The last straw! Help me make a decision please


Home Forums Dating and Sex Advice The last straw! Help me make a decision please

This topic contains 22 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Better off single 2 months, 1 week ago.

Viewing 23 posts - 1 through 23 (of 23 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #783285 Reply

    Stacy

    Hello everyone!
    So I have been in love with this person since forever. We started hooking up and talking to each other since 6-7 months now. He never said that we were in a relationship and that really caused problems. Many times I thought about ending it but then he would change for a while with me and I would change my decision because I was always looking for just one reason to not let him go. But all of this has been really toxic to my mental health.
    Recently I have had enough and I asked him where we stand and whats our relationship status. He sent me this message:
    “I didnt talk because i realized i have been bad with you infact toxic. I wasnt able to give you your 3Cs which raised up most of the issues. And then i questioned myself if i will ever be able to give you those and this means im being disrespectful to you and Myself also. I wont be playing any more games now until im confident and man enough to give you the respect you deserve.”
    Please tell me what should I do now?
    Should I completely end it or just give him space till he is ready to do so?
    P.s: He says he doesnt have anyone else in his life and he would have told me if that was the case.
    Also 3Cs means (Care commitment and consistency)
    Please give your honest feedbacks. :(

    #783287 Reply

    alia

    Forget him.

    #783291 Reply

    Tallspicy

    I honestly feel sorry for you that you care about yourself so little that this is still an issue. Honestly when a man is not even consistent for three weeks you should be dumping him. He has told you that he will not give you what you want. Do you want to tell the universe that that’s what you want or do you want to tell the universe that you want the right thing for you? This is not even about him. It is about you and your lack u of self-care and self abandonment. I suggest you go to a therapist because my guess is that this is an ongoing issue around bad boundaries and taking care of yourself emotionally. If you were healthy you would find this all soSo gross that you would never even be attracted to him. Please look up anxious attachment, and go get some professional help. You have it in you to take care of yourself but you have to own that you are responsible for you. This man is not and will never be. What pattern is this repeating?

    #783294 Reply

    Raven

    At least he was (finally) honest with You…

    Move on-
    Your true love might be just around the corner…

    #783301 Reply

    Anon

    As the other posters indicated- he told you the truth. Reply back to him- thank you for your honesty, I’m moving on from this relationship because I want someone who’s all in right now. Do not listen anything else he says afterwards because more than anything his actions speak volumes and he doesn’t really care about the relationship.

    #783305 Reply

    stacy

    Thank you everyone for your honest responses. I really appreciate it.
    So I did exactly what Anon has written and I went away. After sometime He repeatedly tried to call me but I didnt answer. He texted me “I am addicted to you and I love you. I am sorry for acting like I was in the past few days and I am not playing with you”
    I havent replied to him because I dont know if he is honest about it and as Tallspicy said yes this is a repeating pattern. I feel so drained and exhausted after having these conversations with him that I just wanna run away!! I seriously have such a bad headache rn. I need a break from all of this. I have never let any guy treat me the way he does. Its my fault.

    #783306 Reply

    Anon

    Take care of yourself and do not reply to that message. He has not shown a change in his actions and he is just trying to draw you back in with words. If you feel tempted to respond, then block him. You have to be firm with this guy.

    #783307 Reply

    Raven

    If he were being truthful, he’d be on your doorstep…

    #783308 Reply

    stacy

    Yes I dont think I believe him now. I need to cut it off although it really hurts to let him go but I guess its best for my mental health. I am really suffering because of him.
    Thankyou so much everyone for your support. I cant thank you guys enough.

    #783309 Reply

    stacy

    Yes I dont think I believe him now. I need to cut it off although it really hurts to let him go but I guess its best for my mental health. I am really suffering because of him.
    Thank you so much everyone for your support. I cant thank you guys enough.

    #783310 Reply

    Ems

    Raven if a guy just turned up at my door uninvited I would be scared and worried -normal people don’t that no more – it’s not like the movies.

    #783311 Reply

    Ems

    stacy I would say, give it few more days, ask him if he is ready to give you what you want and show it by action.

    Some men do step up when they realise they are losing you.

    Maybe he knows he took you for granted and he is now realising he loves you and want to be with you properly.

    #783317 Reply

    stacy

    Thank you Ems!
    But I am honestly so drained rn. It feels like a burden on my head. I havent replied to him and I dont plan to because I feel this mental trauma right now. If anything happens or he reaches out again then I will definitely update here. I dont think I can do this on my own.

    #783318 Reply

    Raven

    Ens, not if he was your BF…

    #783319 Reply

    Newbie

    I can understand why this guy is confusing to you. He is giving you two mixed messages: i cant be the man for you, i made this toxic, but i will step up when i can. But you have to see this as just words. If this guy really wanted to commit it would be cristal clear you are his girl and he is your guy. But you have been going nowhere in 7,8 months. I can understand you Have a hard time letting go, but i think you need to. And in the end it wont be so bad. No more confusing from mister unavaible. In the bagage reclaim site, i think the name is, from Nathalie lue, you have a whole website about this type of guy

    #783331 Reply

    Mad at U for blocking it

    Watch what he does.

    How do you feel about him?

    Do you feel the same way?

    Could the two of you sit down and have an honest face to face conversation?

    Does he make you feel at home when you’re with him?!

    #783333 Reply

    K

    FFS… would people please not encourage Stacy to stay with this guy. NO BUENO. Ever. There’s nothing left to “fix.”

    #783360 Reply

    tammy

    I think you did the right thing by ending it. and you ended it post his message where he indicated that you deserve more and he cant give you what you deserve. when he realised your taking his message literally and walking out instead of hanging around for him to become man enough, he is now trying his best to rope you back in.

    he wont commit nor give you what you want despite knowing how u feel. but he wont let you walk out as well. don’t fall into this trap. maybe he is not doing it deliberately. maybe he is just commitment phobic but fact is it is taking a toll on you. you guys are not on the same page as far as expectations from this relationship goes. you have every right to want to be with a man who loves you and is ready to get into a relationship with you. this guy obviously is not ready for it.

    u have made the break. I think you did right. now you just need to stand firm and march ahead and not look back. you have a right to seek out someone who is not confused and is man enough. you will be fine. just don’t let him in again. block his number for the present if he keeps calling you.

    #783472 Reply

    stacy

    Hello everyone!
    So here’s an update as I promised.
    He said that he is willing to commit if I am willing to. By commitment he means giving up social media because he doesnt like me talking to any guys. He hardly uses social media himself but I guess he doesnt like the attention I receive from the guys.
    He was very happy when he found out that I deleted my snapchat (which was purely for study purposes because I have medical exams coming up) but at the same time, he stopped using it too.
    I am in a better headspace now since that day and I am not crying anymore for him.
    I am confused now. I used to be very active on social media a year ago but then I started using it very less because of my studies. I am confused now. If he is so insecure about it then isnt it a problem?
    Secondly, I read between the lines from the conversation we had that he made me go through hell and acted hard to get just because of the male attention I get. It blew my mind because I have always been so loyal to this person and always showed it through my actions. Now I am wondering if he even deserves my love.

    #783475 Reply

    Smoken mirrors

    What do his actions tell you?

    Is he physically present and making an effort to be physically there in your life? Taking you on dates? Courting you like a normal person?

    No? You’re just texting buddies?

    Keep talking to the men who are up in your dm box. This guy is just playing games with your head.

    #783482 Reply

    Lane

    Honestly, this is too rocky and I don’t expect there will be calmer waters just because he threw out some words. Men are ACTION orientated whereas if you don’t have actions before or after their words then they are not being honest to you or themselves. WORDS + ACTION = THE TRUTH and that is how a man’s character should be judged.

    I don’t believe this is fixable, whereas he is blaming you for him not committing!?!? That’s a manipulation tactic to get you to believe it was your fault and never his! Sorry but what he is saying is hogwash as I get a lot of male attention from men too but that never inhibited them from committing, if anything, it made them step up and work harder to make sure darn sure another man wouldn’t steal me away! Anytime a man didn’t, another man did, so I dropped Mr. wishy-washy pretty quickly.

    I would stand pat and not let him wiggle his way back in so easily. Make HIM do the hard work to SHOW YOU his words have meaning behind them (says what he does and does what he says), if not, do the permanent walk.

    #783486 Reply

    tammy

    These days most people are on social media. that is a given! you being on social media has no connect whatsoever with your relationship with him. unless you are obviously posting comments or obviously flirting with the men online, his behaviour doesn’t make any sense. besides he was the one who held out from getting into a relationship with you. which really means you are and were single and free to mingle.

    he is coming across as very insecure, controlling and may force you to give up all your friends. I think you avoid this man altogether. he is going to just mess up ur head.

    #783490 Reply

    Better off single

    These days, it’s weak to care too much or have any compassion at all. People are becoming less empathetic, more psychotic, sociopathic, and narcissistic because of social media. It’s an unconscious hold on the human race. Social media is stupid.

    Guys are becoming lazy a×sholes.
    They chase after women who glam up almost every minute of their life posted on facebook and Instagram, have the good job and good looks but are a total selfish ugly b×ch inside or they chase after the ones who know how to flirt and say the right thing only to manipulate men and abuse them.

    The guy sounds really stubborn, not flexible at all. It’s his way or the highway. Can you imagine what arguments would be like? You’re having a difficult time now, after getting to know all your quirks and habits, he will know exactly where to hit you. where it hurts the most. I’d rather get punched over psychological control and manipulation. When you have all 3 good luck getting out of that situation. A few years down the line, he will have your spirit so broken you won’t have anyone to run to or even know who you are anymore. He’s already flipping tables on you causing you to question if it is you with the problem (its not).

    Does he deserve your love? Probably not. It sounds like he wants to possess you and objectify you as a thing. Not a person with thought and feeling. He’s willing to commit as long as you give up your life pretty much…no trust, no relationship. Sounds shady AsF.

Viewing 23 posts - 1 through 23 (of 23 total)
Reply To: The last straw! Help me make a decision please
Your information:





<blockquote> <code> <pre> <em> <strong> <ul> <ol start=""> <li>