Is he the one ?


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This topic contains 1 reply, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  MF 1 month, 1 week ago.

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  • #795124 Reply

    Lia

    Hi,

    My boyfriend and I have been together for 10 months or so. Everything was going great, until recently.
    I’ve been seeing a therapist, to get the chance to understand and heal some trauma from the past related to my family, and she has been asking about my boyfriend last time I’ve talked to her. The 1st time, we were talking about my behavior with food when we’re not together (I’m on the orthorexia side since I’m seeing her, unraveling all these painful memories from the past is something really difficult for me), and she asked me if I told my boyfriend about that, which I didn’t. She then told me, did you lie to him then ? My answer was no, I don’t feel like I lied to him, we are talking about some of my difficulties and past history when the opportunity presents itself in the discussion but I don’t feel like I have to tell him everything. She is my therapist, he is not, and I don’t want to burden him with too much details. Orthorexia was already hard enough to admit for me, and I’m not sure I want to involve my boyfriend at this stage given the fact I’m already working on it. Is it lying to him?

    The second time, she asked me how I felt about the relationship and I said great, because he is a great man and I couldn’t ask for a better companion : he makes me laugh, he is supportive and attentive to me, he listens and is willing to work on the relationship to make it better and better, he is very gentle and patient with me, he is committed, and he has a lot of values that I truly admire. He makes me feel loved and I love him. But she wanted to know if I was really fully in and I was taken aback. I didn’t ask myself the question before as I considered myself being “fully in” but I’m also a bit scared by it though (my mother was abusive, and I’ve been in a few abusive relationships too before taking the time to work on me, my sense of self-worth and confidence and meeting my current partner). This whole thing of being treated like a worthy human being by a man is all very new to me and yes, it’s scary sometimes because I sometimes fear that it’s too good to be true. So I’m taking it easy and try to not pressure myself about it. But she didn’t seem to find it enough and insisted on me reflecting about my relationship. Which has left me with a feeling of uneasiness and discomfort since I’ve talked to her. I’m having doubts, I’m also being anxious and feeling pressured to find out. Instead of just enjoying it, I’m carefully watching him and myself. And I lost my cool for the first time with him for no good reason at all a few days ago.
    How do I know if is he the one or not ? What’s happening to me, am I having doubts because he is not the one and I’m trying to deny it or is it a normal process ? Please share your thoughts as I’m feeling very confused by the situation. Thank you

    #795129 Reply

    MF

    Hi Lia, have you been seeing this therapist for long? I have seen a therapist in the past and I will admit I stopped when I started feeling like it wasn’t helping me. I am not saying that is the thing to do. I recently started speaking to someone new and after the call I actually felt worst/angry. Not because of anything she said but because when they start asking questions and you start answering it can bring up emotions that you probably didn’t want to bring up to surface. I am not an open person with my emotions and speaking to someone is not something I felt would help but I am trying.
    I think you should communicate these anxieties your having to your therapist and be very honest, that’s what they are there for…to hear you out and listen.
    Don’t question your every move let your concerns come out in your session so you can get a better understanding of any underlying issues you may have.

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