Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › Tinder Boy (I know red flag. But reds my fave color)
- This topic has 6 replies and was last updated 4 years, 7 months ago by
Dangerouse.
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babycakes
Met a guy on tinder and hit it off and sent novels back and forth about our lives. Ended up meeting him for 2 hours at a tailgate. It went well and he texted me later to come to the bars with him. I went and we just hung out and talked and he told me he would delete tinder for me and we could go out on all this dates and he’s really shocked that he met someone like me on tinder.
Every weekend he has consistently been “busy”. He’s in a very amazing graduate program and has block exams. One weekend we went on a date where he was late because he lost his keys and he called to apologize and say he actually cares and as soon as he finds them he’s coming but he couldn’t go to bars with me after because he had worked all day and gone to bars the night prior. I was mad about it but didn’t say. He then went to bars the day after our date >:(
Anyways, next weekend rolls around and I ask him to come to a dinner with my friends for a tailgate. He went home for the weekend to see his family but the meeting was late enough that he said he would try to come back sooner. Of course he didn’t.
This weekend he stayed in due to studying for his 3 exams for the weekend after this. He has now moved from texting me every single morning and night…. to only initiating through snaps and instagram. I do not initiate. He initiates everything but it sucks that its always at 8-10pm AND only through an effortless snap/instagram meme.
Its immature of me but I’ve “never” played this dating game everyone my age plays and I felt like by going zero dark thirty I may actually win the guy over. See, usually I run them off by calling them out and being like wtf are you talking to me if you’re not interested. Do you think I should continue this or give up on him?
He technically hasn’t done anything wrong since we aren’t dating but the whole never seeming to let me go out with him and his friends on the weekends is kinda throwing me through a loop since we went out with them the first night we met. And I don’t know whether to cut him slack for visiting family and studying this entire weekend for 3 exams.. but still wouldn’t you make time to text the person you’re interested in?
I just want to know if I should never talk to him again/ pretend friend zone him OR call him out kinda
Dangerouse
Bottom line is, he has never asked to take you out on a one on one date.
Getting him to meet up with you and your friends isn’t even working.
I understand you wonder why he spent so much time messaging but doesn’t spend time with you.
But, he has already shown exactly where he’s coming from.
Hes a texter, talker, not a potential boyfriend. Its already been made clear to you.
I wouldn’t be mad at him. I would learn not to get overly excited about messaging, and focus on whether a man is actually serious about spending time in person.
Khadija
There is nothing to call him out on. You two are not dating.
It seems like you took his words too seriously and now you’re invested.
I’d move on because he is showing you he has no interest in dating you.
And going forward remember dating isn’t some game that if you make certain moves it will ensure the guy ends up with you. Perhaps you should stick around this forum and read up more about dating. I think you have the wrong idea about dating.
Babycakes
We did go on a one-on-one date and he was late because he couldn’t find his keys.. which he called me about to apologize and said “Im sorry I really do care and Im sorry I late.. I can’t find my keys..”. We went on the date and it was fine., Picked me up and everything.
He’s already messaged me on snapchat instagram for the day.. which is easier than 9pm like usual so maybe he’s catching on to my zero dark thirty.
Im working on trying to disconnect and not be too invested in someone who has been so absent the last few days. Its been hard. Thank you for both of your advice.
anon
“See, usually I run them off by calling them out and being like wtf are you talking to me if you’re not interested. Do you think I should continue this or give up on him?”
I call this weeding out time wasters. “Hey, I appreciate the attention, but I am looking to date, not message”. Then be done. Stop responding unless he asks you on a date.
Liz Lemon
I have to echo what Dangereuse and Khadija have said. A guy who is interested in dating you makes an effort to see you. It really is as simple as that. Messaging is just a pastime for some guys. It’s meaningless. He could be messaging any number of women.
The true test of a guy’s interest is whether he consistently sees you in person and takes you out on one-on-one dates. Hanging with friends isn’t a date. From what you’ve said, he’s turned down hanging out with you when you’ve suggested it (going to the bar, going to dinner with you and your friends, etc). Sorry but it doesn’t sound to me from what you’ve written that this guy is terribly interested in you. He might enjoy the texting and flirting as an ego boost, but if he wanted to date you in a serious way he would do it.
I wouldn’t call him out or make a big deal out of it. You’re not officially dating. Just move on and keep looking for and dating other guys. I wouldn’t entertain a lot of his texting because like I said, it’s meaningless. He’s not asking you out, he’s just flirting and passing the time.
Dangerouse
Right, I wouldn’t be flattered by a lame good morning text. I would do the eye roll.
Its not like you are buddies or friends. You have really only met him a couple of times.
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