To those who have ghosted or been ghosted after months?


Home Forums Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals To those who have ghosted or been ghosted after months?

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  • #733991

    Raven

    Sorry Honey, hind sight is 20/20 vision…

    #737199

    Brandon Traviss

    Umm that ola bitch is a true bitch.

    Sorry but if your man wasnt treating you right then you tell him he isnt and you leave him.

    If you have 0 communication skills and love toxic relationships you can vanish without a trace but that just shows how little you respect the people you apparently hold close.

    #737200

    Brandon Traviss

    Michelle…

    ” no confrontational and effective way. Two entirely different phenomena that can be confused for one another.”

    If you are unable to say. It is over and have it be over.. then you clearly are part of the problem in your relationship.. just saying.

    #738270

    Robin

    As a child I had this boy best friend. He was the grandson to my neighbor a woman who I had grown to love and cherish and refer to as my aunt. He and I did everything together. We rode our bikes..caught lightening buys.
    Played in mud..etc etc. I ended up moving as I turned 12 years old and we loss touch. Fast forward years down the line I’m at at grocery store. I see someone watching me. He looks familiar but unfamiliar. He calls out my whole government name lol and I realize it’s him! We hug and catch up in the bread aisle I ask about his grandma of course he asks about my Mom. I noticed him looking at me in certain way and I can’t help but to think is my child hood buddy attracted to me. I brush it off and w go our separate ways. Fast forward a couple of months… I’m walking down the street approaching the bank a car pulls up beside me..it’s him! This time he makes it clear that he’s not walking away this time w/o my number.

    So months pass and as you guess it we’re hot and heavy. Dating talking everyday and making googly eyes at each other I’m on cloud 9.. sweetest day comes around.. we decide to take out relationship to the next next level finally..it was amazing! Weeks pass I’m pregnant and all the sudden it’s like we are on a downward spiral. In short, I loss the baby..loss myself and I loss my faith in him. I want out! I express that thoroughly but he’s unwillimg to let go. I stay but now we’re distant and it’s different nothing is the same.

    It was a Saturday.. it was a blizzard expected a big one. He called when he got off of work to check on me. We had a normal conversation..lasted 30 minutes. He said he was about to take a shower and would call me back. The call never came! I called everywhere.. nothing! 9 months..a child and a childhood friendship and he’s just ghost? It’s week 2 of his disappearance…

    #738573

    Stacy

    I started seeing this woman, let’s call her “C,” in December 2018. We first talked on 12/16 and formed an instant connection and bond the entire week. We had our first date on 12/23, which was amazing. We confirmed that we were so connected and felt like we had known each other for years. Now, that first week she was amazing. So into me, so sweet and attentive. The 2nd week there was an instant change in her. She’s an Aquarius and they run hot and cold, so I took the mood swings with a grain of salt. We discussed her moods and she kept saying I cannot take it personally, it has nothing to do with me. She has a tumultuous life. She has an awful commute to and from work, daily. She works long hours and is often exhausted. She also allegedly worked on Saturdays from 8 am to 11 pm, which I believed at first. C and I had agreed on what we wanted…to be best friends first and form that bond and then take it from there. She was not as warm as I am. We talked a lot and she told me of the traumas in her life. This was Psych 101 to me, I know where the moods come from and why she’s hesitant to fully engage with me. She’s afraid. I went above and beyond to make her feel good. I went to meet her on her late nights after work, driving an hour to see her for 2 hours. Her Birthday was approaching, and she hadn’t included me in any of her plans for that weekend. Okay, I let it go because I figured I would see her after the day. As the weekend approaches, I hear from her less during the week. I find out that she had a lot more free time that weekend leading up to her Bday, and she could have spent time with me..if she wanted. Good thing I gave her the gifts I bought her last week at dinner, lol. I left her be on Friday as she doesn’t like to be crowded or hounded with texts. I never heard from her as I typically would in the morning. By 3pm on Friday, I get a text from her saying “Oh I guess you’re in a mood today, have a great weekend.” Sending me that text saying I was in a mood was a total projection of her own mind. I told her she couldn’t be bothered all week with me and her response was stating she was not feeling well and I knew that, and not to take it personally. I responded with saying I was not taking it personally because I was too good to her to have her mood be from me. Saturday she sent me a text stating she wasn’t working that day and doing errands, and then one final random that afternoon, which I did answer and that was the last I heard of her. I am not acknowledging her Bday because I cannot believe she would treat me this way after 7 weeks. I guess I am naive to think she was better than this behavior. The signs were there, now that I look back. We met on Tinder, and are still matched, when I looked at her profile, she updated her age to reflect her Birthday. That was like a knife into my chest for sure. I miss her, we had such a great connection, but I cannot tolerate that kind of treatment. Anyone have any words to help a stomped on heart?

    #741086

    Comfort

    @Ola you are so right , I did almost exactly the same as you stated and did so because of the same reasons it was 8 months btw and I feel completely empowered. Some others had good insights on why you shouldn’t ghost but having gone through the same situation as you I know it was the right decision. I choose me first ✊

    #741102

    Rippey

    I had a great FWB which lasted about two years. This ended in 2017 or so. She got back with her husband and has since had a child. Since then, we have had very little contact as you can imagine. We have probably seen each other a handful of times since then. We went out for drinks in Dec/Jan where she raised the possibility of starting back up again. I advised anything is possible but it will now be up to her to schedule the time since with a new child, her time is more limited. Since then she has requested and cancelled on a couple of times to meet up. The last time she asked to meet up and I gave her the day, she has not replied since. Since I told her (from before) that with me you only get one do over (which she used already).
    It has been a week or two since we were supposed to meet, I never received any text. She is on social media posting so I know she isn’t dead….which makes me very happy. So I will ghost her now even though I know ghosting is childish and immature. I rather do that than wait to meet up with her or ask her out just to tell her how I feel because when it comes o FWB, there should be no feelings although I genuinely liked her as a woman and friend. The benefits were fantastic but the friendship was ultra cool. It sucks when you have to do these things, these games people play, its unfortunate but necessary…..

    #741546

    Ewa

    My boyfriend just ghosted me on Friday. We lived together over a year and been in relationship for 18 months. He moved out when I was at work. In the morning I get standard message ,, have a good day, love you lots,, when I come back home after work all his stuff was gone. I message him, try to call but it went to VM. We suppose to move to another city together in 2 months. I’m devastated and don’t know how to pick myself up from what happen.

    #741571

    DD

    Wow Ewa I’m really sorry that happened to you.

    Years ago I was having a cookout with my next door neighbor. We live in a townhouse style condo and have been great friends for over 15 years.

    On that particular summer night, while we’re eating hotdogs and burgers on my porch, her live in boyfriend of almost three years was moving his stuff out her front door.

    She said she walked in and had a strange feeling she couldn’t place. She didn’t register his magazines, sneakers, just stuff, not being here and there in the living room as she walked through it. Just sensed something was off.

    it wasn’t until she went upstairs to her bedroom and saw the closet door ajar and when she opened it, his half of the closet was totally empty. That’s when it dawned on her what happened.

    He went through that condo like the Grinch, and didn’t leave a crumb of his stuff behind. While we were RIGHT THERE hanging out in the back!

    Talk about a coward!! It is shocking. The level of betrayal is beyond belief. The depth of all the various emotions that hit her on a daily basis were heartbreaking for me to watch. And she never heard from him again.

    But she survived. . . and thrived. She told me all the time my constant support and words of encouragement and strength helped immensely.

    I hope you have some great friends who will help talk you over the situation, as it takes time to heal from this one. If not please see s therapist, because it’s really a tough one to go through alone.

    It feels like a death. But he didn’t die. You’ll just wish he did! Lol.

    Truly take care of yourself.
    Baths, massages, cry, exercise hard, etc. and talk talk talk out what you’re feeling. You too will survive and thrive.

    #741662

    Kim

    Ewa, I’m so sorry you are going through this. It was so cowardly and deceptive for him to go through the motion of sending his standard message to cover his tracks when he knew all along what his plan was. It’s a shock to have everything you knew for for 18 months change in a few hours without warning.

    He knew. He planned. He didn’t just leave with nowhere to go. You’ll hear a hundred times if he could do that he isn’t someone you want to give your time to. It never feels like that when you are in the moment but it will. I promise. One day you’ll get up and it won’t feel so bad. It’s tough because you don’t know when that day will happen but it will.

    DD, Lots of really great words you had! I’m glad your friend got through it and you were there to help.

    #741671

    Teresa

    We had been seeing each other for 10 months. His last text seemed normal, he offered to help me fix something then when I responded he never replied again. We didn’t meet online we actually met in person at the shooting range he asked for my number then called the next day and asked me out. I think ghosting is extremely cruel. I have no idea what happened. Did he meet someone else or did an ex come back into his life? Or did he suddenly decide he didn’t like me. They must know that it’s confusing and painful to be ignored. We had a lot in common and had some good times. I just don’t get it and never expected it.

    #743297

    Ignacio

    I was ghosted after an 8-year relationship. We had broken off the relationship because she wasn’t sure about getting married after 7 years an a half. So, I decided to move back to my home country. The day before my flight, she drove 10 hours to wait at my sister’s house where I was leaving from to beg me to stay and get married. She told me that she finally decided and that the short time we broke up helped her to realize this was the right choice. We spent the whole night and day together, talking and making plans. The following week, we kept talking over the phone, till on my birthday I realize she doesn’t call. I call and I realize I am blocked. She blocked me from all her social media. me, my fam and friends.
    What’s weird is that she met someone when we broke up, a month before me leaving, and still she went to talk to me. I found out she started a relationship with this guy. That’s why she ghosted me.
    It has been the toughest 2 weeks of my life. I am heartbroken, confused, disgusted that she went there and we spent time together while she was dating this guy. I hope soon to be able to move on and forget this nightmare.

    #743312

    Volcom Hoodie

    Have you ever been haunted by a live person like they’re a ghost?

    #746889

    Lizzie

    Wow I found this forum cause I am heartbroken. I can’t understand this behavior. I am older 45, he is 55. We have been dating 9 months. Our last date was wonderful full of laughter and discussing the future. Our intimate time was so tender and sweet. We made plans for him to meet my kids his coming Mother’s Day. Then silence completely shut out. I am embarrassed that I sent him a long text asking why followed by another one letting him know I know it’s over. I should never have reached out. He clearly doesn’t care how he hurt me
    Now I have to work through my feelings and grieve the relationship.

    #746890

    sisi

    Not to be disrespectful, or add salt to wounds, but I always wonder in these ghosting cases, if there are red flags all along the way that the woman missed…

    There have been several postings about being ghosted, and when I heard the full story, either she was the FWB, or she did all the chasing , etc etc…it was never a naturally developing relationship to begin with

    #746931

    Mat

    Been ghosted after a 3 months relation things were going pretty good she had issues but i was able to live with them i loved her..but all along i knew theyre was something wrong. she would have these mood swings where one day it would feel like a real relation and others like a casual one..ive known this girl for over 10 years and for her to ghost me like that is really hurting
    Wrote her way too much text asking for an explanation and she wouldnt say it …all she said was sorry …tried playing cool by ending it of on positve note …made a fool of myself probabbly and she would read the message making it even harder …This is recent so im still wondering what the f is going on and what i should do ..maybe some tips on how to handle it …i not ready to let go but if its the only way i guess ill do it .i was thinking a week or two to ask for an explanation but i dont want to make a fool of myself needer..my bad for the bad english its not my first language

    #746965

    anon

    “. I am older 45, he is 55. We have been dating 9 months. ”

    You dodged a bullet TBH.
    In 10 years, you will be 55 and probably in great in health, and you and all your vibrant girlfriends will be past raising kids and on to enjoy life. His body will be breaking down. So when your girlfriends are taking trips and playing tennis, you’ll be monitoring his meds and trying to figure out how to deal with him.

    #747008

    Hey Lizzie

    Are you sure he’s not ill? I mean, 55 is not an uncommon time for men to have heart attacks, cancer diagnoses… just saying it might not be ghosting the way you think of ghosting.

    #747045

    Emma

    Lizie, I am so sorry, this must feel horrible. What a waste of flesh your 55 year old is. Do not feel embarrassed, people don’t vanish normally, it is still normal to end things with the person first and not just vanish as if you were hit by the truck. Most of us experienced some sort of vanish-ment in life (being ignored, being stonewalled, etc), so everyone who walked this earth for more than 15 years would know how awful such things feel. And if you dated him for 9 months and the last encounter was nothing out of the ordinary, then he is a moral degenerate, no less. Do not waste your precious energy on him.

    sisi, what does ghosting have to do with FWB and not a relationship? you are not a horse or a dog. Even animals would feel anxiety attacks if they were just left by someone who used to be with them. It does not matter what type of a relationship or not you were in. Ghosting is done by people with no compassion or empathy for others, moral degenerates or half sociopaths. Most normal people understand how horrible ghosting feels to the other person. And most normal people don’t ghost. They send a text or a message, which could take 3 minutes of their time, and many still talk face to face when they end things, to show the other person respect and acknowledging their dignity. I am so tired of women justifying degenerate behaviour by the absence of some labels. You should know better and you should expect better.

    #747096

    Janie

    Thank you, Emma!
    Ghosting/vanishing without a trace happens and will continue to happen. That isn’t going to change. Just because it happens does not make it right or acceptable to deserve justification.

    All kinds of unpleasant things are part of life. This does not make them right simply because they exist. What happened to knowing this but having the common sense and decency to understand it when it comes to ghosting in particular?

    Justifying and excusing this bad behaviour tells the ghostee they deserved it and deserve no better. It lets the ghoster off the hook.
    If someone chooses to exit this way that is on them. There’s really nothing to do about their choice except see them for the type of person they are.

    Do not, not, NOT come up with asinine reasons why bullsh!t behaviour isn’t bullsh!t!!!
    Cowards who disappear will continue to exist. Making excuses for their actions doesn’t have to continue to exist!

    #748667

    HeartbrokenMe

    Well, I met a great compassionate guy online in January of 2019.
    We went out on three dates,texted over the phone alot. He always showed more interest in me in the beginning than vice versa, but when we went out a second time, I realised I really liked him.
    lately he has expressed many times how he wants to see me and hang out. We bonded over many things.
    He had to briefly move 13 miles away until June but even with that, he still showed alot of interest in me.
    We’ve never been intimate, only hugged so we connected on a more below the surface level, but I felt that moment of us being intimate was going to occur very soon because there was alot of chemistry.
    Anyway, just last Sunday he initiated a call followed by a text asking me to come see him at 11p.m.!
    I was sleeping but returned his phone call the next day.
    He was busy so we spoke briefly & he texted me asking which day can he travel to come visit me.
    I told him a day & followed that with a text asking for clarity of what exactly he sees me as.I was not asking for commitment or proposing marriage. I just wanted to know if he saw me as A friend,or something more?
    Only because I wanted to make sure he just was not into it for sex.
    No response.It’s now been 6 days & I’m conflicted on whether or not I should message him.
    I’m so confused, frazzled,distracted at work, etc. I’m devastated. Smh.My mind is driving me nuts. Did he meet someone else better? Did me asking for clarityturn him off? Was he not able to come see me because something came up & he was afraid to tell me? Family emergency? Whatever the reason, I’ve always been sensible, mature,open-minded & compassionate around him, so why would he feel like he could not tell me whatever the reason was? Ghosting is cruel, cold,etc.. and I just wish the ghosters would learn to communicate.
    I’m thinking of texting him tommorow because I need an answer.

    #748669

    Kitkat

    It was only three dates in the span of four months: and you are devastated? Doesn’t sound like a love connection to me: no man is going to tell you he just wants sex and very few are going to say they see a future with you after only 3 dates: I think you are way to invested in a man you barely know and that last invite at 11 pm was for a booty call, which I assume is why you felt compelled to ask the question. No answer actually is an answer. I would not pester him for a response. I would just let this guy go, doesn’t matter the reason, he had very low interest in you and asking you to come to him at 11pm is pretty telling.

    #748955

    Jalen A

    I didn’t realize how common this was until I looked it up. As a person who wasn’t allowed to date in hs and only had a couple bf in college, I never knew someone could be so cruel. I always thought ghosting was you meeting someone early on and they don’t like what u say or do so they ghost u. Clearly that’s not always the case. I meet this guy online. He was different from any other guy. He was sweet, nice, had a good job and went to school. He took very good care of his mom and grandma and he spent time with me and cared for me. He would give me compliments and encourage me while I was pursing my masters. He seemed like the perfect guy. But I know everyone is not perfect. I know he had anger problems although I never seen it. I know he dated alot of women in the past and that he told me he loved me early on into our relationship but I accepted that. We were dating for 6 months and we were a couple for 1 1/2 months. He lived an hour away but he would visit me and I would visit him almost every weekend. Everything was perfect until he just stopped texting and calling. The last thing he told me was that he would call me the next day because some people got fired on his job and he basically had to pick up the slack. He was exhausted. I told him I understand and that we can talk later. I should have known something was up because the day before he was texting less, but i just tired to understand how work made him tired plus school. Literally the next day he stopped replying. I text him like 5 times more. The day after that he don’t send me a good morning text or reply so I text him again. It wasn’t until I messaged him on fb, saw that he read the message and deleted his fb page which made me believe he blocked my number. I called it went straight to voicemail. If it wasn’t for that I thought something serious happened to him. I wanted to contact his friends and ask but he deleted his page so the only simply explanation is that I’ve been ghosted. Why? Idk. Everything was fine. He was telling me he loved me, although I didn’t say it back just yet. But I was falling in love with him. I knew he would be the one but I guess i was right not to tell him how I feel because he clearly didn’t care about my feelings to ghost me. He would talk about buying a house and having kids. Although it was too soon to make plans with me, he just hinted that’s what he wanted. He talked about meeting his mom and me coming to his graduation. I mean he was more into than me. I was in but I didn’t say it much. I wrote him poems and express how much I like and miss him but I guess that wasn’t enough but relationships take time. The only weird thing before that was one time his grandmother was in the hospital and he sent me a text about how he hopes she feel better an what Imma do? But he wasn’t talking about his grandma, he was talking about someone I knew. But it was weird because we was suppose to be talking about him so that made me believe that the text wasn’t meant for me. When I asked him about it instead of saying I’m sorry it’s for my cousin or some good excuse .He just said that wasn’t suppose to send to u. After his many apologizes I just ignored it because his grandma was in the hospital. Now that made me believe he probably ghosted me because of another girl but why would he deleted his fb and not his Instagram? The questions are haunting me. Nothing is more coward than someone who just disappears. At least reply with a I’m sorry or leave me alone but to get no reply at all means the reason can be endless. I called from a private number and left a voicemail and I left messages on Instagram and Skype but now all I can do is try to move on and not blame myself. It just happened so of course l I can do is blame myself but reading other people stories are a little comforting

    #748956

    Ja reply to heartbrokenme

    I totally understand. It doesn’t matter his reason, that doesn’t give him the right to ghost you. I think it was good for you to ask that before you waste anymore time in someone who doesn’t want to be with you long term. You should text him again explaining what u mean by the question. If he still doesn’t reply than try to forget about him. I know it’s hard because I’m trying to do the same

    #748957

    Jalen a

    Hey Teresa

    That’s the same questions I had. It’s crazy how things like that happen. Hope that you’re doing well. My bf just ghosted me yesterday and sadly this is more common than I thought

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