If it's right it's easy?


Home Forums Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals If it's right it's easy?

This topic contains 6 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Diana 9 months, 3 weeks ago.

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  • #779970 Reply

    Diana

    Do you agree? I don’t know if I expect too much. It’s clear everyone is dating multiple people but my expectations are:
    1. I meet someone
    2. We text a bit and then have a date
    3. We have another date following week.
    4. Repeat number 3 or meet twice a week
    In the meantime we keep in touch not too much but I know he’s interested, I’m not on my toes.
    I’m showing my worth yet subtly letting him know he’s becoming my priority guy. I don’t accept a few days of radio silence after a date or before it. I know several couples that took months and many mini breaks and that’s the norm but I attended a wedding. They both met, went to grab coffee and were inseparable since then. They just clicked. No games. They both felt “oh she/he is great”.
    Do I expect too much?

    #779971 Reply

    Newbie

    Every time i read something about showing your worth, i cringe. Its sounds fake. I would replace that with: over time im showing him who i am. Because thats what dating is about. Finding a match that suits with your personality.
    Im also not sure why you dont allow radio silence for a few days when its in the early stages of dating.
    All in all to me it says you are describing the clinical part of dating and its good to have some standards, but its really about two people meeting and you cant always put that in the same box

    #779975 Reply

    Liz Lemon

    I agree with Newbie in that what you’re describing is being clinical. There’s no magic formula you can plug in with dating to make things work with a guy. Relationships are not like baking a cake, where if you follow a certain process and measure things correctly, you will end up with a nice cake. You can’t say, “if we go on X amount of dates in Y time, and he texts me Z times, we will end up with a relationship”. There’s no recipe for a relationship. It depends on so many things– not just having complimentary personalities, but timing also, and other factors.

    The bottom line is, its about making a connection with someone. It IS easy when you meet someone and you click and want the same things. When that happens there shouldn’t be game playing.

    Of course you should have standards and expect to be treated well, but the right person WILL treat you well, he won’t leave you wondering or not contact you for extended periods. Having said that, silence for a day or two when you are first dating can be normal. But only for a few days, someone who is into you won’t leave you hanging for extended periods. You also have to let things develop naturally, and not pressure things or try to force a certain outcome. I think that’s the hardest part for most women, the fact that they can’t control the process.

    #779978 Reply

    Lane

    I think this is so true where you measure the amount of interest based on the time(s) you spend together and don’t spend together too because you have other things going on in your life that aren’t centered around a man (or woman) you barely know or still getting to know. Men have fragile ego’s (fear rejection) or are afraid of scaring a lady off if they appear ‘overly keen’ so don’t expect most men to dive in head first, like your friends did and make an instant connection. Sometimes it happens but oftentimes it takes more time for someone to be surer about a person through observation and listening before they are able take it to the next level—I myself am a tortoise not a hare which too fast turns me off lol.

    What I do now is if a man is very interested he will keep you on his radar, makes sure you don’t forget about him so he will keep you in close range to not only keep his competitors away but to put himself at the top of your list to show you what a good BF he would make—he is vying for your attention because he’s smitten or has already fallen in love with you.

    If you have to do something to ping, prod, show or prove to a man you exist then you are wasting your time! However, if a man is spending time with you, asks a lot of questions about you and slowly starts integrating you into his world/life, that’s the best sign to indicate a man’s interest level and if your interested too it could evolve into something great if you are also showing the same level of interest—not too much, not too little. Some are quicker, some are slower—its the overall consistency, how you mesh on important topics, and of course feel about each other (attraction) is what you want to pay attention to while also observing him to look and listen for any “red flags” of course as you don’t want to get involved with a lemon (liar, cheater, addict, etc.)!

    #779980 Reply

    Tallspicy

    It is easy in – MEN WHO WANT TO BE BOYFRIENDS, ACT LIKE BOYFRIENDS AND DO IT PRETTY QUICKLY – usually between 3 and 8 weeks.

    But, if you are so tied to rigid rules, you will be frustrated.

    #779981 Reply

    Tallspicy

    Oh yeah and 0 f’s until he is your boyfriend anyhow!

    #779988 Reply

    Diana

    Thank you. I had this rules because I thought about my standards. What worked and didn’t. It’s not a baking formula. I just met some guys who after a good date texted me, sent me a link to some funny video, did something. I knew I was on their mind because of it. Some guys are not into texting but I appreciate at least a one-liner after a date. Why? Because people are usually glued to their phones. So if they’re breadcrumbing me I’m out and don’t attach. I became too cynical but it’s because I want to invest in something that exists. I’ll try to be open-minded but I’m perfectly aware that… let’s call him Dave goes out with girl X on Friday girl Y on Sunday and girl Z on some other day. It’s pretty normal but I hate to be a part of audition process for several weeks. That’s why the example let’s grab a coffee and naturally became an item seemed so appealing to me.
    I’ll take your input into consideration for sure!

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