This topic contains 5 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Newbie 1 week, 4 days ago.
November 21, 2020 at 3:58 pm #826387
I’m in this complicated position..
I was in a party last summer where I met an old friend of my ex, they were never best friends, more like old class mates. I have met him couple of times in my life through my ex,so I knew him a little bit, but not very much. I never paid a special interest to him before.
In this party we chatted a little bit and he told me he was going to move to a new house and it would be a lot of work on the moving day. I in my kindness offered him my assistance.
2 weeks later I showed up early at his place and help him moving, I noticed that he was very flirty that day. In the end of the day when everything was done he opens a bottle of wine and ask if I want to have a drink with him and he would order some food.
I agreed as I was starting to like him. We had more wine, and I stayed there the whole evening, we got very well along, he was smart, funny and good looking. We started kissing and I ended up spending the night with him.
After this night I didn’t see him for a month, because I was away . But we did keep in a little bit touch through some texting.
When I was back he quickly asked if we shouldn’t meet for a dinner together. I said of course yes. We arranged a nice evening where we made dinner together and had a very romantic evening , and I stayed again at his place for the night. When I was leaving the next day he asked if I wanted to come over again the next weekend and have dinner together , I agreed as I was having a wonderful time with him and I realized I was in love..
The next weekend was the same I had a wonderful night with him, and when I went home he even texted me on the way to thank me for a wonderful evening and how great time he was having with me.
Few days later he tells me that he is inviting few friends over for a party and he really want me to come.
In the party I did not talk much to him , but we danced a little bit and had a good time. When the last guest left I assumed that I would stay over but he acted weirdly like he was expecting me to leave to.
I asked him if it was okay I would stay for the night, he looked at the watch and said, of course its late, you can sleep on the couch … I was like what!
I walked to him put my arms around him and was going to kiss him but he turned away and said “We should not do this ” and went to his bedroom. I was in shock.
I went to the couch but didn’t really want to stay , I felt unwelcome.
The next morning I just wanted to get away. When we woke up I said I should better get going home, and he said yes, but gave me a good bye hug.
Now it’s 2 months from this night, I’m still in love with him, still confused and don’t understand what happened. I tried to text him, he replies but it is different… No offers about having a nice evening together or hanging out. I really don’t understand what happened. I think it has something to do with my ex, as he don’t want to spoil their friendship by dating me.
Is he trying to forget me ? What did he mean with this “we should not be doing this”?November 21, 2020 at 5:09 pm #826399
No one here can tell you what happened. But I can tell you, we should not be doing this is not good. And being in love on the third date is gross over investment. You did not know this man and he was never your boyfriend. You need to let men lead and if they stop leading, they are not interested. He is not trying to forget you as you were most likely never that important. I know that is painful to think, but so is blaming yourself for his actions. Let him go.
And if you want a relationship, don’t sleep with a man so early without commitment and move his stuff. A man needs to earn that. You moving his stuff created your investment in him, not his investment in you.November 21, 2020 at 5:50 pm #826411
I think it was never his intention to make this serious and he noticed your mindshift on the party. In general its a bad idea to just date and sleep with a guy without having any ideas about his intentions. Because it leads exactly to this scenario: you caught feelings but he most likely did not. It sucks, i get it, but try to never overinvest in the first few months and make sure youre on the same page. Google seven steps a guy falls in love and you will understand.
Its been two months without him making any kind of move on his part. And no this is not about your ex but just a guy not wanting to take things further.November 22, 2020 at 3:11 am #826462
I have known him for many years, it’s not like we just met. And he was so romantic , showing so much interest and then .. Boom, like he changed his mindNovember 22, 2020 at 4:28 am #826468
Honey, as we said, you think he was all in, but that is projection because you were all in. You don’t know because you never discussed it and being nice to you for a few dates is not difficult, he needs to be nice to you over and over and say “be my girlfriend”
You did nothing wrong other than get too involved and assuming what he was looking for. Never invest in men who are not your boyfriend. Be warm and playful etc, but not invested. Men who are not your boyfriend are simply not real until is is explicit.
None of that changes because you knew each other.November 22, 2020 at 6:26 am #826481
Yeah i did think he changed his mind from enjoying it to no more allowing sleep overs once he realized at some point soon he would have to hurt your feelings not taking it further. And thats exactly what he told you.
And there is one other thing that might have had some part which is about your ex. Some guys really cant get over the fact if they know girl has slept with x. For sex is ok, but not to become an item. It doesnt really matter here and its just speculation but for my man that really is a thing