Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › What is all this? Can't read him
- This topic has 107 replies and was last updated 8 years, 7 months ago by
SthrnBelle.
-
AuthorPosts
-
Diane
He is try to fade …. Move on
Samantha
Hmm
I thought of that but each contact was initiated by him… Each date…Why wd someone ask you out and then trying to fade?
It was himself chatting me up yesterday :/Wouldnt someone who is trying to fade act even more different?
You know like just completly stop contact or say one of these phrases…
,,i m not ready for a relation,,Samantha
I cant believe it :( i did never reply to his txt yesterday but did not hear from him at all…
Not even a sorry
Nothing
And he is online constantly
I know guys vanish… I know guys loose interest…
Yes…. I do…
But come on how can a guy initiate dates… Say he misses you…. Set up the date and then just prior / 30 min ahead of the date pull out with the ,have to work longer excuse, …?This is crazy… :(
Diane
I went thru 2 very diff guys in the past 12 months… One interested and one not..
The diff? The one that is interested is very consistent… Everything points in the same direction ….
The one that is not interested sends out mixed signals and got me analyzing all the time…and I believe that is what you are going thru here
Samantha
Its funny … Speaking of the devil he just txt me.
I know its not cool to publish a txt but hmm:
Hi there
How are you
Hope you are doing good
I managed to clear lot of work
I appologize for not being able to meet but was in a difficult project
Now better!
Hugs
Missed you and nice momentWould you / what would you reply on this and if when?
Immediately? Later?There is one thing… Yday he said he might have to work till 11pm.
I went online just to check and he was indeed online at 11.30pm…However….
When re-reading trough all txt from begin, ive also noticed that he was super nice and cute and I was kinda giving mixed signals and sending very long messages sometimes too… Like really long…
Stefanie
Samantha… you’re trying to find logic in something that isn’t logical. He’s probably on the site trying it on with a lot of women. This is too much trouble honey. I”m sure you can find someone better.
Diane
Samantha – you are trying to convened yourself that he is into you…we have all done that at one point, so no need to feel embarrassed , just need to realize that ..
This is not to say that you can’t talk to him no more… Just dont hold off your life for him, live like a single person because you are.
He is not that interested, me looking on from outside
Diane
To your question on email back, I don’t ever play game w anyone… I respond when ever I see it..
Don’t offer up to meet… Just be nice and polite… And move on w your own life
Samantha
Ok.
Is just if i read my old messages i could slap me cause it looks like he really started distancing himself a bit after i sent these long long txts…He was really nice… He was really pursuing me at that time.
He was also physically very attracted to me but said if i wanna wait he can wait… I will / shd come to him when I m ready…
Maybe I shd try to be really hard and not respond so that he will start wondering and get his interest back?
Diane
Not sure if strategy would work… If it is a good match, you never have to use a strategy to begin with…
I am going to say it has less to do w how good you are, has more to do what his mindset is… Whether he wants a relationship or not… Just because he said he is ready does not mean he is…
The only reason you acted needy was because he gave you reason to… With my current guy, he is always so consistent that I never had to feel needy…I was needy with a guy who kept sending me mixed signals… In the end, he was not ready for a relationship…
Samantha
Well I could not leave it and just sent him a very short and unemotional txt to his last one saying stgh like –
Hi
Tx. Doing good. Project going very well. Enjoy your time in hong kong.He then replied immediately few txts saying summarized –
Thanks. Thats great to hear.
I be back on the 7th and certainly looking forward to see you!
I m happy about your project and i wish you all the very best with that. I m sure youll do a great job!I think that response was okay? I dis not reply though. Waiting for him to get in touch.
However, his ,wish you all the best with that, makes me so insecure. He said this one before related to another work topic of me and thata exactly when I started the emotional and endless ling txts towards him…
When he is saying that it makes me feel like he does not planning to be part of my life ling term despite he always says stgh complete different when we see / saw.Am I / was I maybe overreacting?
:(Diane
Way over-reacting…. You are turning what should be a relaxing/sweet experience into brain surgery…:-))))
Samantha
Ok I see aww
Men told me that in the past – that I am way overreacting / interpretating negative things into things that are not even negative at all…
I ll really try to take it step by step. Just letting it flow.
I ll not run after him and as up till now let him take the initiative for dates but still I am glad that I seem
To not have completly lost his interest…On our first date after breakfast i told him the time he cd pick me up for lunch when he asked…
I was late and he had to wait 30-40 min outside in the cold for me…On our second date he txt me enough time ahead that he wd run 15 min late.
I immediately read into that as de-interest from him / unpoliteness and responded that we cd also cancel if he wants to…
He then replied like no no no lets meet today I really wanna see you. I m leaving in a bit. See you.I then just replied ok and left late myself that he even had to wait another 15min for me alone in the bar…
When I entered i sat down and said without saying hi – well – i m kinda stressed / still at work with my mind . Maybe i shd just leave….
And he held me back…The evening still turned out great but I never appologized…
Plus these overemotional txts after he just wished me all the best with stgh work related :(((
I feel ashame for that now :((
But it happens alot such incidents and men always say they need lots of nerves with me.However, despite everything – its fine i did not reply back just now and still let him pursue me / let him suggest the next date when he is back or do you think I ow him?
Harley
Samantha…………. HAVE you done any therapy ??? No offence, but you sound like you need it.Or some SERIOUS self esteem, confidence and empowerment. Your posts are cringing to read. You sound like a juvenile 8 yr old in the playground.
Get with the plot here. cop on. READ up on how to date, be cool, flirty, FUN ! NOT the over-wrought bag of nerves you are.
This guy sounds like a complete ass. You are chasing, chasing, chasing…. and of course he will reply for an ego boost.
SIT BACK. NO MORE TEXTING. IT’S A HUGE TURN OFF ! SEE if he contacts AND turns up for the date……….. my bet is………… he cancels again.
YOU………………are NOT listening to one word we are trying to advise you here.
Samantha
Hi Harley
Hmm my ex and I did some counceling cause we were both extremely jeaulous et.
I dont wanna go into it here but comes all from childhood.However, i really dont have issues meeting men or catching a man’s interest. Its more the opposite…
Men talk to me alot, try to date me, married men wanna have affairs with me,…Usually I dont respond to all that. I m a decent, quite successful for my age, down to earth women and not so attracted to all these superficial things…
Thaz guy now caught my interest when he was talking to me cause he seemed so nice, same interests, funny, grounded, good talks etc…Apart from last week he really was not acting lile a jerk. At least it does not look like in my eyes…
I mean he stayed in touch, he set up all dates, he bought me earrings as a surprise, introduced me to his cousin / best friend…But i feel like he changed a bit after the long long txts…
But still he wd txt and ask how I am and how its going at work etc.As well dont forget that we did not have sex (yet).
But yea, i ll lean back and wont do anything now aww :/
Harley
Yes…………..lean WELL back. The long texts probably made you seem needy and insecure… the content may have turned him off. Texting is crap anyway………save the convo for when you meet in person !
Samantha
Yes that is better. Though, how often I made the same mistake grrrrrrr :)
And even lots of my friends (guys and girls) have the same issue – they send too long / many txts and later regret it bit then its too late…
Awww
Harley
Write a list of what keeps going wrong in your relationships.. and what you think/know you do wrong. Stick it up where you see it every day………..it should sink in eventually and hopefully stop you from doing the same form of insanity over and over again.
i.e over texting.. too often.. too quick in replying.. too long.
chasing men.
asking them out( perhapa!).
guys say you are insecure, needy, nagging, not confident, negative ( all,none, some perhaps !!)
that type of stuff.
Samantha
Hi there.
Unexpected update…He just sent me two pictures from hong kong. It were city pictures with lots of lights. When he sent them it was already like midnight in HK… So someone thought about me :)))))
I replied to him – almost immediately :((( grrr – that this looks really awsome. How he been? That i miss his presence.
He said he is doing good. How I am? That he will be back on the 7th, well actually the 6th in swiss time.
That sounded to me like he was indirectly asking me out… / expressing he would like to see me but cause I was insecure to ask i just replied –
Would be nice to see you soon. I m good. Will take my grandma to art gallery during next week.He was like –
Yes would be great to meet soon.
Youve such a loving nature. I miss you.
Can you send me a pic of yours?I sent him… Ask him for one in return and he did…
So what do you think?!!!,?????
Harley
Read Lagirl’s advice of the 25th.
ARE YOU listening to any of us here ???
STOP……….saying you miss him………insecure and needy
12 midnight………..he probably drunk…………stop reading so much into it.
Let him chase you…………..stop making it so easy for him.
Honestly…………I give up here. Your posts are ………….IDK WHAT they are………..a mess !
READ the articles of how to be cool etc.
You are handing yourself on a plate to this guy…………..to treat you like shit.
Don’t wear your heart on your sleeve.
Samantha
Ok aww :///
I guess i feel / felt guilty that i wasnt nice to him on our 2nd date and also kinda acted distant in between…That he was drunk I dont think though… He does not drink much at all… Really…
Samantha
Just one thing .., sorry if it sounds like a dumb q…
If he says he misses me…. Sends hugs…
Is it then not giving him the impression that Ive no interest if I dont return those / such words once in a while?
I know he has to chase me but i just also wanna avoid to push it too far if you know what i mean…
I often seem distant to people (in general and to men) so its not that I m someone who very easily flirts and is very attached….
On his last longer msg(s) from friday i did not reply so it was him texting again today without having heard from me…Harley
Your NOT replying to the last text……………kept him interested.
So NEW to a possible date.. he says hugs .. blah blah blah…………trying too reel you in………..see HOW interested you are in him………….show TOO much interest………he gets bored.
YOU COULD have JUST replied *”Thanks………. or…….. that;s good to hear “.
I’d have just said ” thanks”.. YOU are being waaaaay over eager………AGAIN.
Stefanie
Samantha. Way way too much texting.
Either listen to what Harley and others are saying or stop posting. If you are going to carry this behavior on and then ask what we think over and over again, it’s really pointless.
Harley
yup…………..pointless. I feel for you Sam but it’s head wreaking trying to give you a step by step manual on what to say.
You have to learn to take control of some things…. yourself.
-
AuthorPosts
