This topic contains 15 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by K 1 month ago.
January 26, 2020 at 5:04 am #783716
This was my first experience with a woman.
We started chatting in may time and at first it was great,she seemed really interested.
We went on dates and were getting close then she backed off saying she didn’t want a GF but we kept texting.
Then started sleeping together every few weeks.
We had a weekend away together and had such a good time,then we met for drinks two days after we came back.
Then two days later she slept with a barmaid and sent me a pic of the barmaid saying she slept with her.
Every weekend she would sleep with different women.
I thought after our weekend away she was wanting to be with me.
We text daily,phone calls etc
I was upset every time she slept with someone and would tell her I was annoyed.
Then she asked me to hers but I had plans with a friend so she said “not to worry il get one of the other girls over “
Then sent me screenshots of all the girls texting her.
The final thing was when she got with a girl in the toilets of a club as I was stood outside and walked past me.
I lost my temper and said it was disgusting and even tho we weren’t together as a friend that showed no respect.
After that she said she wanted nothing more to do with me.
She was sick of me telling her off when she was single.
I tried calling no answer.
I text her saying why I was upset /hurt
She responded..go bore someone else,I want nothing more to do with you zzzzzzzz
Stop bleeting on
How can she treat me so coldly and Like I’m nothing?January 26, 2020 at 5:28 am #783717
Lisa,Normally when an individual isn’t looking for a relationship it’s because they’re ‘free spirits’ & dont want to hurt anyone in the process..She was honest with you from the beginning & gave you the choice to accept her or move on..I think you put to much into liking the idea of what things couldve been between you to..I say just go on with your life..Shes going to continue to treat you coldly because it appears that you want more than what shes willing to give..Respect her wishes but most importantly respect yourself..January 26, 2020 at 8:39 am #783721
I told her how hurt I was by all of this and she didn’t care.
I said I shouldn’t have kept getting onto her about the girls when we weren’t together.
I explained I had feelings for her and they got the better of me.
I said I cared about her and didn’t want to loose her out of my life completely
She didn’t reply ..then after I sent her another one she said it was just a bit kissing when drunk,nothing special.
I was boring her now by keeping asking questions.
And she wanted nothing more to do with me.January 26, 2020 at 9:06 am #783723
Lisa and admin, did you post about this a lot several months ago? We gave you a lot of answers at that point. If I remember correctly this woman was never really into you, and we told you to back away and we told you to let her go emotionally, and it’s clear that that’s still not the case. The reality is you meant nothing to her. If I remember correctly she was emotionally unavailable at the time from the beginning, and we told you she’s not emotionally available stop investing and stop getting involved and stop engaging with her. This is not about her emotional limitations it’s about yours, we told you at the time the people with high self-esteem don’t get involved in this crap. Clearly you didn’t listen several months ago and you aren’t listening now. I don’t mean to be harsh but you need to be focusing on you and your own self love and not her and why she did what she did. She made it clear immediately when you started dating that she was not a fit partner. If you continue with someone like that that’s on you.January 26, 2020 at 9:09 am #783724
Hi ..yes I posted previous.
I thought I could change her.
The more time we spent together I thought eventually she would want a relationship.
She told me girls in the past have tried and couldn’t change her and she had this convo so many times.
I didn’t think she would turn so nasty.
She’s been cruel to me.
I said can we be friends ?
And she said no
We have never been friends.
Just so dismissiveJanuary 26, 2020 at 9:18 am #783726
Sweetie I’m going to be very very blunt with you. This woman told you at the very beginning that she was not going to be a good partner. I suggest you look up and learn a lot about anxious attachment. When someone tells you that they’re not gonna do something and then they don’t do it why would you blame yourself? And why on earth would you keep engaging with her? That is self abandonment. The reason why you feel bad is because you keep going back to this person not because of anything she’s doing. You were looking to her to give your self value that is your job not hers.
Your main lesson here, is it when someone says that they are avoidant, You believe them!!! The definition of avoidant is avoidant dismissive. Please do some reading about attachment issues. She is avoidant otherwise known as avoidant dismissive, and you are anxious. Until you want to change yourself you’re going to continue in this pattern. She didn’t do anything wrong she was very clear upfront. You decided you could change someone who told you they weren’t going to change for them. Honestly I don’t know why were still talking about this it’s the same situation from several months ago. You can’t even change yourself so why do you think you could change her?
Please do some reading about attachment issues. She is avoidant otherwise known as avoidant dismissive, and you are anxious. Until you want to change yourself you’re going to continue in this pattern. She didn’t do anything wrong she was very clear upfront. You decided you could change someone who told you they weren’t going to change for them. Honestly I don’t know why were still talking about this it’s the same situation from several months ago. You can’t even change yourself so why do you think you could change her?
Toughlove time, she has not been cruel to you. She was being honest and direct. You decided to keep engaging, despite the fact that she told you she didn’t want to. Or she was being inconsistent it really doesn’t matter because this is your problem not hers. When someone shows you who they are believe it, I do a lot of self work potentially with a therapist to understand why you would keep engaging with this My guess is she think she’s that you’re a stalker.January 26, 2020 at 9:31 am #783727
We had been meeting up up until two weeks ago.
We went to the theatre the middle of jan had a good night,kissed etc.
Then two days after she sent me a pic of a girl who she had just slept with.
That’s when I lost my patience with her.January 26, 2020 at 9:32 am #783728
She never told me she wanted me to stop engaging with her.
She was ringing /texting /seeing me until two weeks ago.
Then when I told her I thought she was being insensitive showing me naked pics of girls etc that’s when she said she was done with me.January 26, 2020 at 9:54 am #783729
Lisa, I know this hurts hugely, but you aren’t listening. This woman wants to f**k around. She’s always wanted to f**k around. With whoever she wants, when she wants. When she’s spending time with you it’s because she wants to f**k around with you. When she’s spending time with other women it’s because she wants to f**k around with them.
Sending you pics of her with other women is insensitive but I can’t help but wonder if she is fed up with you not getting the message. She’s telling you and showing you she wants nothing exclusive with you. Hunny why are you throwing yourself at the wall over and over here?January 26, 2020 at 10:41 am #783730
Because we spoke all day every day I thought even tho she didn’t want a relationship she cared about me or had some feelings.
The way she’s just discarded me like this proves she didn’t.January 26, 2020 at 12:05 pm #783731
Honey, the reason she spoke to you all day every day is because you let her. Healthy people who want real relationships don’t let in people who tell them explicitly that they don’t. If I were you, I’d be angry at myself not at her. She did nothing wrong. I’m going to repeat that. She did not verbally abuse you or physically abuse you. She did nothing that she did not warn you she was going to do. She warned you she was not available. She warned you that she was dating others.By continuing to engage _ you said, that’s totally fine with me, treat me badly, I am ok with that. You gave her permission.
Can you please explain to me why you thought you could change her, what was it about you that was so special that would change her when she told you what she was going to do? Your love is so magical that it can make people who say I am not going to love you change their minds? How about learning about what is so damaged in you that you need damaged people to change and love you?
Think about what you would tell a friend in the same scenario. Would you say G they sound like a great but in a perfect person for you to date? Or would you say get the hell out of Dodge?January 26, 2020 at 12:07 pm #783732
It’s time to wake up someone does not need to explicitly tell you that they don’t want you to contact him anymore for you not to be in contact with them. They don’t need to treat you so poorly and be so explicit. That is a cop out and you know it. This is all your fault. Read that again. This is all your fault. It is not your fault that she is unavailable. It is your fault that when she’s at the very beginning told you that she wasn’t available that you decided to hook your star to that.
I would figure out who in your life never loved you enough that you thought that this would be something that would undo that, and realize it is you’re 100% responsibility to be your own best friend, partner, parents. Never someone else’s job.January 26, 2020 at 1:51 pm #783736
Tough love what all the posters are saying, but a lot to be learned from this advice for everyone reading this..January 26, 2020 at 3:17 pm #783741
When we were together we had such a good time.
Laughed till we cried.
I thought eventually she would realise she wanted to be with me.
I thought she just had her guard upJanuary 26, 2020 at 3:51 pm #783742
Then you have a lot of internal work to do about you thinking that you can get people to love you. You can’t get anybody to love you, you can’t get anybody to give you what they don’t want to give. the fact that you stood around and try to make that happen means you are very emotionally unhealthy and probably shouldn’t be dating. I don’t mean to say that to hurt you, but the fact that you’re still in pain over this and you were never in an actual relationship with this woman, and you thought you could change her, when it’s clear you can’t even change yourself means that I really highly recommend that you get a therapist. And look at your patterns and whether or not they are serving you. This woman is not hurting you you were hurting you.
Honestly she could not been have more been more clear. So I can only imagine if you Dated someone who is less clear. I am not going to love you, that is what she said. You said challenge accepted.
I’m leaving this conversation because I’m not gonna indulging in this crap anymore. You chose it, you continue to suffer, and this is all your doing. Please look into why are you abandon yourself to people who are never going to love you. And not even that they don’t pretend to hide that they’re never going to love you. They flat out say I’m not gonna love you. It’s bad enough when most people are trying to figure out in between the lines with this woman was very clear.January 26, 2020 at 10:42 pm #783752
So often people post here heartbroken because they felt they really “clicked’ with someone and then that person turned around and treated them badly and/or ditched them. “But we CLICKED! Didn’t that mean anything to them??”
Unfortunately sometimes the answer is no. Because clearly the click you felt wasn’t the same for them. And just because you had deep conversations, mind-blowing sex, etc. does NOT mean they’re as into you as you’re into them.
I’ve had great first dates with guys I never heard from again. And while sometimes I felt disappointed, I never got upset about it for very long because I only wants someone who’s into me and if he wasn’t into me enough to pick up the phone again to ask to see me, no matter how much fun we had the first time out, he wasn’t right for me for whatever reason.
Not only does this woman not want you, she’s getting off on torturing you. Why? Because you’re allowing it. As others have pointed out on this post and many times on your other posts, she never led you on. In fact, quite the opposite. If I remember right, she was also badmouthing you to others and actively turning them against you as well.
Your work as others have pointed out is to work out why you’re staying around someone who told you she didn’t want you and then went around f***ing every other woman she possibly could and bragged to you about it. I really hope you seek out a counselor who can help you work through this and get emotionally health enough for the happy relationship you deserve.
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