Not entirely sure what he's wanting?

I get it…
& it’s a little odd- about your dad.

Doesn’t mean you can’t have dinner occasionally with a friend. Unless he’s creepy or gives you weird vibes.

Sorry but I entirely disagree with Ewa and Raven. I’d stay away from this guy entirely. There’s a lot here that’s cause for great concern. What does your mutual friend have to say about him??

“When I asked you out for dinner, it was to spend time with a beautiful, sexy, intelligent and lovely lady. To be totally honest, I am not looking for a romantic relationship or even a sexual one for that matter, for reasons I don’t really want to discuss.” WTH is this even all about?? He sounds very confused and pretty messed up where women are concerned. It’s extremely worrying what he would do if he found out you were dating someone else and didn’t have much time for him any longer. He asked you to dinner (that’s a date activity) because you’re such an alluring woman, but he’s not looking for a relationship and doesn’t want sex?? I call BS.
This guy is straight up weird and not being honest with himself or you. Sounds like someone has hurt him badly and you’re going to pay for it.

“I am quite lonely… you seem like a happy person and I enjoy your company.” That’s an energy vampire talking.

“… suggested perhaps he and I meet up along with my mum and dad and my two boys as it might help my dad to talk if theres another bloke there who’s a friend of his daughter.” The warning bells from this statement are deafening. He’s trying to insert himself into your entire family and he hardly knows you. And really? He wants to be a therapist to your father?? No no no no no.

This all feels like a major guilt trip to get you to see him again. This man is not emotionally healthy and doesn’t understand appropriate boundaries and he feels like he’s a drowning man grasping at someone to save him from himself. You know that drowning people often take their would-be rescuer down with them, right?

I’d just say, thank you for the offer. I’ve got a lot going on in my life and I’ll let you know if that changes. And leave it at that. The less you say the better. Don’t offer long excuses. And if he hits you up again, tell him you’re dating someone. And I”d let your mutual friend know you don’t want any information about you being passed on to this guy from now on. You are not obligated to save this man from his loneliness or his problems.

Liz, I’m glad you see where I’m coming from.

I understand that sometimes it’s good to give someone the benefit of the doubt in some cases and I appreciate that’s where Ewa, Raven and Maddie are coming from, but this isn’t one of those cases in my book, by a long shot.

All I could think reading it was, this is how Ted Bundy lured in his victims. Faking a British accent, faking an injury – all kinds of things to make a woman feel sorry for him and come near enough for him to get his hands on her. I realize that this guy probably isn’t a serial killer, but I can see right through everything he said, meant to make her feel sorry for him and guilty for not continuing to engage with him.

“To be totally honest, I’m not looking for a relationship” after the over the top flattery about why he asked her to dinner? Oh hell no. Never trust anyone who says “to be really honest” – whatever they say after that is a lie.

If the OP were my sister, I’d lock her in her room for the rest of her life before I’d let her see this guy again. That’s how strongly I feel the danger vibes off this guy’s text message to the OP.

That sounds like the right call! Overall, I was saying to trust your instincts, which it sounds like you did. If you felt something was off, it probably was. The only benefit of the doubt I was giving was if he was far along the spectrum or something and socially awkward but otherwise well-meaning, and I didn’t have enough information to fully know which way the flags were waving without meeting him. (I’ve also met people like that who were misogynist and bad news anyway and used their neurodivergance as an excuse to continue acting poorly towards others.)

To Angiebaby’s point, the people I’ve met in life who were actually the unsafest for others had no boundaries, which included trying to force “favors” on other people, do things they weren’t asked to do, and repeating the behavior / never backing down or respecting other people when asked to stop doing something or not do something. Some even seemed to just not understand what they were being told. This has been extremely rare in my life, most people are not like that, but it was very obvious something was very wrong when encountered. Even brief in-person interactions with them set off all the instinct alarm bells to stay away (my experiences with this were also not in potential dating situations).

Ted Bundy!!!!that name is enough to make up my mind. lol…

Tammy… right?? My mom saw a TV mini-series about Ted Bundy in 1986 called Deliberate Stranger, starring Mark Harmon. She said it made her a lot more aware of men who will play on a woman’s sympathetic nature with bad intent. She told me about the tricks Ted Bundy used when I started dating so I would know that I don’t have to feel sorry for men and help them or date them or whatever. I just looked – the movie is on YouTube. Mark Harmon got a lot of attention for the convincing performance.

For those of you who don’t know, from Wikipedia:

Theodore Robert Bundy was an American serial killer who kidnapped, raped, and murdered numerous young women and girls during the 1970s and possibly earlier. After more than a decade of denials, he confessed to 30 murders he committed in seven states between 1974 and 1978.

He was executed in Florida in 1989.

I’m sorry to be so scary by bringing up Ted Bundy and again I’n not at all saying this person Sarah is talking about is super dangerous enough to kill. We as women just have to be so careful and not so easily assume a man means well.

My final post on this thread because I’ve said more than enough. Good luck Sarah, you’re going to do a lot better than this guy!

Hv read a lot abt this serial killer @ Angie.. so know exactly what you were trying to say… and well when a person whom you dont know at all, tries way too hard, it definitely gives you a reason to be alert… Its best to be safe thn sorry!! So gud she blocked. Besides he overshared and tried way tooo hard to be nice. Dsnt mk sens whn you say your just lukin for friends.