We always seem to get pulled back together

Sorry to sound harsh, but the only thing that’s ‘pulling you back’ together is your lack of boundaries and self respect, to know not to settle for less and for breadcrumbs from a man.

He didn’t open up to you per se,he wanted sex, thus he created a false sense of intimacy so he could smash.

He feels comfortable with you because you’re an easy target and have zero boundaries.

And No, YOU can’t be friends, that ship sailed a long time ago when you caught feelings and when you smashed.

Walk away from this situation without looking back. That means don’t text him, call him or show up on him.Start cultivating meaningful relationships with other people who see your value.

Don’t lower your standards for anyone. Know your self worth and stay away from men who don’t value you, you deserve better than this.

Look up the search term “anxious-avoidant trap.” That describes your on and off drama and situationship dynamic and why (him being a jerk and even you being needy). This will stay toxic if you let it.

The above advice, “Also, you’re not getting “pulled back together” by some magic external force. You’re an active participant.” is excellent and key. I’ve been in dynamics like this and felt a pull, like it was happening to me and out of my control. It’s not true. You just need to take responsibility for your boundaries and decisions, which probably means deciding to walk away from a toxic dynamic and sticking with it. That’s what gets you out of time-wasting and crazy-making situations like this and allows you to stay out of them and away from non-committal men like this in the future.

Just to update:

Thank you everyone for your advice.
What happened when we last had sex was he told me that “he felt more comfortable with me than other girls”. I didn’t push this but for him, it seemed a breakthrough.
The other day, after an evening of cuddling, he told me that he only said this as he had had a few drinks and that once again, it is never going to happen. I told him that I don’t need him to be my boyfriend, but am just trying to support him through his issues and enjoy some of the FWB instances.

Today following our last conversation, I restated that I want to support him and him to be happy but that I don’t want to see him anymore if he can’t be consistent.

Although I am hoping this will lead to some real action here, where he does start to open up more (I’m still not concerned about needing a girlfriend title), I’m also happy to just keep walking. As much as I care about this guy, I feel like he won’t listen to what I say without me walking away and will only ever see me as someone trying to ensnare him.

Regardless of what happens I’m glad I shook things up and was assertive for myself.

Ugh to him. The two guys like this I’ve been involved with, one quite seriously, both pulled the same crap on me. Breaking up, downgrading me to still date or hook up without labels, saying all sorts of sweet things about how they felt about me, then turning around with excuses and “taking it back” (usually, but not always, the excuses involved drinking). Dodging any real responsibility for their actions or feelings and dodging any commitment. I got back together with the serious relationship one anyway even after something like you just went through happened after intimacy, and it was just awful. He ended things again in less than a month and pulled the rug out from under me with 180 degree contradictory behavior like you wouldn’t believe after he took the initiative to reconcile.

This just won’t go anywhere or meet your needs, and he’s not going to ever firmly close the door because his boundaries are too weak. Save yourself the trouble and heartbreak. The idea of supporting them and enjoying some benefits and being okay without commitment is a nice idea, but nothing you do will change his behavior and inconsistency at all. Which means, since you want consistency (as you should!), you’re not really okay with it. The only thing you can change is your own situation, which will be by leaving this anxious-avoidant trap and moving on. Speaking up for yourself and being direct is a good step forward, but taking all the steps to cut him out will be even better for you.

I cut this man out of my life, and as Maddie said it was the best thing I did for myself!

“Move on, close this chapter of your love life and find a man who will give you what you want in life. I guarantee when you find him, none of this drama will be part of the story.”

So true! When I dealt with my own stuff and stopped dating men like that, suddenly there was no more drama. My relationship now is the easiest! I’ve taken my dating life off of “hard” mode by consciously deciding to leave inconsistent men behind.

Maddie, I did that, too. I actually took a long time off from dating, worked on myself inside and outside and got to a place that I was really happy being on my own. (It took me a long-a** time!) Then I started dating again and it was like night and day. It was so much easier to separate the wheat from the chaff.

I found myself ending things much earlier with men I didn’t mesh with in regards to things that were important to me, yet giving men who were what I wanted more of a chance and my time. I always was kind (I didn’t ghost but that’s a personal choice when you date — I personally felt better closing that door with a kind goodbye).

I did find a great guy who is just what I wanted. But I would not have found him if I was still entangled in this type of dramaddiction. That’s what this original poster is doing.