Texting on Vacation


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  • #565177 Reply
    El

    Been seeing this guy for a month and half. Not exclusive and still getting to know each other. He left on vacation Friday with his boys to a sports event . I sent him a text Friday just saying have a safe trip and fun. We have gotten in the habit of texting everyday. I know vacation is an exception and of course I don’t expect communication daily. Any how he text me today saying “hey babe sorry I haven’t gotten back to you” with a sad face emoji. I didn’t respond because I don’t want to disturb him and just want him to have fun. Does me not responding come across rude or bitter? Don’t want him to think I’m annoyed he texted me several days after my last text but I wasn’t asking a question either. Should I text him back???? I’m not going to call him obviously I know many think texting is silly. I’m just wondering and would like to know what u think?

    #565181 Reply
    Ashley

    Say “oh no I understand, I hope you have the best time!! :) ” that is what I do

    #565206 Reply
    M

    what Ashley said. And remember that guys don’t think about this stuff the same way we do. He probably doesn’t even notice that you haven’t responded yet, because he’s focused on other things. Men are single-focused, so they forget about stuff until it’s back on their mind again. While you’re agonizing over whether to respond or if he’s bothered or hurt that you haven’t responded, he’s out having a good time and is probably oblivious.

    What can you do to keep yourself busy while he’s away, so you’re not so worried and focused on this? You can always talk with him when he’s back in town and agree on how you’d like to keep in touch the next time one of you is away. But right now isn’t the time to have that conversation. Right now, what can you do to take care of yourself so you don’t spend the whole time obsessing? Hugs

    #565209 Reply
    Maria

    M – men I know are not single focussed, some can multitask like Julius Cesar and some handle multiple projects, hobbies, families, sports, perfectly well. And most men I know are very attentive to the responses and their timing with replies from people and especially from women. They are not more different from us in that respect, they are human and live in the same world as we do. They might handle silence a little better, but they do notice everything.

    El, not responding to his second text would be..hmm..rude. How would you feel if he did that to you? I’d do what Ashley suggested. Why make simple things so complicated? Just be nice and genuine. Say something nice to him while he is on vacation.

    #565210 Reply
    M

    Maria, being able to juggle multiple things is absolutely possible with single-focus. They are focused on a goal, which can require multiple tasks within that goal. Also, older men’s brains are less single-focused. it has to do with lower testosterone levels. I don’t know the ages of the men you’re referring to.

    But a man is less likely to be bothered by someone not responding to a text for a few hours. If he notices at all he might figure she’s busy and then think nothing more of it. if she never responds, of course he’d eventually notice. Anyway, not looking for an argument, just clarifying what I meant. have a great night.

    #565217 Reply
    kaye

    Maria,

    That is so true!! My boyfriend can tell if I’m irriated with him over text just by whether or not I use fewer words or don’t put an emoji! And he’ll make comments if I don’t reply back to a text regardless of whether it had a question or not. He notices everything!! Not to mention if we’re in a fight he’ll tell me how he checked his phone 100 times to see if I sent a message. So guys do notice and it does bother them.

    So yes I think not responding back is rude and it makes it look like you’re pouting. I would simply say, no problem, I know you’re busy having fun on your vacation. Can’t wait to hear all about it.

    #565224 Reply
    M

    I stand corrected. I have yet to meet a man that sensitive to nuance, but it’s nice to know there are some out there :)

    #565257 Reply
    Lily

    You are not even exclusive! For all you know he is having fun with other women while on vacation. And he can and should be. You are only dating this man. So I would forget the text issue. If this man is really into you, a silly text isn’t going to make or break anything.

    #565259 Reply
    El

    Thank you ladies….its nice to hear different persepctives on the situation.

    I am going to take your suggestion and text him that response today. I have noticed with him if I don’t respond to his texts he will comment on it “like oh you didn’t respond to my last text”.

    #565295 Reply
    Lily

    That’s pretty passive aggressive, isn’t it? For a man who won’t be exclusive. Think about that.

    #565806 Reply
    El

    OK ladies so I sent the text message on Monday afternoon have not heard anything since. He supposedly came back yesterday so I didn’t expect any response yesterday…. but nothing today. My apologies if I am coming across paranoid. I usually do not like to initiate texts but my sister says it makes me look rude/uninterested.

    Should I eventually reach out or let him at this point?

    #565813 Reply
    Omi G

    Whatever happened to responding because you want to, and not to clarify anything. Remember that the intent of why you text is the key factor here. Neediness and only doing things to get a response for your own gratification is a killer in a relationship. People pick up on that quick, and it’s annoying.

    If you really wished him well on text and not expecting a response from anyone, then don’t expect one and go on with the rest of your day. If they respond great.

    If you are only texting to get clarity then you are being needy, it’s all in the mindset. Initiate because you really do have something to say, to him and not expect ANYTHING AT ALL FROM ANYONE, you aren’t exclusive at all and it’s only a month and a half. Be yourself, you don’t need to worry this early on, you don’t need to justify yourself or your reasons of not texting anyone. If you don’t respond or it takes a few min/hours it’s because you truly are busy. If you respond right away then great, it means you had a few sec. of free time.

    #565819 Reply
    maura

    I would let him at this point. You reached out over the vaca, which obviously let him know you were thinking of him and you showed interest. I think the ball is in his court in this situation.

    Plus, sometimes people take a couple days to get their life back in order after a vacation. Just give it a few days.

    #565824 Reply
    Hannah

    Yes my husband notices little things like Kaye and Maria mentioned. He’ll get upset if I don’t put three kisses at the end of a text! But the single focus is equally true. When we’re apart, I’ll generally hear from him a lot when he’s having a quiet time at home but rarely, if at all, while he’s working or busy.

    El you initiated on Monday so now it’s down to him to contact you. Quite honestly I’d feel a bit paranoid if I were you too. But you don’t know his situation. He may have a lot to catch up on after being away.

    #565835 Reply
    El

    Thank you ladies I kind of figured it was best to let him reach out at this point. I will be honest I do tend to worry too much about this “texting” and like I said I hate coming across needy or desperate. He does initiate 90% of the texting but he does take a few hours to respond sometimes but always apologizes for it.

    It’s funny over the weekend a guy I was dating last year text me and I am totally over him!!!!! He sent a text Friday evening which I did not think needed a response it was have a good weekend. Monday he sent me a text asking me if I was ignoring him?

    Once we are no longer interested is when they resurface….I guess that is how we should treat the ones we are currently interested in?

    #565855 Reply
    Phillygirl

    Men can sense the “needy” vibe a million miles away. Just as they can sense when a woman is happy and independent (which is when they tend to resurface).

    I think it depends on the guy. But in my personal experience, any guy that was really into me, did not like to go very long without contact, because they were thinking someone else might catch my interest.

    Now I am not the type to cheat if I’m in a committed relationship, but I don’t let a guy lock me down if he wants to continue dating, either.

    I was dating my ex (exclusively BF/GF) for a few months at the time, when he went away on a long fishing weekend with his kids, and his buddies (and their kids) to a remote cabin. He told me cell reception was really bad, and based on the area I know that to be true.

    So I told him to have a great time (and meant it) and expected not to communicate for 3 or 4 days (till he got back). Funny enough, since I expected nothing and kept happy busy doing my own thing, he found a way to call me every day, even when he had to drive/or take a walk to get reception. He also sent some text pics of the trip when he could.

    At that point, I knew he was pretty serious about me, because he was making a real effort to show I was on his mind, and he cared what I thought. He also kept telling me he wished I was there, and he missed me.

    So again, some guys pay more attention (and are more vocal) than others, and some guys only do it when they are really crazy about a girl. Time will tell with this one as you get to know him.

    #565856 Reply
    Omi G

    Not sure if you have read it or not but read Sabrina’s article about “texting” and “stop stressing over a relationship” It will help you calm your neediness.

    #565862 Reply
    El

    Omi I actually have read all of the articles on texting and relationship. I do understand the neediness and it really is all mind control and how we manage it. I know I have some issues I need to work on. Maybe I should read them again!

    I feel a lot better reading your posts. thank you

    Phillygirl…I hear what your saying and only time will tell.

    #565872 Reply
    kaye

    I couldn’t agree more with Phillygirl’s post!! I’ve had a similar experience with my boyfriend where he went out of his way to contact me and text me and keep in touch when he was supposed to be hanging out with the guys and having limited cell reception for the weekend!! LOL

    And they can pick up that needy vibe from a million miles for sure!! It drives me crazy when women on here talk about how guys are like clueless about texting, etc. They are much more in tune to us women than we give them credit for. I’ll relate a story to you. My boyfriend I have been together almost a year and a half and a couple months ago he was hanging out and having beers with a buddy (call him V) after work before he headed over to my place. I was fine with it of course but I was trying to have dinner ready and didn’t know what time he was going to be home. So in an effort NOT to sound needy and that I wanted him home I said, “Hope you’re having fun and tell V I said hi.” Well V’s been married for like 20+ years and when my boyfriend gives him my message, he says…hey buddy that’s you’re cue to get home, she’s seeing if you’re still here and what time you’re planning to head home!! LOL Busted!!!

    So I guess what I’m saying is the fact this guy hasn’t contacted you since he got home and didn’t make a very big effort to contact you on his vacation when he was texting every day before he left is not a good sign that he’s wanting this to become an exclusive relationship. Sorry. But it’s also why if I were you I wouldn’t be the one to reach out to him. If he doesn’t want to make things exclusive then you should be talking to and seeing other guys. I would want him to think that’s exactly what I was doing while he was gone!!!

    #566199 Reply
    El

    Hi Ladies

    Thank you all for your words and I agree that things did start to get a bit off when he left.

    He still hasn’t contacted me and I noticed yesterday we was online on the dating site we met.

    So I guess something happened that changed his mind about me. The last time I saw him was last Monday and everything seemed fine. Obviously we have been intimate with each other and I guess I just cannot pinpoint where the change came. We had been communicating up to the day before he left. I won’t question whether this trip really happened since he did mention it to me weeks before.

    I guess I am just hurt and pissed that he would stop contacting me and I kept using the trip as an excuse for him not reaching out but now it is obvious. He seemed like a pretty direct truthful guy, just wish he would have said something.

    #566201 Reply
    El

    Just to clarify…I have not reached out to him either and I won’t! Thanks to all of you..I know I deserve more than that!

    I deleted our last text messages as well.

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