Is it possible that I only like the chase?

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This topic contains 3 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Sage 2 months, 2 weeks ago.

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  • #943177 Reply


    My mom and a few boys have said this to me and I’d always brushed it off but now it’s been bothering me a bit and I sort of feel like a bad person.

    I’m only 20 and I’ve never really felt like I was in love before. I have been in one relationship where I felt like I did like him a lot, but honestly it was never too deep on my end and I admit I was still looking elsewhere so it’s probably for the best that it ended. Another guy who I thought I really liked a lot, initially started as an 8 month long crush. Eventually he told me he felt the same way so that was our chance, but I ended up flaking on him and leaving for college. He got a girlfriend later on and I proceeded to be hung up on him for the next few years. When we talked on the phone after a year or so, he said that he felt like I was only interested when he wasn’t available and that as soon as we got together I was gonna up and leave him.

    Now this was a guy I really did have feelings for…or at least, I think I did. But whenever we were supposed to hang out, I always got uncomfortable and never really let the relationship materialize. Now I feel kind of mad at myself, like I’ve been self sabotaging potentially really good relationships for no reason at all. Do you think that this is just because I’m young and haven’t found the one yet? I realized this about myself, that I have a tendency to stray a lot and I want to improve. I feel like an idiot because I feel like I lost my chance with him, as I didn’t confirm or deny what he said and we haven’t spoken in a month.

    #943179 Reply


    You are so very young and going to college is not flaking out on anybody! Keep focusing on you and your own growth in your education and your future career. There is no time-table for romance. That will come when you grow into yourself. Don’t listen to family or friends who are trying to say you like the chase… it sounds to me like you are doing the normal dating thing at your age. You will learn what your standards are as you grow.

    #943183 Reply


    I think it’s both. I think you’re young and haven’t found the best match, but you also may only like the chase. People may like the chase if they’re emotionally unavailable, scared, insecure, or simply don’t know what they want. It’s not bad when you’re 20 to test the waters and try out lots of different types of connections to figure out what you want, but it’s better to be upfront about wanting to date more casually while you figure it out so you’re not dragging anyone else through it. If the issue is you’re unavailable, scared, or insecure, then meeting the right person doesn’t fix this, even if they’re the one, and you may still self-sabotage. So asking yourself these questions is a good start for you to figure out what’s going, which will eventually lead you to figuring out what you really want.

    #943220 Reply


    There isn’t really a one where the skies part and angels sing like the movies portray. Relationships are a choice. Obsiously there needs to be chemistry, but also compatability. Then it is up to you to see what you create. The grass is always greener where you water it.

    Figure out what you want in a man quality wise and look for that. Then be open to getting to know a person and choosing to stick with it. Then you will learn for yourself how you are in a relationship.

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