Missing Ex of 10 years


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This topic contains 4 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  alllison 9 months, 3 weeks ago.

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  • #775889 Reply

    alllison

    I have been having trouble not thinking and missing my ex boyfriend.
    We were together for ten years since we were 14 and broke up when we were 24.
    He broke my heart, he was seeing someone else and wanted to explore something with that person. Her knowing her was in a relationship with me. I moved so that I could forget him but he kept wanting me back, while he still had her at the same time. He was playing us both. I ended things and moved on with my now fiance, we are now engaged. Its been two years since it all happened. But its hard to not think what could’ve been with my ex. I know that it sounds horrible and I shouldnt be thinking about him since I am engaged and I do feel guilty. But I dont know how to stop thinking about my ex and missing what we used to be. We were best friends and we basically grew up together.. its hard to not reminisce since everything reminds me of him. How do people who have been married for a long time do it? When will all these memories and thoughts stop? I know my fiance is who I want to be with I know hes the best, yes the relationship isnt the same as my ex its different more mature relationship and with my ex we were kids in love experiencing life together its very different love. How do people in long relationship completely forget their exs when they ment a lot in their life? How do I stop myself from thinking of what could have been and what if it could still be?

    #775891 Reply

    alllison

    Also adding the reason why I keep thinking about him is because through this whole time he has found ways to contact me to tell me that he misses me that he made a mistake. hes still with the girl but wants to be with me truly as what he says. i know its something that could never work after everything. But a part of me misses what it was. I had to change my number and emails everything so that he could stop contacting me. I never contacted him back but I was left with doubt and wonder. Has anyone ever gone through this?

    #775894 Reply

    Anderson

    It’s human nature to think back on what ifs. What if I moved to a different country, what if I had gotten married younger, what if I hadn’t gotten married young, what if I had reciprocated that smokin’ hot but toxic girl’s advances at work years ago even though I knew I would 100% regret doing anything with her :(

    On top of that this person was your first love. It’s natural to think back and wonder. This is probably male mentality but honestly I could never miss someone who treated me so poorly and so consistently. He left you for someone else. Then pursued you time and time again as a side-chick while already being with the same girl. And he still does this. I understand that the heart wants what it wants but damn. Have some self-respect.

    Personally, I don’t like to control my thoughts. I learned that at a very young age when I’d go pray and absolute wicked thoughts would flood my mind. Because you were told to have a clean mind during prayer. It’s called ironic processing. The more you tell yourself not to think about your ex, the more you will. Just let the memory of him be like a child in your mind that wants to play with a toy. After a while of reminiscing it’ll be out of your system.

    Have you told your fiance about your ex borderline harassing you?

    #775895 Reply

    Anderson

    Also, it’s important to make the distinction in your mind that you miss the memories of being young and in love. You don’t miss the person you had those memories with.

    #775896 Reply

    alllison

    Thank you for your advice, I’m really hopeful that these thoughts will go away. Ive been thinking going to talk to someone about this, since I just want it to go away because yes theres no way I d want to be with someone who treated me so poorly. I have to keep in mind that its just a big part of my life that I dont want to forget about but I also dont want to think about as missing but just a memory. I hope your right and that it will go away with time.

    And yes my fiance knew whenever he would contact me and he even got to the point of contacting my fiance as well. he told him ugly things that id never love him as much as i loved my ex. we got off social media and changed our numbers but hed find other ways to contact me. thankfully its stopped now.

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