Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › What is all this? Can't read him
- This topic has 107 replies and was last updated 8 years, 7 months ago by
SthrnBelle.
-
AuthorPosts
-
Sarah
Your only option Sam is to stop this texting fiasco. I promise you, this man will NOT continue if you keep going the way you are going.
Communicate in person, sit back. Don’t look into his texts.. ever.
This is your only choice. Your ONE chance. Listen to me, take a step back. Take back some self control. You are the woman, you are the one that’s supposed to be able to be relaxed in this mans presence. If he can’t make you feel safe and secure that’s when you spray and walk away.
Let me repeat again this is your ONE chance. Don’t continue this texting reletionship. Keep yourself busy. Then after a month maybe contact him again, and meet up on YOUR terms. Turn this around.
Samantha
Update….
So he txt me today saying he at Dubai Airport. Will arrive tonight.
That he misses me. Sending me a hug. That he hopes to see me.I replied… Not to much but said that it wd be nice to see him.
He then srarted a txt marathon …
Summarized sayin:
– if i wanna just meet after he arrived. For drinks. As its saturday night abd he soo cant wait seeing me.
– since he remembered i m very much into perfumes he said he just seen some victoria secret perfume. If i like victoria secret. So he will bring me some surprise….
– he said he really likes me. He wanna hug me. Sleep in my arms. Watch these old movies we both like.
– he said he is sorry he texted bit less. He did not want to get distracted as was such a importabt project / deal for him. But he said it went really well and the prep work plus time in hong kong went great and he is now back with full energy.
I told him that i m happy it went so well. He said he thanks me for my support as it helped him achieving that success.– he wrote some more sweet msgs and that he really cant wait seeing me tonight.
He said he even wanna hug me all day tomorrowSo… I think its sweet?
I dont think he plays….?Harley
It all sounds too fast and furious and over the top for me. He’s a player, I have NO doubt. IF… he were REALLY interested he’d have arranged a time and place for a date……..he would not mention sexual stuff, he would ASK outright WHICH brand of perfume you like. he’d… be phoning.
Seriously girl………….get clued up here. It’s beyond a joke at this stage. It’s ALL WORDS…………NO ACTIONS. WISE UP !
I bet……….he’s too tired to meet.
Oh………. and since I have to babysit you EVERY step of the way…………….DO NOT CONTACT HIM ! ONLY REPLY…………..IF HE SETS A TIME AND DATE AND PICKS YOU UP ! AND……………NO SLEEPING WITH HIM.
Samantha
He already set a time…
9.45 – 10 pm
Flight arrives around 8.30pm
I checked it and its true…
We had already 4 dates plus met his cousin / best friend and we did not have any sex till now.Hmm :////
I donno.
So would you just not go???Samantha
Ps – he lives very close to airport and me too.
I even move in the same neighbourhood as him in April.
We be neighbours then…
Found that out on first dateHarley
Yes…………..go for date.
Watch…………actions… not words.. does he pay for all, is he ok with not sleeping with you. Ask him if he is looking for a realionhship in general.. DO NOT MENTION ONE WITH YOU !.. if he is not sure……………..run fast !
DO not…………….go home and sleep with him.
If he is late for date, by 20 mins…………leave.. go home. DO not reply to a blah blah blah text.
On date………….tell him you hate texting…prefer phone calls…………he will get the hint.
BE CONFIDENT………………fake it if you have to.
Good luck
Samantha
He always pays
He wd never let me pay…
And i think he knows that he has to pay too as i wd leave a man who does not take the bill. I earn enough money myself but especially since he even earns much more and also in general i date only gentleman.Some friends say i expect to much bit I dont think so.
I ll definately leave this time if he late.
However, on our first date i had him wait more than 30 min in the cold…
2nd date he had to wait 20 min
3 date was 15-30 min late…So here i probably shd not be too strict today. Especially since you never know if planes are on time.
That he wanna see me first thing after arriving, that i find a good thing.
As i understand it (might be wrong) he wanna land, drop his stuff home and then meet.My ex did that…. Picked me up from airport late night after we just started dating. Was nice
I think my ideal scenario wd be –
Drinks today
Meeting tomorrow for lunch at his place.I m attracted to him physically too as he so romantic.
Huging me nicely. Kissing my forehead and all that whenever we meet.
Holding my hand.But if course, men do much for sex…
Today will be 5th date though. Hmmtalllady
If this man is in finance, find out what type. Traders have regular hours, investment bankers have very long hours. If he is of the type with long hours, you are going to need to be flexible, just like a corporate litigation attorney. If not you can’t don’t date him.
Samantha
He has indeed long hours.
He has his own trading company.they even make deals with the bank I work for.
I also googled if the key facts about himself and the company are true (he gave me his card on first date so had his full name and everything).
And it was / is all true….If i know a man is serious with me its no problem at all if he has long working hours as Ive so too….
My problem is that I hate that situation when your ,dating,… Then its getting closer to sex…
And you dont know for sure what he wants…..
I dont wanna have slept with 10 different guys until im 30… If you know what i mean.As well i always feel miserable if someone is trying to use me and that again distracts me from work which is really the last thing I need…
Then again I ve waited very looooong with sex in my past relations but still it means nothing / is no guarantee.
So since i m 29 i m kinda asking myself if i want it and he wants it why not have it on 5th or 6th date?Harley
WHY wait for sex ???,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,BECAUSE…………..by the way you post here, quite frankly you sound an insecure mess, and NOT able to handle sleeping with a guy……….and then he disappears or dumps you. You are waaaaay too invested in this guy and will not take rejection well, I fear… IF he dumps you.
A confident girl sleeps with a guy when SHE knows without a shadow of a doubt it is the right thing to do and she can handle the rejection the next day,I’m super confident, high enough self esteem I like to think, slept with an old mate recently.. was FINE about it being a one night stand the next day………then DAYS later………….realised I had fell for him heavily. I’ve NEVER had a problem with one night stands in the past and the going nowhere. This one threw me for a loop.
So………I worry YOU are not ready. If you get to know this guy FIRST, then sleep with him, LEARN how to do a healthy relationship………..perhaps this will stand a chance.
Shariefa
Woah. Samantha your messages are crazed a little. Just breathe and let things be.
Harley is right though, needing constant advice is not good – you have to decide on your own what things mean and what do do/say.
Shariefa
What to do/say*
Samantha
I think you are both right.
Its getting so unnatural. I m overanalyzing everything. Takes all the charm :/
Re sex –
I think i had some issues with that topic. No idea why…
In my past relations hardly had any and it made the guys (understandably) crazy.
Months / yrs without sex.But for some reason this guy now he has stgh that even attracts me sexually. Cant explain.
He is so romantic, protective and sweet. I just feel like being in his arms all the time.I m also tired of that ,you shd wait thing,.
@ Harley – I think you right. Women shd have sex if they want to and if a man cant handle it its anyway not one you wanna be with.
Since i did not have so much experience its the attachment scaring me off i guess.. Lots of work and cant really need a heartbreak now.
But on the other hand sex is supposed to be good and since i have lots to explorer i shd probably not think to much anymore and just go for it :)Samantha
Hi there
So… Yday he txt me immediately after he landed…
He just quickly went to drop his stuff home and we met at a bar close to both our locations.We had one drink then went for late falafel dinner nearby.
It was really nice and he was saying that his cousin / best friend sends me greetings.
That he thinks is good we are seeing each other.So then we went to my place.
Ended up kissing, cuddling, touching, sleeping in each others arms all night.
He told me that he loves me – more than one time.
I was in the mood for sex but he wd never have it without condom and we did not have any so we did not have sex.When he thought I m sleeping he was kissing my forehead, laying his arm around me and put my hand on his chest as well as covering me more with the blanket.
He in general hugged me alot and nicely.In the morning we talked alot as well.
Was really really nice and we really seemed to match with our views on ideal relationship / relationship partner.Around 11am he had to live. He said that he wd love to see me later so he wd go, change, get unpacked etc and i hear from him in evening.
As well he mentioned, if i accompy him to a romantic city trip to paris or amsterdam next weekend.
It felt so good. So real. So natural.
But unfortunately did not hear from him yet :(
And its 8.30pm now.
However, he was not online on watsup since he left so he might be sleeping.
What do you think?
Diane
This guy is a liar, top to bottom…
Trip to Paris requires planning months ahead, buying tickets, booking hotels…. It is totally irresponsible for him to suggest that when no planning has been done at all..
Hope you are that stupid to buy into that… Sorry to be blunt…
Being in finance for 10+ year, let me tell you whenever someone claims to be a trader, my radar is on bright red…
Samantha
He is really a trader…
As said, he gave me his card on first date and i checked ALL on google.
Nothing he said was a lie.We live only 2hrs by train from paris…. So its not a big deal. Can be booked 2-3 days in advance
Harley
I think he said ” I love you ” FAR too early.
I think…………YOU THINK too much. You honestly sound crazy and far too wrapped up in all of this.
Of course…………..he is on best behaviour and YOU are falling for it………….wait till the “real him ” comes though and see if you can be sooo crazy about him then.
LOOK at you/LISTEN to you…………..paranoid because he has not called yet !
YOU………….are not in control of yourself AT ALL. THIS relationship will go down the tubes just like the other ones………….because YOU are waaaay to intense/over the top……………….NOT watching actions over a long period of time. YOU………need to hold back here a LOT more.
I’m sorry to be so “down” on you, but I just see heartache ahead unless you learn to approach relationships different.
Samantha
:-(
Yea guess i m really over emotional. OMG:-(
Still though I think he was / is too nice to just be in it for sex?
I ll try to cut down. Concentrate on my work.
Donno why its so damn hard for me. i m usually really not a needy or dependent person at all.
This happens always and only if i develop feelings for someone :/Harley
I used to go to crazyville like you ( no offence lol), I’m just trying to protect you here. It’s EARLY days. Yes………..it looks good, but you have to protect your heart until a guy proves himself a lot more. 3 -4 mths it settles down, you are not even half way there yet.
If you make it all too easy for him.. with the ” I miss you”, “I’m always available( means…….I have NO life), ” you tell him all your feelings/plans for the future”………..a guy gets bored and moves on.
Keep it light, fun and flirty. DO NOT say you love him…………….for months. Stay busy, if he don’t call……………..don’t worry…….keep him ON his toes ! Don#t make it so easy for him to ” get you”
Samantha
Ok I will really try to do so now. If you managed to change I hope I can do so as well :-)
If he ll still txt today / when he wakes up I wont look at the txt and respond only sometime tomorrow.
I m really busy – especially with work – but last week could hardly concentrate.
This really has to change.
And if he really likes me as he says, he wont run If i m not always available.Its crazy how one single person can manage to completly loose control over yourself.
Harley
Yup…………….crazy. learn to pace the relationship. I used to go crazy over every little word or action..now I know better………TIME and CONSISTENT actions show a guy’s true worth. We build it all up in our head…..or I did at least, when we need to watch “reality” more.
just try to distract yourself, go with the flow, see if you like his personality and values/actions over time, if he calls you,GF, takes you out on dates……………….staying in cuddling so early on is a bit lazy. THIS time………..I understand, he’s tired from flight, but so early on a guy should be wining and dining………….not staying in on sofa/bed.
TC
Paris is indeed not far if you live in Amsterdam.
I don’t think he’s lying, but you really need to calm down…enjoy the moments
Free Spirit
Hi Samantha, I certainly could see chasing on your part The moment he didn’t follow through, I would back way off. Don’t worry if he doesn’t text every day, but make him work for you and your attention.
Free Spirit
I read all the posts. I sense a guy who is not true to his word Maybe I am wrong, but seems like a player.
Free Spirit
Samantha, you are the prize The way everything happened, I wasn’t feeling that you haven’t realized it yet and he was in total control. You are the one with the power. A guy has to show he is DESERVING of YOU.
-
AuthorPosts
