and try to change your look .. try to attract his attention acting like u don t care ..and stop chatting with him .. he doesn’t deserve u :)
Rosey
“you can’t lose something you never had”…fits my scenario perfectly. Thanks for all the advice. I already feel better, getting angry; I’ll take it as a positive sign of the healing process
redcurleysue
Sit down and write a letter to him. Take as much time as you need and write as many drafts as you want….keep at it until you have said everything you want to say exactly the way you want to say it.
Then it is up to you whether you want to mail it or burn it. The choice is yours.
Jordan
Went through the same exact thing. He’s married now, but I’m with someone who treats me much better. Brighter days will come for you.
Maria
Do not give him the satisfaction. If he is a narcissist this will only please his ego.
Ignore him, and later, much later, when he comes back, jokingly tell him that you knew all along, that it did not really matter, it was all not worth it anyway. Revenge is best served cold. lol
WaitWhat
Narcissists are fantastic at gas lighting people. I’d say for your own sanity, don’t even let him know you know.
My ex had a girlfriend for more than a year before we divorced. I knew, but had no proof. But when I finally got proof and told him, well, he twisted things and said some things that were just awful. In the end, I wish I hadn’t even said anything because I was left doubting myself… again.
I’m sorry this happened to you, but am glad you’re done with that behavior.
Laura
If you talk to him just to tell him that…you give him the chance to “explain.” Just keep it to yourself as a reminder of why you must never go back or look back…moving forward…
If you’re read about NPD…you know he will be back for a supply fix…don’t give it to him…it is better to ignore NPDs…let the new women in his life deal with him…you have better things to do…like watch paint dry. ;)
No seriously…you have insight the rest of the world does not…embrace that and let it silently move you forward.
annie
We met Sept 2012, he had just broken up with his ex of 6 years ( off and on )
June 2013 we were engaged and so happy. By christmas things changed after he was releiving in another Camp , 10 days out of our 28.December 2014 things were distance, always packing me up leave….then come back. I was away with my mums illness then passing mid June 2015.
In August 2015 a friend said he saw them together in a town 6 hours away on the long weekend in June. The Saturday of the long weekend my beautiful mum decided to call it quits and start the morphine…she passed away 4 days later. The Sunday of the long weekend was our 2 year engagement anniversary.
With telling him of mum that Saturday morning, I thought he would of driven straight up but instead was already packed to go drive 6 hours to see his ex.
He later admitted he had been ringing her for months.
It took me 4 months but recently forgave him. But I see the lies and feel the trust is gone.He wants it to work , but am I a back stop !!! Is he still contacting her.
Should I stay as engaged, or should I just go. He’s not very affectionate at the best of times. I miss the old him I met in 2012.
During our break in August for a few months,while i’m going through the heartache… he has been on a dating site.I don’t even know if he’s dated anyone.
He’s is turning 59 myself 57.
I’m home for christmas ….should I go back, I just don’t know
annie
We met Sept 2012, he had just broken up with his ex of 6 years ( off and on )
June 2013 we were engaged and so happy. By christmas things changed after he was relieving in another Camp , 10 days out of our 28.December 2014 things were distance, always packing me up leave….then come back. I was away with my mums illness then passing mid June 2015.
In August 2015 a friend said he saw them together in a town 6 hours away on the long weekend in June. The Saturday of the long weekend my beautiful mum decided to call it quits and start the morphine…she passed away 4 days later. The Sunday of the long weekend was our 2 year engagement anniversary.
With telling him of mum that Saturday morning, I thought he would of driven straight up but instead was already packed to go drive 6 hours to see his ex.
He later admitted he had been ringing her for months.
It took me 4 months but recently forgave him. But I see the lies and feel the trust is gone.He wants it to work , but am I a back stop !!! Is he still contacting her.
A counselor and others eg his Sister have said he is narcissistic
Should I stay as engaged, or should I just go. He’s not very affectionate at the best of times. I miss the old him I met in 2012.
During our break in August for a few months,while i’m going through the heartache… he has been on a dating site.I don’t even know if he’s dated anyone.
He’s is turning 59 myself 57.
I’m home for christmas ….should I go back, I just don’t know
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