Should I tell my ex I miss him?


Home Forums Break Up Advice Should I tell my ex I miss him?

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  • #385414 Reply
    Danielle

    I miss my ex so much. It’s been almost a month now since we ended things. I ended I because he would really commit like I wanted. I didn’t feel like we were in the same page. He said he doesn’t know how to be in a relationship since it’s been years. He would text me after I ended it but it led to nothing. The last time he texted me, I told him Iwoukd like him to not contact for awhile. But I miss him so much. I don’t want to play games. I deleted him off facebook but still see him in there as a coincidence. Is or a bad idea to tell him I miss him? What if he thinks I just don’t want him anymore? Because I broke it off then told him to not contact?

    #385416 Reply
    Danielle

    Wouldn’t really commit*

    #385419 Reply
    Danielle

    Sorry about bad grammer…I have been drinking…

    #385422 Reply
    Stefanie

    Danielle, would you please repost when you aren’t drinking? This doesn’t make sense. You broke it off, you told him you want no contact, and you’re asking if he thinks you don’t want him any more? Well of course he would think that because you told him you didn’t want him and to leave you alone. So I take it you are remorseful about that now. And have had a few too many. Glad to help more when you are sober.

    #385424 Reply
    Yams

    Danielle, we often get wistful and start missing people when we are drunk. Take a day or two sober and actually think about whether you want him back. If the answer is yes, ask yourself if it’s a good idea? Why did you guys break up? Is anything going to change? In a situation like this…either he has to change or you have to. If neither of you is willing to budge you’re just going to be in the same situation again.

    #385441 Reply
    Danielle

    No I definetly miss him. I have everyday since I broke it off. I didn’t want to. But he was too busy for me. We hung out once a week and it was so complicated for him to commit. He finally did get in a relationship with me but it felt forced. And he was still too busy. After I ended it, he asked to talk to me, then didn’t talk to me, then said he kinda missed me a week after that. But it didn’t mean anything. I told him not to contact me because I needed time for me. Not because I don’t want him. Him sending those texts just confused me. But I miss him so much.

    #385442 Reply
    Danielle

    I never said I didn’t want him. I never told him that. I did tell him after he said he missed me that I missed him too but we couldn’t agree on the type of relationship we both want.

    #385443 Reply
    Lagirl

    Danielle,
    It’s normal to have regrets, but you are only thinking about the good times and not the real reasons it didn’t work out.

    You know in your mind that he was not able to give you what you want. You did the right thing for you to break up so that you can meet someone who can give you this.

    If this man really wanted to be with you, he would step up and have a real relationship with you. You told him what it would take to be with you.

    Think On that. We tend to miss the good times, and that minimizes the major problems and sad times that led to the break up in the first place.

    If you reach out to him, do you think things would be different?

    #385444 Reply
    Danielle

    No it wouldn’t change anything I don’t think unless he decided to change. I just didn’t know whether telling him I needed some time/no contact would push him away because I still want him. I deleted him on facebook too and he asked about that like he was offended.

    #385446 Reply
    Lagirl

    Danielle,
    You are all over the place. Time for what?

    The man can’t give you what you want. Going nc is the way for you to get your feelings under control and move on. If the man misses and truly wants to step up for you, he will. Saying he misses you is not doing that. Men do this all the time. They throw out words that draw us back into the same relationship we were not happy with.

    Be honest. Did you break up thinking he would step it up and he called your bluff? Now you regret breaking up because you would rather settle for less than what you want than move forward?

    #385449 Reply
    Danielle

    I broke up for both that reason and also because I didn’t want to settle. So both if that makes sense. Yes I am all over the place. Was it too late going no contact after 3 weeks? I replied to 3 of his texts. I wish I didn’t now. I do want to move on. It’s hard of course because I honestly did wish he would step up.

    #385450 Reply
    Lagirl

    Here is the dilemma. When you tell a man what you must have in order to stay in the relationship you have to mean it. Because if you waffle or back off from your intent, he will know you are not serious and that if he stays around you will eventually come back to what he has to offer you.

    This is why once you set a boundary you have to mean it and you have to stick to it.

    You can’t take back what you did with the texting. And frankly if his man wanted to stay with you he would pick up the damn phone and call you. I so hate texting… Can’t believe people hide behind it and carry on serious discussions. Ridiculous and is truly messing up relationships these days. But I digress…

    At this point stay no contact. Focus on you. Keep in mind if you don’t move on you are preventing yourself from meeting the man who truly wants the same thing you do.

    #385476 Reply
    Danielle

    Thank you for the replies. I was having a weak moment.

    #385492 Reply
    Kateng

    Woah!!! I really feel you. I am in the same situation except the timing is different. I decided to walk away yesterday. We’re also not on the same page, he doesn’t want commitment after an honest talk with me, and he treated me hot and cold sometimes. This is the second day, it’s so hard but I think I can do it. We will meet someone better. I went outside and did yoga today, the cold wind makes my heart less hurt.
    I wish you a great recovery. Like these wonderful ladies said, you have to be strong and not contacting him, if he like you enough, he will step up and claim you as gf. Mine give the same excuse about not to know how to behave in relationship too. Those are bs you know…I have been reading anewmode lately, and you have to power to walk away, you did it for your own goods. Later when we look back, it would be like what was I thinking, cheers :)

    #385525 Reply
    Danielle

    I hope you do better than me. I replied every time he would text me. It’s been a month and I’m still not over him. I don’t believe he will contact me again though. If he wanted me, he had a month to decide already. Good luck!

    #385526 Reply
    diane

    what kind of “commitment” are you seeking here? marriage, or BF/gF label?

    #385532 Reply
    Danielle

    Bf/gf. We were “official” for 2 weeks. But I broke it off because it didn’t feel right. Like I pressured him. And I only saw him once a week. He kept saying he was busy. He’s just full of excuses. That he doesn’t know how to be in a relationship because it’s been a few years.

    #385533 Reply
    Danielle

    And we had been hanging out/seeing each other for 4 months or so.

    #385727 Reply
    Kateng

    Danielle!!!
    How has you been doing? I hope you doing better day by day :)
    Guys like that just giving meaningless excuses. I have been reading a lot of articles about walking out of a non commitment guy and everybody said the same thing. That whatever we doing right now is a correct decision. Just keep walking or running, never look back.
    We don’t see it for now but in a long run, you will see the benefit.
    I stop missing him too much already, it might be just the infatuation in me is so big. I have put too much energy into this relationship (and it’s not even a relationship).
    I hope you get better, remember you walked out for you own sanity…Just keep it up. If he wants you, he knows where to find you. If not, well good riddance, you keep yourself available for the man that deserves you.
    This is my first man i ever got involved with, i’m glad i have learned some lessons from this. Put your past behind, keep no contact, don’t hold on hope he will contact you. Don’t look at your phone and expect a text from him…
    Good luck Xoxo. Be strong and beautiful ^.^

    #385906 Reply
    Danielle

    It’s been 8 days since I told him not to contact. It’s been hard. I almost called him last night. My friend said I should. I didn’t think it was a good idea. I keep thinking “since I ended it, why would he want to contact me?” Is something wrong with me??

    #385915 Reply
    Jules

    It’s normal to miss him but you were right to not take your friends advice in calling him. When you’re feeling sad it’s easy to regret decisions you’ve made. I did the same thing recently with a guy I was dating. After I pointed out the problems in the relationship we ended things and then I felt so stupid because then I had nothing with this guy I really liked. It took me a while and it’s still a struggle but missing someone doesn’t mean we should settle for the crumbs of a relationship. It’s hard now but you know in your heart, valid reasons led to the breakup. Focus on that when you feel yourself feeling weak. Good luck :)

    #385989 Reply
    Danielle

    I am getting mixed opinions from friends. Some are saying I should be honest and tell him how I feel. But I feel like that won’t change anything. But I’m also torn. As in, what if he’s scared because I pretty much told him to leave me alone. Like he night think I don’t want anything to do with him.

    #386221 Reply
    Kateng

    I have some news for you. After three days, I was so sad, I contacted him and said I miss him and offer to be friend. He did text back again and said he missed me too. And we agree to be friends…And that’s that. But I Know That I won’t be able to be a couple with him…He’s emotional unavailable. I hope you do better and don’t contact him. I broke the rules but I feel ok. But now I regretted my actions…it’s hard, so much confusion. I wish you the best, and please don’t contact him cause I did ffeel regret after that.

    #386299 Reply
    Danielle

    I’m not going to contact him, and still haven’t. It’s a very hard thing to do. Do you plan on not talking to him anymore? I broke no contact 3 times in the first month when he would text me. Every time I regretted it. I’m really trying this time.

    #386303 Reply
    STefanie

    Danielle, quit “trying” so hard. If I told you to try not to think of purple cows, what would you do?!

    You ended this for reasons. Remember that. And focus on something else. You forget about things by not firing up the neural pathways on them and developing new neural pathways about something else. In other words, any kind of attention on something you don’t want is STILL attention to it and will keep it alive.

    Yes, I know it’s hard. You have to just take a deep breath and make a conscious decision to redirect your thoughts to something else. It is within your control.

    Best wishes and Merry Christmas, honey.

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