My ex contacted me a month after I broke up with him.

Oh, I forgot to add that we were together for a rather short period…just slightly more than 6 months.

You said you felt your boyfriend didn’t care about you, and the straw that broke the camel’s back was that he forgot your birthday. So he obviously had done other things before that (you said he doesn’t remember much about you), right?

I agree with Newbie, I have the impression that this is not so much about your birthday as it is that your boyfriend in general is not super into you. If he were you would not feel he didn’t care about you.

Listen, my boyfriend is forgetful, he can be very spacy sometimes. I will tell him things (not important things, just everyday things) and he’ll forget. He is not into birthdays, he doesn’t care about his own bday. BUT, I know he loves me and cares for me deeply. I don’t care about a big fuss on my birthday but I like to be remembered so he always does what I want to make me happy (take me out for a nice meal, etc). And he always makes me feel like I’m very important to him. So even if he did forget some small thing, I would know that it’s not because he doesn’t love me but rather just because he’s forgetful in general.

My point is, if your boyfriend made you feel loved and cared for, him forgetting certain details about you would not upset you so much. Forgetting a birthday when you’ve made it clear it’s important to you is a pretty big detail. But if he were a great boyfriend in other ways I could see letting go of that. But it sounds like he just didn’t have a strong interest in you in general.

I don’t know what his motives are in coming back but it may be because he’s just lonely. It’s winter, there’s a pandemic and lockdowns, it’s hard to date now. So maybe he just wants someone to be with for now. But what matters here is what YOU feel, not him. The more important thing is that you were over this guy in a week. You had already moved on. So I don’t see a reason to go back into a situation where a guy is going to frustrate you and make you feel unloved. I’m not saying this guy is a bad person but it doesn’t sound like you’re a good match, he did not give you what you needed when you were together, and there’s no reason to think that will change.

Hi Michelle
I agree with Liz and Newbie that the forgetting birthday was the last straw to a buildup of emptions with this guys treatment. Not knowing specifics it is hard to determine the root of your relationship. What I will say from your post is that this relationship is very young, 6 months is not enough time to allow a relationship to grow. I do understand how a birthday is important to you especially after telling him but as Liz said some of these occasions aren’t so important to others. If this guy treats you right in other areas there are a few things that can be corrected or dealt with that should not be deal breakers. It is obvious that couples have to learn to deal/live with each other. You will never find a perfect person who will satisfy all your needs but they can learn important ones. Would it be so bad to say “Hey know what today is….yes its my 27 years of life…I know your not into bdays but I am, so tonight we are going to dinner and your paying!”. I don’t feel that one day should be a cause for a breakup, I’ve known husbands who forget their wives birthday. Unless there is more to this that your not revealing this one instance to me is not a call for a breakup. If you feel strongly that there is no desire to get back with him then maybe your connection wasn’t as strong as you wanted. If that is the case then be honest with him about your true feelings and why you feel the 2nd time around won’t work.

I still believe your instinct is right on. Like liz i do not care about birthdays and we had the occasional question here when a girl was devastated he forgot the birthday. And i was like god girl get a grip. I would in those cases follow elvira in just telling the day its my birthday, Lets have dinner.
This is different. At 6 months he should care about your wants and likes and from your additional post i would say that Yes for him its more about the sex than the love. And i think you know it. I wouldnt judge him on the texting, or lovey dove stuff that is missing since guys talk love in very different ways. But the fact he doesnt say i love you, but says you are a good match sexually says it all. There is nothing with that part btw but a guy in love does expres himself different in most cases. But if youre hesitant you can always ask him to explain his motives to reach out

You are placing value on a method of communication that is important to you (obviously, since you broke up with him via a text message) but not important to him. That’s not a judgement, just an observation.

One of the things you should look at when it comes to relationship is whether or not this person adds value to your life. The texting issue would not be an issue if you felt understood, loved and supported in general. He didn’t do that for you or you didn’t see his methods of trying to make you feel those things. So in that case, I don’t think you were being unreasonable. You made it very clear what you needed and he didn’t give you that. I suggest forgiving him (more for yourself to let go of harboured resentment) but just moving on. Getting back together seems like it would just be a repeat of the past. He’s lonely but he hasn’t really done any work to get you back.