Looking away if he's attracted to me?

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  • #798854 Reply


    So, I have a close guy friend. We dated for a very brief time, and he ended it because he’s not ready for a relationship. (And this is true. We are very close and he is having a lot of difficulty in his life that I won’t go into.) We have remained very good friends and he confides in me about many personal things. We do not have a sexual relationship now so that feelings don’t develop, but he has told me he is attracted to me and it showed while we were dating. The other day I go to see him at work, and I was dressed up nicely in a sequined dress and jacket and he would barely look at me!! Is this because he doesn’t want to let his attraction get carried away?

    #798865 Reply


    Were you intentionally trying to get a reaction out of him?

    I find that odd because most men have told me I’m beautiful even when my hair is just thrown up, wearing no make-up other than mascara; and wearing simple clothes such as a tank top and shorts.

    Just so you know I wasn’t wearing any makeup other than mascara, my hair was tied up in a pony tail or thrown on my head with a scrunchie, while wearing a tank top and capri pants that had seen better days because of the type of business I own, which is where I met my partner. He saw me that way for about a month before he (and some of his crew) invited me to have Christmas dinner with them on his ship (it was undergoing maintenance at a shipyard nearby). That was the first time I got gussied up and stuck out like a sore thumb as they were all wearing work clothes lol. Anywho, he still calls me “beautiful” even when I’m not gussied up so you are looking at attraction the wrong way—its how a woman makes him feel when he looks at her, and she looks at him, gussied up or not, that spurs the attraction.

    Just so you know my partner and I were in a fling for a few months. He too was going through some personal things, especially financial, so he wasn’t in the right headspace to be in a relationship, which I was totally cool with as I wasn’t in a relationship headspace either due to my business consuming too much of my attention, energy and time. Nine months later he came back (ship needed more maintenance) but he was in a different headspace this time and did a 180 by pursuing me for a relationship. I however was super hesitant to get into one until he was able to show me, over time, I could work with us. Bottom line: Physical attraction will ignite the spark but its what happens outside of the sheets, when your together doing non-sex stuff that will determine the overall attraction factor a man feels for a woman. The more attracted to you he is physically and personally (how you make him feel) the better your chances of it evolving into a relationship naturally and organically.

    If he treats you good and has an overwhelming desire to take care of you (wants to fix your car, picks up your favorite ice-cream, takes you to your favorite restaurant, takes you out on the town, wants you to meet his family, etc.) and is integrating you into his life, then you might have a chance of it evolving into a relationship. If not your spinning your wheels going to nowhere town and no amount of makeup or pretty clothes is going to get you there.

    #798944 Reply


    Hi, Lane!

    I wasn’t doing it per se to get a reaction out of him. I was on my way to a concert, but yes, I wanted him to see me in this outfit because he usually sees me pretty casually dressed. The funny thing is….a man called me beautiful in front of my friend when I was in a baseball cap and no makeup too. LOL So, I know what you’re saying there.

    My guy friend and I share lots of emotional and intellectual conversations and I know he respects and likes me as a person and has said I have been a very good friend to him. I am giving up on the romantic aspect for now to respect his boundaries and his life situation. He NEVER comments on my physical appearance since we downshifted to friends, which is fine, because I know he doesn’t want to create confusion and honestly, I am very pleased that the things he DOES comment on are related to non-sexual and non-physical attributes I have. I find this very respectful and proper given the circumstances. He did comment on my attractiveness when we were dating, however.

    He is usually very good at eye contact, so this is why I asked the question. Thanks for your respsonse and it’s nice to hear that you and your partner ended up together. That gives me hope for the future. All my best.

    #799045 Reply


    I dont think you can conclude anything from how he looked at you at work. I would say in general he probably likes you and is attracted to you because he told you that. He also told you he doesnt want a relationship. So your mind understands that but your heart doesnt and still thinks its making you look more desireable to him will make him change his mind.
    Did he know you were coming to his work to show your outfit? I dont know anything about his work but thats something i never saw with any of my collegues and there were 100ds. So he might have felt a bit embarrashed and not sure how to respond. I mean what do you say to a friend showing up all glamorous at work? If thats normal for you both then forget i said anything about it, but if not, i dont think thats If you still have feelings for this guy it may prevent you from moving on while being his friend. You might consider that. Staying around hoping a guy changes his mind is a very weak position to be in. So in a nutshell yes he problably is attracted to you, but if he doesnt want a relationship that doesnt matter. Take care

    #799046 Reply


    * i dont think its wise to show up at his work

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