Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Never said what I should have
- This topic has 10 replies and was last updated 4 years, 2 months ago by
Honeypie.
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Chrissy
A year ago I called up my ex spontaneously. He had always said he would be there for me and that we would be friends. We were seeing each other for about 18months. I was crying when I called him and could not really talk. i guess I missed him. i said ‘well tell me your news first because i am crying’. He went on to give me intimate details of his new relationship including a sweet little story of them in bed together. I was so gobsmacked I did not know what to do. I put down the phone and immediately sent a text wishing him all the best, saying I was happy for him and apologising for being needy and then blocked.
About a week after the phone call I figured it all out – he had met her when he was seeing me and she was now pregnant. This cut me in two especially as i am unable to have children. That’s why in the last months of the relationship he ignored me and tried to dump me through silence. I was so besotted I did not read the signs, including rejecting me sexually, and now I feel a complete mug.
I have not unblocked and I have never looked on social media so I am doing well. However, I think about it all the time and I wish I had told him that he is not so perfect afterall. He made such a thing about being a decent guy who wouldn’t hurt anyone. I want to take him down a notch or two but perhaps ignoring him completely is the best way of doing this. I doubt he even cares.
Not sure what I am asking. Do I just keep going with no contact and hope my life moves on eventually?
Raven
Yes, he’s crappy guy!
Let karma do it’s job.
You have to let it go & move forward…Khadija
Do not reach out to him again.
Telling him off won’t change anything and it won’t make you feel any better.
Perhaps going to see a therapist may help you in the healing process.Newbie
No, you are giving your ex way to much power if you want to say those things to him now. You werent needy when you called him. You were being human. He was an idiot for sharing those stories but maybe he was a bit flustered too. Anyway you dont know how his life will be, or yours. Dont let this defeat you. He just wasnt the right guy for you. Try to move on and know that considering children, yes not able to conceive is a tough pill to swallow, but you still have options. So dont take this as a sign he left you because of that. Focus on yourself
Warasen
Keep in mind that if you do call him and tell him what you think he won’t care. He didn’t care about your feelings when you were dating and he won’t care now.
Paige
In the situation you’ve described, I agree with the other answers: Let it go.
The only reason I would tell you to reach out to an ex-boyfriend/ex-husband is if you royally screwed him over and wanted to apologize for your behavior.
I never thought about saying “I’m sorry” until my stepmother was dying; she said, “I haven’t always treated people the way I should have and I’m trying to make up for as much of that as I can before I die.”
In a case like that, I’d follow her example and tell you to apologize to him – and then leave him alone.
T from NY
This situation is the universe giving you the opportunity to figure out why as a woman you’re so quick to make things nice and easy for men and wish them WELL after they dumped you in a cowardly way and then was EXTRA douchey by telling you a story about another woman and how they were in bed!?!?
I don’t care your supposed to be “friends”. I don’t care you’re the one that called. Did he think telling you the bed story would help your crying? (Insert roll-eye emoji here)It’s okay. I’m not judging. I’ve done it too. In the past. I was a pleaser and wanted no fuss. F-that. I’m not saying he’s a terrible person (unless you think he cheated). Just meeting someone else and moving on isn’t a terrible person but not having a proper convo, after that long together, is disappointing and means he doesn’t have good core values and that he either didn’t care that much for you.
But honey remember. It may be that he didnt care as much – it may just mean he didn’t have the capacity to care. And I know it’s seems hurtful but the way he just acted is a GIFT. Pain is instructional. And that convo was a confirmation that what you were thinking when he was fading off from you is true!
He ain’t all thatAnd he ain’t the man for you. Good riddance. Lessons learned. Memories beautiful. Onto better things. Tend to you. Date you. Until a man who treats like a queen comes along.
Chrissy
Thanks all. T from NY wise words. I was only really nice to him because l did not realise at that point that he was lying to me about when he met her. It was only a few days after the call that l realised the truth. You know that horrible realisation that you have been deceived. That’s why l now wish l had said something else or at least sent something saying l knew the truth.
alia
Deception cuts us in the core, it’s an injury that’s hard to heal from. It’s important to remember that we didn’t cause it, but that the other person chose to act without integrity. That’s on them. This all sounds incredibly painful, but you sound strong and that you will come out the other end of this. Yes, absolutely block him and never speak to him and let karma do it’s job. When you’re old enough like me:) you will be able to observe how karma works. It will be in the most gruesome way. Karma can play dirty beyond your wildest dreams. For now enjoy your tile away from someone who was clearly terrible for you and spend all your time and resources on loving yourself.
Katy
Chrissy,
I’m really sorry you are hurting and angry.I wanted to mmention another point of view for how things went… You wishing him all the best can be taken as you aren’t affected by what he says or does. Your very pleasant “indifference” to his behavior didn’t allow him to know he has any power over you.I’m not suggesting to accept bad treatment or not call someone out, but in this situation, I see your grace as having been a far more powerful weapon.
Honeypie
I’d like to play devils advocate. If you are unhappy with Yourself for being too nice and now realise he cheated, if it makes you feel better and you’d genuinely be more satisfied then send that text And block him. Say I’ve just done the math’s and realise you actually cheated… what an arse@@le you are, and worse that you’d think I wouldn’t know. What a self serving horrid person you are. I wish your new partner good luck. You’re blocked from my life so don’t bother attempting to reply- I’m not interested
I sent something similar a few years back, for my own satisfaction only, and our paths crossed months later. Did he ever hang on to what I’d sent him! Still showing how it had affect his ego.
It’s just another option for you to consider
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