Starting a long distance thing

I know men don’t bond over text. We call. We don’t text. He is coming to meet me on the 11th and is not pressuring me for anything. He is coming according to when I am available and how much. He says he is not in a hurry for anything and can wait. But he feels our vibes matching and misses me throughout the day. He doesn’t have any other way to date actually as he is posted on the sea. All he can do is call and take leaves to come and visit me and he is doing that. What more can I expect. Sometimes it’s possible to like someone you talk to regularly.

you just contradicted yourself, because you got the advice you didn’t actually want.
calling /texting it doesn’t matter, you don’t know him. See how it goes when you meet him, but chances are he is looking for sex, sorry to be blunt.

you call the shots remember, I told guys before I am not going to sleep with them, but yet they still had hopes.
Do you even take into consideration that you might not like this guy in real life ?

If he is looking for s*x he is going to be so disappointed. Because he ain’t gotta get any

this is off putting , because this guy has never met you , he is creating a fantasy for you. I have a feeling he won’t be like that in real life but who knows.
The question here is , 4h drive is a long distance , with him living on the ship and possibly not being based in one location , do you see yourself having future with him?
For long distance to work, you have to have a connection/bond first, you won’t get that after one meeting and constant texting.
so it is up to you

they can have normal relationships, I work with ex navy guys and some are married to the girls they met when young , but for some it meant leaving the navy. For some of them it didn’t work out, some were cheated on. It is not an easy lifestyle for both sides. When they are deployed for lets say 9 months they might not even have signal until they get to their destination.
One guy I work with , worked on submarines and he was allowed to only get one message per week and that included his parents etc so his gf at the time had to communicate with his family who is writing what and the messages were obviously filtered.

I feel it’s pertinent to emphasize AngieBaby’s statement, “I think this is you avoiding another real relationship because you’re not over the last one.”. She’s spot on

This guy you are talking to is the security blanket and you are Linus. It’s easier to avoid facing the pain of a broken heart and working through it, especially if you have a stranger whispering sweet nothings in your ear. It feels a lot better than confronting heartbreak.

I suggest giving yourself some grace, and a bit of time on your own to understand your motivation behind why you are responding in this way to this guy. I don’t think either you nor he is living in reality at the moment. Who knows, maybe both of your motivations are authentic and this will work out great! But loneliness can’t be the reason you draw yourself to another.

And I used to be a navy wife; I know what it’s like. Aside from the separation and issues the military member is dealing with, much of the reason for divorce is because the situation sets up folks to get a lot more serious in a shorter time frame … and that’s difficult to make work if you don’t choose wisely FIRST. Love bombing is a thing, but part of it in this case is just the nature of the situation.

I hope you decide what’s best for you. None of us want to rain on your parade but we don’t know if this is what’s best for you.

I told him we should not get ahead of ourselves before we have even met and he said it’s ok. I don’t know after reading your replies i don’t even feel like meeting him.

But if I believe his claims he has promised that no matter where he is posted he will keep coming to visit me. And has also told me that he has joined the Navy for 10 years out of which 6 years he has already served. He intends to leave the Navy after 4 more years as he wants to lead a normal life too.

I don’t know why he seems genuine but I’ll take your advice and take my time to get to know him and won’t fall for him before I meet him a few times atleast.

Ugh, so much negativity from the women on here. Just meet him and see how it goes.

@Kate – how long have you been here? We see posts from broken hearted women about these LDR situations over and over. We also see what happens when a guy is too intense too quickly. If you spend any time reading this site you quickly find these situations rarely work out. That’s not “negative”, that’s the truth. We’re trying to help a woman (or occasional man) see objectively and avoid being hurt. There are warning signs all over the place in this instance. This guy is in the military, lives far away from the OP, they met online, they’re talking frequently before meeting and he’s getting overly romantic to the point of creating a fantasy. Highway to the danger zone, LOL, to quote the song from Top Gun.

@Tam – “I need someone to be there for me emotionally” is also highway to the danger zone. When you think you “need” someone you are prone to make poor decisions and lower your standards. The healthiest place to be is “I love me, I love my life and the right man is the cherry on the sundae.” If it’s been two years and you’re not over a three year relationship, you might want to consider seeing a counselor for a while to clear the issues so you don’t get into an unhealthy dating situation.

Meet him, see how it goes, but I repeat: keep your expectations low, keep your eyes and years open to learning who he really is and keep your heart protected until you have known him for a while. Good luck.

I have already taken therapy. In the end She suggested I should start seeing someone. As it’s been long and I will keep myself entangled in his memories if I don’t make new ones. Hence I started dating again. I am seeing local guys too. Hopefully it’ll click with someone

Just stay alert and not trust anything he said until it is proven to be true.
The worst case is he could be scammer, as this is usually common story about romance scammer began.
For your sake, I hope this turn out like your expectation and he is what he said he is.
Wish you good luck.