Is he busy or losing interest, confused!

Home Forums Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals Is he busy or losing interest, confused!

This topic contains 11 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  tammy 1 month, 4 weeks ago.

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  • #899576 Reply


    So I have been dating a guy for about 2 months. He got out of a very long relationship the end of 2019.
    In the beginning he was texting me a lot, telling me he missed me, generally being complementary and a bit needy.

    In the past week he has had to move apartments and has only had a week to get things sorted. We last saw each other Friday just gone but he has been too busy to meet.

    His nice complementary texts have kind of dwindled, but he still initiates messages with me and got a bit sad when I was busy last night and couldn’t chat as much. I work full time and so does he but we still message on and off through the day.

    He has never really been one to initiate dates, but he has always been up for meeting and doing something.

    I said to him that I know he is moving this weekend, but once he is settled or has free time it would be nice to do something. He said of course and he is sure he could make some time around sorting furniture, etc. He has said that he can’t wait till he is settled and has more free time.

    I don’t know how to take it, is he just busy?

    #899584 Reply


    I’ve no idea what the problem is here… it all sounds perfectly reasonable. Just chill!

    #899593 Reply


    You’ve been doing all of the (date) initiating?

    #899601 Reply


    Not all of it but about 65% of it. He said to me I never let him know what my plans are and wished I involved him more in what I get up to, so it has mostly been me asking. He tends to make a lot of plans with his friends that don’t involve me. I know it’s early days and I don’t expect to be included at this time.

    #899634 Reply


    He has been quite short with me today and I asked if he is ok, he said he just has a lot to sort out and was stressed but now he is excited. I don’t get the being short with me. His conversation has gone really bland. I am trying to be upbeat with him but it’s hard.

    #899650 Reply


    I think you posted about this guy before. I would back off completely. Stop initiating, don’t plan any of the dates, etc. If he does text, be friendly or flirty or whatever, but not accusatory or confrontational (you didn’t imply that you were going to be that way, but it is worth saying).

    Give him a bunch of space. Stop reaching out. Let him do him, and you do you. He may be interested (we can’t answer that for you), but it sounds like at the very least he needs to get some of his own ducks in a row before he can pay attention to you. Will you be around by the time he gets his act together? Maybe, maybe not. ;) Just live your life, explore other options at this point.

    #899704 Reply


    Yes to what mama said!

    #899713 Reply


    You posted as C0nfused_Becky in ‘He never asks if I am free or if I want to do something.’

    You got some really good advice… Why are you still initiating/engaging with him?!

    #899737 Reply

    T from NY

    A man who wants you in his life – makes it known. They really do. Do what mama said 100 percent.

    After years of learning my mantra is – When a man pays attention to me less, I pay attention to ME MORE.

    #899762 Reply


    Thanks for the groundwork Raven! I went back and read that thread and I do think it’s the same person.

    Somehow I don’t think this poster is going to listen to either thread of advice. She’s going to work really hard to force it to happen, then get disappointed when he doesn’t turn out to be this dream guy she wants.

    He’s lazy and unorganized and plays games. Imagine if she did the OPPOSITE of what she wanted, and actually did what we suggested. She may lose him, that’s a definite possibility. But she also may make herself available to a real gem if she stops obsessing over this lump of coal!

    I wish women who ask for advice get out of their own way and actually listen to what’s being said. So many of you post advice that helps on such a deeper level and it’s really all about doing what’s best for the most important person in the story — the OP!

    Ah well, free will. What can you do?

    #899828 Reply


    We’re having another run of people posting, getting good advice but not what they want to hear, and using another name and changing some details and asking again because they can’t accept they’re in no-win situations.

    #899924 Reply


    gud observations guys. many posters now take the time to explain. go in depth and lay it out quite in detail. and the basic is when the guy is acting flaky, pull way back and don’t initiate too many chats. if he misses you and steps up his efforts you know hes interested. by forcing the man its not going to work. christie you need to stop initiating all contacts with this man. make plans with friends, go out on dates, just dont waste time waiting for him. if hes interested he will get in touch with you and make concrete plans to meet. anything short of this is just a waste of time.

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