Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › If he does not check up on you for 2 days ….
- This topic has 30 replies and was last updated 4 years, 8 months ago by
Ianthe.
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Dee
Is a sign that he is not into you at all?
Almost a year relationship, serious.
See each other regularly, sometimes 2 to 3 a week, if our situation allows maybe every day.
This week we saw on Saturday until Sunday midday.Communication was okay until Wednesday evening.
But I have not heard from him since then.
Normally week like this he would ask me today if it is okay to meet on Saturday.
I don’t know what to do now if he does not reach out tonight.
I have no issue reaching out to him and I know I can but I just want him to do it.
I am annoyed that he thinks it is normal or maybe does not care not hearing from me for so long.
I’m not needy but I do want a man who does leave for days.
What to do?Dee
He doesn’t have to but in this occasion I felt I needed him to do so as men normally do. And normally he does.
Dee
If I had something to say to him I normally do.
But since I had nothing important to tell him, it would’ve been nice if he checked up on me, normally he always tells me when he gets home from work when he is heading to work.
Sometimes during his lunch break.
It’s just weird he has gone so quite for 2 days without even remembering me.
I don’t know what he is doing because I have not heard from him.Dee
I’m not scared to reach out to him but I want him to reach to me – how is that hard for you to understand?
Anyways thanks for your input.
Anderson
Why not text him yourself that you missed his usual texts asking about a meetup on Saturday. And if he was down to meet? Use this opportunity to be the one to step up and reach out to him instead. I agree with Karen that this seems like playing silly games.
If I put myself in his shoes, the idea that I have an obligation to _always_ be the first one to do something in X scenario just because it’s what I’ve normally done… sounds suffocating.
Dee
I think he doesn’t want me no more – because if he did he wouldn’t go this long without contacting me.
Khadija
Two days is not long.
Instead of getting in your head and agonizing about him reach out.He is not a mind reader and plus it would be a nice change for him to hear from you, to set up plans.
Anderson
“I would not text that you miss his texts. That’s the best way to piss a guy off that he did something wrong.”
It’s never pissed me off. I’ve been told by various people, not just a gf, if they missed me doing XYZ. Never thought much of it and if anything I appreciated it being pointed out. But hey I’m going off of only one source aka me and if you know a few that got pissed off then it’s probably safer not to.
Jo
@Dee
“I want him to reach to me – how is that hard for you to understand?”Maybe he wants you to reach out to him.
Karen
[Karen was banned, posts deleted]
Asayi
So he’s been consistent in the last months (texting + seeing each other), so why are you complaining now? He might be busy himself or preoccupied by something else, so why don’t you take the initiative for once in many months?
If he does 99% of the initiatives, I don’t see why you wouldn’t put a bit of effort too? We aren’t telling you to start doing allll the initiatives and works (because then it’s a different situation where it’s legitimate to worry), but you obviously miss him and want contact, so why refrain yourself? He said it himself that he’s happy when he hears from you. Honestly, guys aren’t too much different than us, women, and what makes us happy often makes them happy too… If the man loves you, he’ll get a smile on his face when he sees your name popping on his phone.
He’ll get tired if he’s the one doing all the work even after a year. My parents are married since 26 years and dating since 28 years and my mom takes initiatives: she texts him in the morning after she leaves for work, she calls him on her lunch break. I don’t feel like she’s chasing him or whatever (my dad calls her too and maintains contact too). They both contribute to the relationship and they don’t take each other for granted even after all these years.
Shoot the guy a happy and positive text and stop obsessing about things that don’t matter. What if you lose him tomorrow? What if you lose him tonight? There are worst things in life that sending a text to the one you love. Because it doesn’t matter when it’s the real thing.
Liz Lemon
Aren’t you worried that something might have happened to him? If he’s normally a good boyfriend and been communicative for an entire year, then I would be wondering if he’s OK– rather than pouting. What if he’s sick, or had an accident? It can happen.
Otherwise I agree with everything that’s been said here. You’re creating a problem when there isn’t one. Just reach out to him if you haven’t heard from him since Wednesday and want to talk to him.
Anderson
@Karen That’s funny and interesting. Because in my experience that “rule of thumb for men” of yours applies more to women. But I’d say it’s for any person who’s too insecure to handle criticism. And I meant my “miss you texting me” in the same connotation as your better way to say it example.
Dee
Asayi That’s all good and I do appreciate what you have said and it does make sense but I just bring myself to do so . I juts have this inner feeling telling me he should be reaching out to me if he wants me.
Oh he is fine, alive as he active on his social media.
Jo
Maybe he has an inner feeling telling him you should reach out to him if you want him.
The problem with games is someone loses.
Liz Lemon
I’m willing to bet the OP has had issues with power struggles and game playing throughout her whole relationship. There’s no way someone in a healthy, happy relationship of 1 year would be refusing to contact her boyfriend and stubbornly waiting for him– and questioning his interest in her– yet stalking his social media to see if he’s active– for no apparent reason. We just wouldn’t be having this conversation. The OP is not giving us the whole story.
Asayi
Because OP is freaking out and thinks that her boyfriend doesn’t care and has lost interest. I don’t think it’s the case, but I do believe that he might end up losing interest if she doesn’t contribute to the relationship.
OP, you seem to have someone who’s good with you and treats you well. What do YOU do in that relationship? How do you show him that YOU care and that YOU love him?
Relationships aren’t made to be one way. Guys lose interest when they feel like you take them for granted and that you don’t want to put efforts too.I myself think that men should be the one to reach out and take initiatives (mostly in the phase where he has to woo you), but once you’re in a relationship, without becoming the one who chases the guy and who does everything, you can (and should!) take initiatives too.
Anyways, you do as you want, but take some distance, dismiss your ego for a little while and realize that all of this isn’t worth playing and stressing over.
Newbie
Dee, if you feel he is done because he didnt contact you, you are:
– right. You felt it in your gut something is off about the whole relationship but you are focussing on details like this for proof;
Or
– super anxious which can be caused by youre not feeling secure or you being overly sensitive. Unfortunatelt being anxious can also be a self fullfilling prophecy.
I dont know which one. You do know if you overlook the whole dynamic of the relationship. I think if its a year and you doubt his level of interest, something is off.
I do know that once a relationship is established daily contact is pretty much the norm but that doesnt mean something is off when there is a day without communication. Maybe he felt like you, he had nothing to share. Maybe he was superbusy.
So i do understand you want to leave it up to him to contactvoorkeuren first in this case. Im just not sure if it will give you any answers. And what will you do when he does? Get angry, ignore, be nice, break up?Ianthe
Why not just shoot him a text with something like ‘Are you OK?’
If you do hear from him, I would just by myself while playing it cool and casual.
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