I’m losing myself, what do I do?


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This topic contains 4 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Tammy 1 week, 3 days ago.

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  • #936658 Reply

    Berryln

    I just got out of a thing with a manipulative guy. Basically I was used by this guy.
    This whole situation is ruining me because I have to go to school / online courses and then work in the evenings, but since the situation happened . I haven’t been able to concentrate, I might fail my courses because I am in the class but my mind wanders and I end up not learning a thing after classes. I have missed my online classes for two weeks. I go to work and forget myself, I have been cautioned twice.
    I go home and I just want to lay in bed till the next day, I stopped eating but I recently got my appetite a little and now I’m binging a big meal at once and end up throwing it up.
    I’m always crying, I’m literally just walking and I’d just start to cry.
    Everything reminds me of him, and every time I remember him my stomach tightens and I feel like I want to ground to swallow me.

    It’s been 3 weeks and I am slowly losing myself. I have checked for therapists and it’s too expensive, I have to pay for my school expenses on my own. I tried the school therapists and it didn’t help at all.
    I would love some suggestions please.

    #936705 Reply

    Maddie

    I’m sorry you’re struggling. That’s not a great position to be in, because in my experience many schools unfortunately do not have the best therapists. In the meantime, perhaps try searching online for Thais Gibson overcoming anxiety, and Thais Gibson how to get over a breakup, or other similar search terms. She has free content that may help you focus back on yourself. The biggest thing you need to do is stop giving away your mind space to someone else, especially someone who doesn’t deserve it. The more you dwell on him and abandon yourself, the more the anxiety will continue to hurt. Deep down you don’t believe right now that you deserve better, you deserve respect, you deserve to get your needs met, but you do! Another person does not assign your value or worth YOU DO. He’s already mistreated you, don’t let him take your own identity away from you too.

    The other thing you can search for online is cbt exercises for anxiety. That may help you calm down in the moment and regain your focus for yourself and other things you need to do. Be kind to yourself, you are still you even if someone else didn’t appreciate it enough. If you’ve got a support network, spend some time with friends and loved ones, not to talk about the guy, but to take your mind off of it and feel care and support from people who deserve to actually be important to you. Breakups suck and there’s no way around that, they require some time to mourn, but losing yourself like this is a sign that you don’t trust yourself and are letting your perceptions of other people call the shots in your own life.

    IF this guy did more than just acted like an uncaring young jerk, if he physically crossed lines with you in any way and it was unwanted, you will need support and therapy. Internet links won’t do it. So if that happened and you have anyone you can reach out to who may have resources to help you get therapy outside of the school, please consider doing that so you can get help. There may also be free resources available in your community if that is the case.

    #936708 Reply

    Rubi

    Hi

    Are you able to share what happened with this guy? The more details we know, the more people will be able to give you good and sound advice and help you see things in different ways that you might not be seeing at this time.

    #936727 Reply

    Berryln

    Thank you Maddie, it’s been so hard to do anything but I will look up those exercises , I don’t feel like being around people much so I haven’t seen any friends of late . Maybe I would try.

    To answer what happened between us, it’s such a long story but basically we’ve been seeing each other for a year he was really good to me from the beginning, he was crazy about us being together.

    But towards the end things changed, he started lying and gaslighting me ( I didn’t even know this was what was happening until he broke up). I later found out he had been sleeping with and talking to some girls when we said we’d be exclusive , also found out he was still in contact with an ex.

    I couldn’t confront him yet cause I had managed to snoop through his phone cause I noticed the lies and he’d always go everywhere with his phone when we are together, he never left it with me.
    Before I could confront him he dumped me. He slept with me and dumped me.

    We’ve had sex before but this was so painful cause he knew he was going to break up but still decided to sleep with me and was being sweet the whole time then dumps me after he left, saying he only had sex cause he thought I wanted it. Also said that he didn’t want to do this anymore and needed his freedom.

    Even though I cried and pleaded several times, he said I was forcing myself on him and I needed to leave him alone.

    I know this is probably not some crazy break up story for me to be going through this much pain, but maybe cause I didn’t want the relationship at first and was scared. Then the moment I got deep into it this happened.

    #936731 Reply

    Tammy

    Hes sounds terrible!! You have had a lucky break!!! Just think of it this way! If your best friend or sister told you this story, wld you still want them to reconcile with such a guy?? I am sure not.

    Maddie has given some excellent advice. Pls just read and reread her post and try to follow. Many of us have gonebthru hearbreaks, its tough initially. But you will eventually get there and realise what a douchebag ur ex was!

    Another thing. Just unfollow him on social media, delete / block him on all chat platforms pls. just remember no man is worth your studies and career!

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