I’m not sure if no contact is actually working

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  • #813898 Reply


    I was with my ex who I work with, for 2 and half years absolutely prior to this we were friends for 2 years but 5 weeks ago we split up because he said he no longer had feelings for me. As soon as we split I said bye and left his house without saying anything more. The next day at work we said hello but then avoided each other. About 5 days later I messaged him telling him how I’d felt, not begging him back or asking him why just telling him my feelings and told him he didn’t need to avoid me at work as I wouldn’t discuss this there. He replied saying he wasn’t avoiding me he was just giving me space as he didn’t know what to do and I could message him anytime. Then 4 days later I messaged him again to see if he was ok, as he’s got to go to a different department at work which he’s really depressed about and looked very upset at work and as he suffers from depression anyway I wanted to make sure he was ok. The next day at work he came to find me and gave me a hug. Then I found out about no contact so the next day I gave him back his house key, which he seemed surprised about and then I initiated no contact. The first week he occasionally tried to talk to me more and I was civil and polite but didn’t engage. The following week I had a week off and when I came back I asked my manager a question and my ex came to help. Then last week my ex was off for a week and came back today. We said hello but then he didn’t try to talk to me anymore and wasn’t his usual jolly self at all. He’s moving departments tomorrow (which is probably why he’s quiet) so I doubt I’ll see him much, if at all, which will help no contact but is it a bad sign that he’s stopped trying to talk to me and has never messaged me during no contact so far? Also apart from when we say hello he doesn’t usually smile at me and although it’s not so obvious he does still avoid me at times. Thank you for any advice/opinions.

    #813899 Reply


    No contact as a way to get your ex back is just a big fat fairy tale lie. So dont get sucked up in it. If your bf called it quits because he fell out of love then i would take that for face value. Why would you plot your way back to a guy that doesnt love you anymore. And suppose it works? Would you enjoy the relaitionship knowing he can suddenly quit it?
    Give this some time for yourself. Your man who you thought would be there for you suddenly left. And you dont really know why. Stop feeling sorry for him and his sad depressed ways. He left you. Now its time you go look after you. Giving him the key back was a great step and going no contact is also a great step. But not to get him back. But to get grounded yourself l, to grieve and move on.
    Sometimes an ex can come back. For instance because he was overwhelmed or you were too focused on him. But the 30 day no contact is bs. Make it 3 months at least.
    Im really sorry this happened to you. I think your ex got feelings for someone else or there was something substantial missing. Im also sorry your bf didnt think the history of you was worth some talk about it. But it frees you up for new things. I do believe these things happen for good reasons that will reveil themselves over time. Take care and read why men love b*tches. Thats time better spent. These women are not real b*tches but they wont ask a guy how he is doing after he dumped her. They say so long dude

    #813939 Reply

    T from NY

    What newbie said all day long

    #813948 Reply


    Its not working because you are doing NC for the wrong reasons. NC is about YOU. Its about spending time on you, distancing yourself from him, growing, healing, learning and ultimately getting over HIM. Its a complete fallacy that NC brings men back. Sure in some cases they might miss you and have a change of heart but that is very rare and not necessarily a good thing.

    You should not be judging the success of NC with how many times he tries to reach out to you, but with how you feel and strengthen each day that he is gone from your life.

    Its a blessing he has moved departments. Don’t feel sorry for him! Feel happy that there is no more exposure to him and you can really cut him out of your life and move on

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