Should I be patient and just wait and see what happens?

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  • #943068 Reply

    Last month I met a man on a dating app. We were very pleased that in person we found we clicked so well, amazing conversation, and just this palpable chemistry between us

    However, despite such good dates, he didn’t really text much in between dates. He would text every few days, but he would send a long series of paragraphs, loads of questions etc. almost like an email.

    Despite this, we have gone on 5 lovely dates. I’ve met his friends. He tells me how much he enjoys spending time with me but that he wants to take things slowly and cautiously. During the dates, he’s open up to me about how difficult is finding his job and how overwhelmed years and overworked

    He was supposed to come and visit me last weekend, but I woke up to a message telling me that he had just lost his job and he was incredibly upset and stressed and confused What his next steps were. He said he apologises for how this might affect our budding relationship. He’s kept me updated every few days with any updates, but now he’s gone on vacation, a pre-booked trip. He’s five days into a weeklong trip, But he hasn’t messaged me at all. This is normal given the stress that he is currently experiencing?

    Is all hope lost?

    #943086 Reply

    I don’t think he can think of any budding relationship when he doesn’t have a job. besides he’s told you he’s confused about his future career plans and needs to think over. This trip probably would involve lot of introspection about his career plans. I don’t think this reflects anything about you, it’s just bad timing. besides he’s already told you this could affect this budding relationship with you. I think you need to let this one go unless he makes it a point to stay in touch while he navigates his way through.

    #943089 Reply

    I don’t really want to move on. I want him to know that I’m there for him if he needs me. It would be such a shame if we never speak again and to me that would be so bizarre given how well we get along with each other. I’m obviously giving him space but I don’t think I’m going to move on. I’m hoping I will get to know him further but maybe at a more relaxed pace where I’m not focusing on the outcome, a relationship. Thinking of inviting him for a relaxed dinner at my house at some point, would that be ok?

    #943095 Reply

    I’ve dated people in all job situations. Employed, unemployed, lost a job recently. How they handle it is very person-specific, and partially depends on age (maturity) and life stage. When it’s been a guy who was very much an adult looking for a serious relationship, then it can create some friction as he processes his emotions about job loss and gets busy looking for something new, but he ultimately won’t let a career situation impact the relationship. (That’s a good sign because all sorts of things happen in life, even in a marriage a spouse can lose a job and it’s good to see how they’ll handle the stress of that, if they’ll take it out on you or pull away, etc.) When it’s been a less mature guy, especially one younger or less established in his career or in a worse position in terms of financial hardship, then it’s more likely to bleed over into dating and be bad timing for the relationship to grow. How the guy will handle things, and whether he’ll turn away or turn towards you and continue to build the connection, is pretty apparent pretty quickly. I’d lean back, don’t expect anything, be responsive but let him lead, and don’t completely cut yourself off from other possibilities outside of him yet. 5 dates is not a whole lot so you’re still getting to know each other and he doesn’t owe you anything yet. But the right guy will stay present in the connection and continue communicating with you even if he’s busy and figuring things out. And if you’re the right fit for each other, then how you both respond and navigate the situation will mesh and work comfortably for the other person.

    #943096 Reply

    A nice relaxed dinner @ your house = sex

    Are you ready for that?
    What if he accepts & then buggs out after the sex?

    #943104 Reply

    Agree with raven..whn things are so uncertain, why do you want to complicate things for yourself by hving sex with him?? Are you ok if he disappear after sex? I said wht i said bec he told you upfront that this could impact your budding relatnship! Pls take it slow. And step back. Give it time. See how things go. If he gets a job soon or figures out his future plans, he may continue his relationship with you. But if things dont work out fast for him regarding his nxt job, he may be more focussd on getting that part straightened out first and you may take a back seat.

    #943108 Reply

    If you don’t want to move on that’s fine. But just stay in casual touch — check in with him via text or a phone call occasionally. Don’t invite him to dinner. Respect his space and the things he told you, don’t try to force it. The respect you give him goes a long way in a man’s eyes.

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