Mixed emotions and now even more confused


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This topic contains 6 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Peggy 1 month, 1 week ago.

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  • #775417 Reply

    Janet

    Hello everyone. I’ll try to keep this short. I have been FWB with a guy who is 11 years my junior for the past year. I told him night one it would be an hour of his life and that would be it lol. I never intended for this to go anywhere at all. I spent the first 9-10 months not feeling anything but friendship type feelings and attraction. Recently though, I’ve started to catch feelings. I had a hunch we were on the same page as our relationship had evolved into going out to dinner/drinks, watching football games together on his couch, texting and calling every day etc. I still had reservations in telling him, though, because I know we want different things. I am two years post divorce. I have a 10 year old. I’m months away from 40. I don’t think I want to get married again – at least not anytime soon – and I certainly do not want more children. He’s 29 and wants those things, obviously/as well he should. Anyway, last night I mustered up the (liquid) courage to tell him how I’ve been feeling. The delivery wasn’t great (I cried apparently haha) but I told him that I want to be together exclusively and he told me he feels the same way and wants to be with me too. But I also told him the truth about my reservations. I feel like I’d be taking him out of the game so to speak at a time in his life when he should be and is looking for the one. He confirmed what I already knew – marriage and babies are the end game for him – and I told him that’s not for me. He left it up to me to figure out where we go from here. We are going to dinner on Monday night and I’m hoping to at least have a clue as to what to do by then. My heart and my heads are at odds here and I guess I’m just hoping there’s a happy medium. Thoughts?

    #775423 Reply

    j

    ” I guess I’m just hoping there’s a happy medium. Thoughts?”

    You want no more kids and no marriage

    He wants kids and marriage.

    Feelings asides, you both are on 2 completely different books.
    I think you should let him be to find th girl for him, because by being with you, his goals aren’t going to be fulfilled. He wants you to decide which means, you either have kids etc or end things. You’ve had the life he wants, so dont deny him of this.

    I personally think you should do the least selfish thing and leave him so that he can find happiness.

    #775426 Reply

    Sophia

    I agree with J.

    Unless you love him enough to get married and have another child or two, you should set him free to fulfill his life goals.

    Unfortunately this divide is too great for a happy medium. Do the right thing here.

    #775439 Reply

    Janet

    I know you all are right. Thanks for the feedback. It’s such an odd situation. I can honestly say I’ve never felt like this about a man before. I don’t ever have those anxious, yearning, crazy feelings. I never do the “I want to text him but I shouldn’t/can’t” thing with him. There’s such an amazing level of comfort there. I hate letting this go but you all are right – he’s deserving of more.

    #775446 Reply

    Newbie

    I dont want to get your hopes up, but i would suggest you wont make desicions for him. In the end it all depends how much you want to be with the other person. For instance my nephew married his woman with a similar agegap and she also had a son your age. They are still together (over 20 years) but also had a kid together. And my uncle wanted to marry and have kids while his gf didnt. So they stayed together without kids and marriage.
    He is fully capable of making decisions without you pushing him out of the door. You both had an honest talk and know where you both stand so i would give it some time on how to proceed. Good luck

    #775447 Reply

    Liz Lemon

    Google The Moth, Aryana Rose, “A Love Not Meant For Me”. It’s beautiful, and sad.

    #775450 Reply

    Peggy

    I agree with Newbie-let him decide. You may get your heart broken later if he decides to to stay with you now,but maybe it will just work out okay… He could enjoy being a parent figure to the son you have.

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