Home › Forums › The Community Lounge › Miss the sex I had with him
- This topic has 7 replies and was last updated 8 years, 4 months ago by
Happy.
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Anon
Hi everyone, this is kind of an embarrassing question for me but really need some advice. I’m 32 and divorced, have been intimate with four guys in my life but for some reason I can’t stop thinking about the last guy I was with. We were fwb but acted like a couple when we were together. From the beginning he said he wanted us to be serious but I wasn’t ready for a relationship so we kept things casual, however I wasn’t seeing anyone else. Things were good for the first few months (we saw each other for a year) but after that he’d get mad for petty reasons and break it off with me. I’d always take him back primarily because the sex was so good but I knew things were dysfunctional and a pattern of being “on and off” again developed. During one of the off times, he got back with his ex and of course never told me. When I found out, I went no contact and never told him that I knew. I was hurt but mostly pissed at him and tried to move on with my life. The thing is he’s the best I’ve ever had and sometimes I wish I could see him just to have sex again. I know it’s wrong since he’s still with his gf and I’d hate myself if I went through with it. How do I deal with this? It’s been over four months since we last saw each other and I was hoping eventually I’d stop thinking about it. I haven’t been with anyone else since, though a couple guys have basically offered but I feel like they just won’t measure up (no pun intended). I feel like I’d have to sleep with a bunch of guys just to find someone else who can please me the way he did, but I don’t want to do that. What should I do?
M
Do you want a happy relationship or are you honestly satisfied with just sex?
Anon
Ideally I’d like a happy relationship. I don’t have kids and I want to start a family so I know I shouldn’t be wasting my time looking for just sex. I guess I miss the emotional intimacy I felt with him while we were having sex, especially since I haven’t felt that way in years.
Maria
Gosh, I can relate to that. But I think you should move on. You only had 4 guys? You WILL find someone else who would be just as good, if not better, than this guy. There is more than one person for all of us. Now you know what you want in bed, so you will be able to “sense” the type of men who can give you what you need. But are you sure you are not in love with him? Usually sex is THAT amazing ONLY when we have feelings, regardless of the measurements. lol.
M
If what you want is a family, then getting involved with him again is likely going to end in hurt feelings and time wasted.
You know that you could just as easily find that emotional connection and better with someone else who wants marriage and a family, right? :)
Anon
@Maria, yes I’m sure I’m not in love with him. I think we were just sexually compatible with each other.
@M, but I do miss sex. Should I be open to having a one night stand to get him off my mind? Never had one before but I’m seriously considering it now.
M
I don\t think it’s a matter of should. What do you think you’ll be most happy having done? If you are going to have a one-night stand, be as safe as you can and be clear about boundaries. It’s okay to ask the guy for a phone call the next day or whatever it is you think you’ll need to feel good about the interaction.
You have to weight the pros and cons for yourself. I don’t care for random sex. I don’t find it fulfilling in the least… especially since, as you know, most men who are just out for one thing aren’t overly great in bed. If you can find a man who is absolutely devoted to pleasing women and genuinely loves women, then it might be worth a try. But if he’s just going to be some lame-o off Tinder who is going to leave you sexually frustrated, it’s probably not worth it.
What are you doing to make yourself feel more powerful, confident and sexy?
Happy
A one night stand? You said he has a gf. Bad karma girl.
You want to ruin another woman’s relationship so you can have sex? Find your own man, sorry to sound harsh, but too many on here write in about being cheated on. Well…. So you want to encourage a man to cheat with you?
I think you should stop focusing on the sex and focus on what you really want. If you don’t love the man, leave him alone. Let him get real love from someone else.
It sounds like you simply want what you can’t have right now and it’s silly and immature to believe , based on what you wrote, that one night of sex is going to solve your problem.
Focus on fixing you, that is the solution to your loneliness and you will find a man that will give you all.. Not just sex.
Happy
And I doubt having random sex with another man for one night will help either. But if you think so.. Go for it.
Most of the time I find we have to learn on our own life lessons and no matter what others say, we will do what we want.
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