This topic contains 105 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Emily 1 month, 4 weeks ago.
February 8, 2017 at 9:35 am #599784
So I’ve been seeing this guy for almost 2 months. I realize it’s not that long. We talked every day, and saw each other as much as we could which was really only once a week.
We had sex for the first time last week. Ever since then he hasn’t been writing to me as frequently or even go so far as not responding at all when I wrote nice messages such as “hope you have a nice day babe” etc. Something feels off. He also hasn’t asked me to hang out since and it’s been about 6 days.
So last night I texted him and asked him if everything was okay. He didn’t respond at all. It’s not like him to not respond.
As I did not hear back, I decided to lay my cards on the table. We’re in our 30s and I don’t want to play games.
I told him “hey, well I’m off to bed. I like you, I want to spend time with you and I want to get to know you. I don’t want this to be only physical. If this is too forward, so be it. And If you’re not on the same page, there are no feelings. I don’t judge. I’m a good girl and have a hell of a lot to give. I hope there is enough mutual respect for you to respond and not ignore me. Good night”
I never heard back from him. Did I push him away ?! I mean if I guy truly likes a girl, he’d want Roy see me more than once a week right ?! And he’d make sure I know he likes me. Am I overreacting or being too needy?!February 8, 2017 at 9:40 am #599785
Sounds like he didn’t like the sexFebruary 8, 2017 at 9:48 am #599786
Sarah it is extremely rude for him not to respond. I have noticed the more you push a response from someone the more they will ignore.
My advice right now is to let it go. For him to pull away after sex seems very odd since you were dating for 2 months.
If he doesn’t respond then you know that his intentions were not solid and if he was simply after sex then he is not the guy for you.February 8, 2017 at 9:58 am #599788
Yes, you’re acting WAY too needy and are chasing him big time. When a guy ignores you ONCE, the ONLY digified reaction is to move forward yourself. You’re interviewing him to see if he meets your needs, not the other way around. You need to read up on male psychology in dating.February 8, 2017 at 10:07 am #599789
Honestly I’m in my thirties and playing a chasing game is exhausting. Why is it that being straight forward with a guy is needy?
I mean having dated for 2 months (never had the exclusive talk) is it needy of me to want to see him more than once a week ? We never talked about how we felt for each other.February 8, 2017 at 10:12 am #599790
You are not getting what chasing is… read a book like It’s Not Him, its You.February 8, 2017 at 10:12 am #599791
It’s not needy.. he just isn’t showing high interest. So it’s pointless.February 8, 2017 at 10:14 am #599792
Zero interest!February 8, 2017 at 10:14 am #599793
I have to be honest. When a guy stops reaching out and starts ignoring texts, he’s doing what is called a fade out. This is to prepare you for him ghosting and or pulling the plug. For some reason THEY think this is less hurtful and dramatic then straight up telling you they’re not interested anymore. What makes your message needy is he was already demonstrating a lack of interest and you were already demonstrating that you were interested. You didn’t need to lay your cards on the table; he knew them. Look at it from him point of view…he’s pulled back, he’s unsure if he wants to continue, kind of feels you’re being clinging and doesn’t know that a relationship is what he wants. So in the middle of thinking he gets an message from you that says “I really like you and want to spend time with you and have a relationship with you…” do you understand why he might freak out?
At the end of the day however I don’t think it has an impact on the outcome. He’s fading. Now he appears to be ghosting…which means you’ll never hear from him again. It’s not anything you did. He clearly doesn’t want the same thing you do and instead of telling you straight up he’s going to take the coward’s way out.February 8, 2017 at 10:16 am #599794
Don’t have sex with a man until you know his intentions. He saw it as casual and you see it as more. That’s why he isn’t responding.February 8, 2017 at 10:20 am #599796
Been there done that
Sarah… how do you know that you guys were dating each other? How do you know that he was exclusive to you? How do you know that he was talking about you as if you were his GF? Here’s the problem with us women, when the guy shows interest in us, sees us day in and day out and always texts us we assume that they are our BF. In two months he thought about it. Had sex with you and started fading out. Why would you message him nice things? Why can’t you accept that he isn’t interested in having a relationship. It isn’t that he didn’t like sex… someone has to be really bad in order to turn off the man while having sex. It is just that he got scared you might ask for more. 2 months isn’t a long time and that man isn’t worthy of having a convo about. Next!!!February 8, 2017 at 10:25 am #599797
Hi Sarah – based on your story I would say that he has a very low interest which is very obvious but still you sent messages to him. A man who truly wants to see you and talk to you will contact you consistently which he isn’t doing. He’s rude though for not responding to your messages but my advice is don’t send another message to him, if he still hasn’t responded after days then so be it, at least you knew what kind of man he is to whom you don’t want to spend your time with anymore.February 8, 2017 at 10:33 am #599800
Thanks everyone for your input. I think us women, when we have that gut feeling its usually right. I guess I started having it and truly deep down inside, knew he lost interest and I was afraid to acknowledge it to myself.
Its bizarre though. he did contact me the day after sex. but as the days went by, the fade out started happening. Maybe showed too much interest ?February 8, 2017 at 10:37 am #599801
I agree with others, Shannon explained it perfectly. But I also think he is rude to not reply. Rude is a weak word actually to describe it. In his 30s, he should be more mature than that. At least you’ll know that you don’t have much to cry after. I would be done with him, even if he reaches out to you now and wants to explain things. Too late for this, pal!February 8, 2017 at 10:39 am #599802
Sarah, it wasn’t anything you did. He was interested in casually dating and probably dating others. You want a relationship and that became clear to him. That’s not what he wants so he decided to do a fade. You’ve been with him two months and he didn’t make you his girlfriend or the relationship exclusive and that is telling. A guy that is really interested would have tried to nail you down before now. After sex he knew from your messages that you saw that as a oh step leading to a relationship. He did not. There is nothing you could have done, you couldn’t convince him to be your boyfriend and it would have been done at some point, whether it was two months or six months…the only difference would have been how much time you wasted on him.February 8, 2017 at 10:40 am #599803
I have a question, was asking what’s wrong, push him further away ? Is it something that we dont ask guys ?February 8, 2017 at 10:42 am #599805
Based on what you’ve said…this is my take
You’re in your 30’s
Been seeing each other for 2 months
just had sex last week
Obviously not easy… he knows that too
But after sex occurred…he’s gone
That was obviously the game changer
With him…don’t know if it WAS the chase
or you just didn’t ‘connect’ in bed
or, there is more to the story than we’re hearingFebruary 8, 2017 at 10:42 am #599806
by ‘easy’..I mean sluttyFebruary 8, 2017 at 10:43 am #599807
@Shannon and the others, thank you very much for your input – it’s always nice to feel some support from outside.February 8, 2017 at 10:45 am #599808
Hi Sarah. How many actual dates have you been on in those two months?February 8, 2017 at 10:47 am #599809
he also sounds like a prick to ignore you
not a decent guy
men will sweet talk forever to get the ‘prize’
and then *poof*February 8, 2017 at 10:50 am #599810
I would say about 6 dates. He travels a lot for work. and during this time, we talked every day whether a conversation or just touching base.February 8, 2017 at 10:50 am #599811
if a guy you slept with IGNORES you, do not reach out to him.
I agree he is fading out, but I disagree strongly that he is doing it to make it easier on you and to make it “less dramatic”. He is doing it because it serves his interests better and he does not care about your feelings. He can later come back and say sorry I was busy or something and there is a chance you would cave in, as so many naive women do. Every man understands what it is like for a woman to be ignored after sex.
Ignoring and ghosting is a character trait that should not be overlooked. A person has no consideration towards another person’s feelings. These type of guys are not going to be good BFs even if you get them to commit. They need to be avoided. Look for a decent person. Who knows how to handle things without offending or insulting a woman.
You slept with him too soon. Two months is not enough. You did not agree on sexual exclusivity, so you did not value yourself enough. Sex should not be that easy.
Being in your 30s does not mean anything. Many men are quite immature these day even in their 40s.February 8, 2017 at 10:51 am #599812
Ladies of the forum will tell you it’s best to let the man lead at the beginning. Only mirror his contact and don’t get ahead of him. If his intentions are pure, this will give him a sense of control. Let him enjoy his masculine energy while we lean back a little more into our feminine energy. You’re not passive in doing that, you’re observant. You’re peaceful. When you push for answers, you don’t get to the dynamic unfurl naturally. However, if he never had enough attraction and curiosity for you to begin with, and was never into you, all of that is moot. Still you’ll be able to tell from his actions, what his intentions are. You can still tell. So leave him to his devices and do your thing. Lean into your observing energy, and most importantly focus your energy on you. If you want to improve a relationship, improve yourself, improve your outlook. Works every time. Answers to your questions are always within you.February 8, 2017 at 11:01 am #599816
Hypothetically (and I may be wasting my time even thinking this), what if he does answer and what if he tells me he is not into me.
Did me laying my cards on the table turn him completely off in this case ?