Is he waiting to hear from me or losing interest?


Home Forums Did He Lose Interest? Is he waiting to hear from me or losing interest?

Viewing 12 posts - 1 through 12 (of 12 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #412147 Reply
    Alycia

    I’ll keep this brief and just give you the highlights.

    About a month ago I met a guy that is attractive, sweet, and also got out of a serious relationship about 5 months ago (I mention that because I know it is a red flag and could be a factor).

    He just moved to town and we hit it off right away. He asked me on a date for the next day, that night. I agreed and we had a blast. After that, we were texting every day and seeing each other at least twice a week.

    I thought everything was going great until he left on a trip for work a little over a week ago and I didn’t hear from him for four days. No big deal, he’s busy.

    He text me over the weekend to see how I was doing and it was unusually brief but I didn’t read into it too much. I did text him later on in the day to tell him that hearing from him made me happy. He quickly responded by saying that he was glad and he wasn’t sure if he was going to hear from me. I took that as a prompt to text him again the next day, which I did.

    Again, it was unusually brief but he told me that he was looking forward to seeing me the day after he got back (which we didn’t have plans for and I thought it was strange that he assumed).

    Since then, nothing. It’s been 3 days and I guess I am just used to hearing from him.

    Is he losing interest? Am I overthinking it? Just busy? Please help me out of my misery…

    #412172 Reply
    redcurleysue

    If a guy is interested he will communicate. Just sit back and by the way date other people as well.

    Don’t contact this guy – I don’t care if it takes weeks or months….you are the prize so stop getting off your throne to run after the men.

    #412175 Reply
    Lagirl

    Never give away how much you like a guy this early on. He was fishing to see how interested you are and you ate the bait by texting him.

    Once a man gets a whiff that you are into him… And more than he is for you… He will pull back and settle in. Not a good position for you to be in because now you don’t pose a challenge.

    Stop initiating texts and don’t be so available. Make him work for you.

    #412180 Reply
    Lane

    Just lean back and chill. Its not the end of the world if a man doesn’t check in so just keep doing what you normally do and don’t focus on someone your dating too much as a man doesn’t owe you a call or another date…if he does great, if not, next. When travelling you have to give them some leeway and they’ve had a chance to settle I’m sure he’ll reach out.

    Communication is best when one on one so don’t get caught up in the text trap, its a horrible habit to get into when dating and is the TOP TWO reasons dating/relationships don’t get off the ground. Leave some mystery and the getting to know each other when your actually together :-)

    #412190 Reply
    Alycia

    Thanks for the feedback!

    It sucks that even when we are adults, we can’t just have honest and open communication.

    I guess I had a bit of hope since he made it pretty clear he wants to see me the day after he gets back.

    The “fishing” comment is a good point though. Wish I had thought of that before I replied.

    #412555 Reply
    Alycia

    A quick update:

    He contacted me today to remind me that he will be home tomorrow and can’t wait to see me.

    Here is where I need advice:

    We haven’t made any set plans for tomorrow and I’m concerned that he will just want me to come over to his place since he will have just gotten back into town. I don’t want this to just be a physical thing but we are definitely not at the relationship talk yet.

    Do I just say no and stand my ground? Do I agree to see him but make it clear that I am not staying over?

    #412559 Reply
    talllady

    It seems somewhat ambiguous if you have plans or not. It sounds like yes.

    Have you already stayed over before? if so, why would you not stay over?

    If you are feeling uncomfortable, simply agree to go over, but warn him you can’t stay because you have XYZ thing that you are doing the next day… But only if you have already stayed over.

    Something like: So excited to see you too! I should warn you, can’t stay over :-(. Early tennis game. See ya at 8!

    #412581 Reply
    Alycia

    Great advice, thanks!

    I guess I am just concerned that I will be giving him mixed signals and I don’t want to frustrate him. Just want to slow things down a little bit…

    #567609 Reply
    Konnect

    For future reference, please refrain from playing the type of games suggested above, as guys already have enough work to do and things to deal with when it comes to trying to get everything from texting or talking or timing things, being able to read subtle hints and messages and diligently choosing their words correctly, etc. and get things right with women they’re interested in to keep them attracted. If you’re interested, just be straight forward and clear and let him know. If you want to call / text him, just do it. Please don’t mess up what could be a good thing by playing any extra unnecessary games (unless, of course, this is the type of relationship dynamic you’re looking for).

    As for me, since I know as a man that I must avoid anything that could be labeled as needy, creepy, stalkerish, thirsty, awkward, nice guy, etc. and whatever other labels exist out there, I cannot always be as straight forward, honest, and share / reveal everything I want (unless I’m getting a clear sign that it’s ok to do so) if I don’t want to risk losing the chance for the woman to want to continue taking time to get to know me. It simply just does not work that way for men. Therefore, the least a woman can do is let her interest be clearly known so the man can know if and how much he should openly pursue.

    Normally, if a woman starts trying to play hard to get or doing anything that could be misconstrued as lack of interest or unsureness, I keep my options open / reopen my options and start giving myself to the one who is actually being open, showing me interest, and giving me a clear sign that I can also be open and honest about my feelings towards them. I no longer do that “nice guy” thing where I chase or start chasing when a woman pulls away because I know based on real life experience what the consequences of doing so are.

    So, with that being said, please, just be straightforward and honest and allow the guy to clearly know where you stand at all times so he can feel comfortable with knowing how genuine of a bond there is and how much he is allowed to reciprocate his feelings. Focus on enjoying each other rather than the distraction of strategically gaming and record keeping. Don’t play the hold back game because it does not work with everyone (as some of us will move on to someone else if that someone else is being more open, approachable, understandable, clear and likeable/loveable). Also, be accepting of his feelings towards you and don’t reject him or limit him to just being friends or an emotional therapist because he is or comes across as a good guy.

    Lastly, anyone who has a problem with guys taking advantage of them after revealing their feelings “too soon” and thinks the game playing is the best way to keep a man interested is seeking or accepting the wrong type of men. There are plenty of us who want something real, straight forward, genuine and honest. Once the holding back games or any type of ambiguous game playing begins, the entire dynamic of how great the relationship could be is messed up because now people are being forced to hold back and play with the fear of being rejected if they keep things real.

    Just be natural and real. If he wants to play or stray just because he feels like he got you, then you quickly have your answer to what type of guy he is because men who are serious are usually straight forward and clear with what they want (especially when they feel that they are dealing with someone they can be open with).

    #607297 Reply
    Maria

    Konnect– I really like hearing your POV on this. Yeah, the whole “i’m not going to reveal my cards too much” thing can go both ways and if both people are playing this “game” nothing is EVER going to progress. I have personally had this backfire on me more than once.

    #607312 Reply
    Linda

    Alycia, if you think he is going to make plans to go back to his place, suggest another place to go to. I agree with Konnect, I thought I was playing it cool once not initiating contact and letting the guy come to me and plan dates. Things between this guy and I ended for different reasons but he did tell me once that he thought I wasn’t that interested because I never contacted him. Def show this guy you are interested in a suttle way but also keep in mind like you said yourself he is five months out of a relationship he might not be ready for something serious and it is too soon to bring it up so at this point enjoy the company just be careful.

    #607314 Reply
    Crisula

    THIS POST IS FROM MARCH 2015
    WTF????

Viewing 12 posts - 1 through 12 (of 12 total)
Reply To: Is he waiting to hear from me or losing interest?
Your information:





<blockquote> <code> <pre> <em> <strong> <ul> <ol start=""> <li>