This topic contains 23 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Amy 1 month, 1 week ago.
January 25, 2017 at 1:11 pm #595530
I only see my boyfriend once every two weeks or so. We are both busy with work and active social lives. We’ve been dating for 5 months and are exclusive. He’s made it clear he only wants to date me so I don’t think he’s cheating. The last month I’ve initiated all the dates. He initiates all the texting. In the beginning we saw each other weekly, I’m concerned he’s losing interest. Why would a guy commit to a girl he only wants to see occasionally. I do think he is genuinely busy but he’s made no move to integrate me into his life (I haven’t met his friends or family). His parents don’t know about me or is coworkers but he has said he told his friends about me.
January 25, 2017 at 1:49 pm #595534
T from NY
Amber, he is a boyfriend in name only if you are only seeing him twice a month! I think that you know that him not integrating you into his life, introducing you to people he cares about and not MAKING TIME to see you means — he is not that into you! He could have two other girlfriends with all the time he has (Regardless of how busy work or social events are)
That’s why you wrote this post. You know something is not as it should be.
Do not be afraid to express to him that you want more time and to feel more a part of his life. If he gets pissed or scared or distances himself — you will have your answer. Be calm when speaking to him, but make a decision if you are going to continue to put up with this if he shuts you down. You deserve to be a real girlfriendJanuary 25, 2017 at 1:51 pm #595535
Have you met any of these friends? What do you two do when you go on dates? While I wouldn’t see anything wrong necessarily with going to dinner with just him most of the time, I would’ve thought after 5 months you would’ve been integrated into some of his social plans (but not necessarily ALL of them, but some).
I would be careful. In these situations your gut really does know best (as much as it sucks to get away from the guy). I haven’t had any good experiences with guys who do not want to see a girl at least weekly… especially after 5 months. I was in a relationship for 6 months that ended in November like that, finally got it out of the guy that he just wasn’t sure how he felt about things and left it. Current boyfriend I’ve been dating for a couple months and it’s black and white, finally seeing that there is a difference between being the “chill girl” who lets her boyfriend do things without him and the “chill girl” that he can use when it’s convenient…January 25, 2017 at 1:59 pm #595537
Hi-if he is so busy that he can only meet up every two weeks-you are not his priority. He is over-filling his time with things that do not include being with you. You should not be planning/asking to go on dates. It should come from him or be a mutual plan at this point. At 5 months people usually know if they are in love or getting there and planning to hang around for a good long while. Because you see each other so infrequently ,there has been no chance to really bond,know each other. Whether this is deliberate on his part or a by-product of the “busy”-really matters not. The bottom line is,it is not progressing.
I would stop contacting him first and stop all date planning. If he tails off even more ,then,that will be your answer and you can just drift apart. If he steps it up and seems to put more effort in,then you could say” Do you picture us spending more time together going forward and meeting each other’s fsmilies’?” See what he says-if he starts to tell he has no time,is not ready for that-let him go,as he can’t be the guy you want. I hope this helps.January 25, 2017 at 2:00 pm #595538
I think it depends on what he is busy with. Does he work 14 hour days? Have children? Travel often for work? I have a career where 14 hour days are common and no matter how much you want to see someone, there is not a ton of time.
To me, a gut knowing is a quiet, tiny voice. Fear is a screaming ball of fire. What does this feel like?January 25, 2017 at 2:01 pm #595539
I’ve met some of his friends and a cousin in passing. On our dates we usually will do some sort of activity and/or a meal. I’ve spoken with him that it bothers me we don’t spend more time together and he agreed but that was 2 months ago and nothing has changed. I mentioned recently to him that I’m struggling with the amount we see each other and that I need at least one night and week. He said he’ll think it over and get back to me with a solution on how we can make that work with our schedules. I’m wondering if there is anything else I should do or say at this point.January 25, 2017 at 3:14 pm #595556
He said he’d think it over so the ball is in his court. Don’t initiate any plans. He knows you want to see him more. See what happens if you drop contact with him and if it fades away, well there’s your answer…January 25, 2017 at 4:11 pm #595574
You know he isn’t your BF don’t you?January 25, 2017 at 5:18 pm #595600
He is busy..with other women
you’re a back-up
a secondary option
he’s stringing you along
He throws out a few crumbs to string you along
When his ideal girl comes along, all his side chicks will be discarded
Don’t talk to him ever again and you will leave with some self-respect.January 25, 2017 at 5:35 pm #595604
Girlfriend – Fiancee – Wife
Titles are worthless if you don’t receive the actions that go with the title.
Drop him like a hot potato.January 25, 2017 at 11:11 pm #595666
Does he call you his girlfriend?January 25, 2017 at 11:41 pm #595671
Never agree to “exclusive” unless you know the terms!
Its so damn hard dating today where neither the men or women seem to know what the heck their doing. It used to be so darned simple but this generation almost seems to be floating around with all these terms that have no meaning. Either your a GF, Fiance or Wife…if a man can’t give you any of those titles then RUN.
Honestly I wou;d tel; him “I will not be exclusive unless I’m your GF and I see progress, if not, then I will not agree to be your FWB” (which you appear to be). Take the exclusive off the table and start dating again…that’s taking your POWER back, not subrogated (enslaved) to a man who can’t fit you into his life! Set him straight or get off his hamster wheel going nowhere.March 17, 2018 at 3:44 pm #693439
I’m struggling with the same issue. I know he’s not cheating but he works normal daytime hours and has no kids. He’s very introverted and loves his alone time but once every two weeks isn’t going to work for me. Especially if the goal is to be together forever.
Thanks for your post. I don’t feel so clueless.May 30, 2018 at 3:59 am #705138
I’ve been dating a man for three months. We see each other every two weeks. He states he has business to handle on the weekends we aren’t together. He does own a business. We usually spend our weekends together at his place. He said he wants to see me for the rest of his life. I want to know if seeing him every two weeks is normal? We live 1 hour apart. I want to see him every week. Is that asking too much?May 30, 2018 at 10:07 am #705176
He wants to date forever every other week. Are you good with that.July 11, 2018 at 5:23 pm #712549
Funny, my so called boyfriend sees me every other weekend and on occasion 1 night during the week. He owns his own business and claims he is working on his work truck on the weekends. We spend our time at his place. I have met his mother and sibling. We spent the last holiday together 3 days. He has not yet met my son. He said it was too much pressure. He wants us to be exclusive. He said he can do this (being together) for the rest of our lives. I want to see him more often. Every other weekend is not enough. He does text and call during our busy work weeks. I feel I’m falling in love with this man. He is 11 years my senior.
What is the best thing to do to shake him up?July 11, 2018 at 7:54 pm #712575
Start dating younger men who have time. That would shake him up 😁July 11, 2018 at 7:58 pm #712577
‘Start dating younger men’ Worst advice ever. Lane is so into herself. Just don’t be so available. It sounds like he isn’t into you for the long term. Maybe you can date Lane.July 11, 2018 at 7:59 pm #712579
All of a sudden Lane is trying to be cool and funny.. what a flopJuly 11, 2018 at 8:19 pm #712586
Like they say…”don’t feed the trolls” 😁July 11, 2018 at 8:23 pm #712590
He hasn’t changed in 2 months…
How to shake him up?
– You can’t kick a dead horse…July 11, 2018 at 9:34 pm #712612
Lost, how long have you been dating this older guy who has not yet met your son but thinks you can spend your lives together?
Twice a months, multiply by the number of months..given that he has not met your son, I am guessing you spent time together around 14-16 times?
He is feeding you words, those words are like glue for some women. Seeing a guy twice a month is not a relationship. We go out for lunch with my gang at work twice a month.
Stop the process of “falling” and start observing this dude with a more critical pair of eyes. LOL
You can’t MAKE a guy want to see you more often. If he WANTS to see you, he’d find a way, no matter how busy he is.July 11, 2018 at 9:48 pm #712615
If a guy is totally into a woman and see a future with her, he would make time for her in his busy schedule. Obviously not as much as when he is less busy, but he will definitely make it clear that he wants you and wouldn’t want you to move on to someone else. Sounds to me like he’s not fussed either way. I agree with the others, by 5 months you should have met at least some of his friends…if not family, at least friends. This is your opportunity to figure out if you’re putting up with it much longer or end it. But again in agreement with the others, your gut is telling you something’s up. Always follow your gut. Good luckJuly 12, 2018 at 12:55 am #712638
I would dump him. You can’t build a relationship on seeing someone a few times a month. The reason why doesn’t matter. If he’s too busy to see you more frequently, he’s too busy to date you, period.