This topic contains 6 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Sylvia 3 weeks, 1 day ago.
November 16, 2019 at 3:25 pm #777603
Thanks to you I got the often harsh truth I needed to hear I accept that but also I learned that some guys were jerks too.
Life goes on and I’m at a difficult stage – I know I acted crazy, words, gossips spread, there is work, social events.. . But.. I hear from guys that they dated crazy women all the time. Definitely I wasn’t the only one, right? I want to believe there was at least one who did something more dramatic than I do (blowing up a phone isn’t the worse you can think off, right)? I asked some friends – female and male and they’d have never guessed that I’d be capable and didn’t associate me with drama.
Having said that.. I don’t want my mistakes and guys who treated me badly stopping me from having a fun life. I think of myself “crazy”, got a birthday invitation party and I’m like “oh no, we’d probably meet and what if they point a finger at me and laugh?”. Do you think I should avoid everything? If so, how long? What If I see them? I really hope they wrote me off as crazy and that would be it with no further repercussions. But I see them gossiping about me, ruining my reputation. I feel down. I feel like I showed I can be disrespected and cray cray. And that’s how I sometimes think about myself now. Can you help me with moving on and getting my dignity back?November 16, 2019 at 6:08 pm #777610
Oh Silvia, stop doing this to yourself. I have acted crazy a bunch of times (probably more than i remember), and guess what? It doesnt matter. If you gone crazy with the two guys you described in earlier posts, try to avoid them. But thats really all there is. I call these men patiënts zero. Where you do all the dumb stuff and learn not to do it again. Crash dummies. People have far better things to do than gossip about you all day. And if some do, so what?
From the posts you have send in so far, you do sound like you could use some help becoming a more confident person or let that confident person come through after shaking of insecurities. It takes some time, or look for some sort of life coach. That one guy did a number on you mentally (i dont mean he was mean but you make him way too significant).
And do shy away from parties etc. Youre not shunned lol. Youre youngNovember 16, 2019 at 6:12 pm #777611
Dont shy away!November 16, 2019 at 6:39 pm #777614
I tell you my most horrible crush and things i did. I fancied a man, 15 years older than me, very academic guy. I knew him from work. I send him a card to his house on Valentine to meet up. He send me an email he couldnt do that. I went to meeting where i knew he was, i send him inappropriate e-mails (i was the project leader by then of a few project where we hired him for academic research), i tried to make pictures of him at formal diners. My boss got fairly annoyed by me by then and i wanted to remove me as project leader which didnt happen i think. I visited friends of him and the worst: after this had gone on for two! Years i send him an email asking to please tell me he wasnt interested so i could get over it. He did, same night i had a one night stand and o was over him. Now that i do remember this, im embarrashed again, but my point is: so i was my crush and im sure some people gossiped but most just found it amusing, that guy himself included since he gave me books and always was happy to talk to me. You get over it. The guy died a few years ago, i found out by accident. I went to the funeral and besides pain for his family and friends i felt nothing. Time heals anything.
So i hope this glimse in craziness makes you at peace. And honestly i didnt even care back themNovember 16, 2019 at 7:25 pm #777621
Just stop it. Blowing up a phone is no big deal. Certainly not something an uninterested guy is going to be gossiping about unless you’re ten. Most likely he isn’t even going to talk about you at all.November 17, 2019 at 8:41 am #777659
The best thing to do when you do something crazy is to forget it happened! Seriously, the faster you act (pretend if you have to) like it was no big deal, it oftentimes won’t be or become a big deal! So what, you reacted badly to a situation, trust me, there will be many times in your life that you are going to do or say something crazy in stressful situations and realize this after the emotions have calmed and have a clearer/calmer mind to work with.
This is why you should never ever do anything like this by text! Remember, its permanent, where once you say it you can’t take it back (unsay it); whereas the other has a record of it and can read it over and over and over. So really try, from hereon, to not text when in a highly emotional state, take a “time out” and do not engage until your emotions have calmed down and less apt to speak or react irrationally.
This is what growth is, learning through mistakes and mentally knowing when you’re heading to that dark place again (‘the emotional trigger’) by immediately recognizing it and doing the OPPOSITE of what you want to do because you now know how badly it goes if you do. Just let it go, act like nothing happened, and if someone brings it up just say “yup, I was acting like an irrational fool, I’m cool now and totally over it.” Then stop talking or thinking about it and it allow it to naturally die.November 18, 2019 at 6:43 pm #777795
Thank you! Texting can’t be undone, it’s proof. Once I had a rule, I wrote a msg and waited 24 hours to see if I still wanted to send it. And yeah, I can own it.. In real life I’ll be crying, shrieking, that’s life..