Mind games?


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This topic contains 6 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Nathie 9 months, 2 weeks ago.

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  • #779996 Reply

    Nathie

    I am so confused. We had an incredible date on Wednesday, one to remember. On Thursday he told me he missed me and want to see me again, but I had to work so i told him it has to be the weekend. I sent him a photo of me and he said “You are not going anywhere (with a heart)” which to me meant he’s wanting to lock things down. Then Friday morning he asked me if I’m seeing someone else. Which I’m really not, I cant multiple date it’s just not my character. So i told him that and asked why? He told me it feels like I am. (Maybe because I try to be scarce and let him miss me etc) That’s when he asked to see me Friday night and I told him i had a movie planned already and it starts at 7pm to 9pm. He said he will let me know where he is by 9pm and we will go from there. Movie ended and I texted and call him no response. I bumped into a friend of mine and we chatted for a bit to kill time. He sent me a text saying he is chilling with a friend of his (a guy whom I know) and that he will be heading home after to get dressed etc. So I asked him well what time are we meeting up? I was asking so I would know how to prepare myself in the mean time. He didn’t respond. I knew if I stayed with my friends I would be late in meeting with him, so I told them I have plans with someone and drove home very slowly giving the guy some time. I passed by shops, looked at xmas lights, even got food and then I realized I was at my place. By then my mood was different but i remained hopeful. Midnight comes I called him he cancelled my call. So I texted him one last message saying that we were supposed to be meeting up since 9pm. I’m not feeling these kind of BS. At least u could let me know and I could have stayed with my friends too” I sent this message 10 minutes passed midnight. He read it 54 minutes later. And replied at 0140am asking me where I was. Then around 2am he called me 4 times. Texted me to wake up. To which I ignored and fell in a deeper sleep.

    This is not the first time he disappoints me. Sometimes I feel he is all about me, but then I dont feel like a priority. We’ve been seeing eachother almost 2 months. When I say things like, it’s not wrong for me to date other guys since I’m not locked down, he said he’s going to pretend he didn’t hear that first line. He makes me think that he wants this with me, his actions says so as well but every now and then he would do this to me where he will come to me last or might not respond when I call etc.

    Is he seeing other people? I asked before and he said no. I dont plan on responding him today after last night. My mind is telling me that it will always be like this if ever this became a relationship, I also feel he likes me because he treats me as a girlfriend sometimes and he told me he likes me a lot, but I think he doesnt want this to be too serious yet. And if that’s the case then I dont want to be stringed along until he is ready. I dont want to be a doormat. Any ideas on what to do or say on this please?

    #780016 Reply

    Lane

    Honestly, it sounds like too much game playing and no one wins in these situations.

    I believe your “too busy” (aka ‘trying to be scarce’) to meet when he asks has become annoying to him and his interest has been waning as your ‘other life’ appears to be more important to you than meeting up with him. The fact is, the two of you made “tentative plans” to possibly meet up later but the fact is he made other plans with friends, because of your movie plans, was probably having fun at that time so stuck with his friends just like you stuck with yours at the movies. Would you have left in the middle of the movie to meet up with him if he asked? No, you wouldn’t, and he decided he didn’t want to abandon or drop the one’s he made just because you’re now available.

    Living your life is good but it shouldn’t come at the cost or expense of someone you like as you do need to start prioritizing them, or at a minimum, integrating them into your ‘other life’ if you want it to progress into a relationship. It sounds like you are being *too scarce* to date, at least that’s the message you are conveying to him and he’s receiving the message that you’re only interested when its convenient for you. That’s how I’m seeing it.

    #780056 Reply

    Not rocket science

    I’m thinking neither of you are ready to date. At least when it comes to dating each other.

    You’re way overthinking things.

    Breathe.

    #780062 Reply

    Newbie

    To me it sounds like you are trying to make him commit by telling him you can date other people and by making yourself unavailable (from what you are saying you already told him you now made other plans after the movie but instead were driving home slowly). But he is not swimming in the net. If after 2 months of dating you have no clue were you stand, its time to talk about it and move on if he is not doing what you like him to do. Now all both of you do is game playing instead of actually becoming a couple. I dont think this will work out.

    #780064 Reply

    Liz Lemon

    This is how I see it. You had vague plans to meet at 9 pm the night you’re talking about, but nothing firm. He was with his friends at 9 pm and chose not to come meet you, but instead hang out with them (even though he texted you the day before saying he missed you and wanted to see you). You later called him at midnight and he declined your call. Sorry but these are not the actions of a guy who is into you.

    And on the flip side you are playing games, making yourself “scarce” (why do that if you are really interested in the guy?), telling him you have plans when you don’t, reminding him that you have the option of seeing other people in hopes that it will trigger a reaction and get him to lock you down. This is game playing.

    I agree with Newbie, if after 2 months of dating you have no idea where you stand, or if you are exclusive or not, you need to have a conversation with him about it. But I don’t see this going anywhere, sorry. This guy just doesn’t sound like he’s that into you, and for whatever reason you are playing games with him despite 2 months of dating. It may be that your behavior is causing his interest to wane; or maybe his lack of interest is what is driving your behavior. Whatever the reason, it doesn’t sound to me like this will work.

    #780088 Reply

    redcurleysue

    Always watch a man’s actions. His words may mean nothing.

    #780213 Reply

    Nathie

    Hi all, just came back to this today.

    My movie plans was already planned way before he asked to see me. Should I have cancelled that? He didn’t exactly told me what we were doing, we were just going to meet up after the movie was over and take it from there. But that’s when all of that happened.

    Everyone made good points because he asked to see me the next day and he explained that he felt like second best. I dont understand it that much because tickets for my movie was already bought and frozen 2 was finally showing in my country after waiting all November I mean..I didn’t want to miss that. Call me childish but I like animation. Anyway, he said he didn’t know how to feel so he kept away and it takes him time to process what he will do next. I see he does this in a lot of things. He always keeps to himself until he can process better. And that’s why he sort of stood me up.

    I guess maybe I was too unavailable. I dont want to be clingy I’m terrified of that because if I get too attached it’s going to be hard for me to disentisize myself off him. But we’re still in communication and I’ve been showing some heart no matter how scary that is. Thank u!

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