If a guy doesn’t push for sex

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This topic contains 3 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  T from NY 1 month ago.

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  • #822680 Reply


    Just went on a third date with a man and I have a feeling I’m totally overthinking this situation.

    First of all, the time between our second and third date was a few months because of covid restrictions and our jobs. We were in the same city but because of my job as a flight attendant, and restrictions with his job for a sports team, we kept in touch but never met up until a few nights ago. I was in his hometown just a few nights ago, and we met up for dinner (planned in advanced, not last minute.) At first, I thought he might be making excuses to keep me around but I was glad to see that he wanted to meet up even after quarantine!

    He and I click and we talked for literally 5+ hours on the date. The topic of exes and relationships came up – standards and whatnot. He asked about my ex – which was a toxic relationship to say the least. But I did my best to keep it vague, I explained that I was happy the relationship ended and that as toxic as it was, it made me better for the next man. My issue is, I get anxious talking about it because it was an emotionally and mentally abusive relationship so I’m nervous I said too much. He asked about how long ago it ended, why did it end, and if I still had contact with him (answers: over a year ago, he cheated on me, and no he’s been blocked on all platforms) He opened up about his standards in dating and what he’s looking for as well.

    I keep trying to remind myself that the date continued for a few hours after that! We ended dinner and went to a nearby bar and talked even more for another 2 hours. The date ended, he drove me to my hotel, and he gave me a really long hug and a kiss on the cheek and that was it! He paid for everything that night, and suggested going to get another drink after dinner. We haven’t slept together, and actually after making out on our first date, I said no to sex.

    Honestly I just feel like I messed up and have no real solid reason. I do not associate him with my ex and have worked hard on healing, but I can’t shake the “ptsd” if you will.

    I guess this is a two part question- 1.) am I overthinking this feeling of anxiety and messing up? 2.) what does it mean if a guy doesn’t push for sex right away- is that good or bad? Because I’m floored by how he hasn’t 😂

    Thank you!

    #822683 Reply


    You’re overthinking…
    Maybe he’s a gentleman?

    #822694 Reply


    You should not be dating if you overthink things this much.

    You should not care about what you or he says or does and if he comes or goes. This holds for any man not your boyfriend. It is called the zero f$cks rule of dating.

    What men do on a date literally has no meaning unless he keeps asking you out and it means nothing about you if he disappears. Learn it, live it, love it.

    #822784 Reply

    T from NY

    Take a deep breath, draw way back and still yourself. He’s just a dude. You have no idea if he’s even worthy of your time, energy and especially your sex. The fact that he still wants to see you after having made out and you turned him down for sex is a good sign. But it could mean something or not mean anything at all! A lot of men want a woman that doesn’t sleep around (even though that’s bullsh#t and shouldn’t be that way it’s true) so maybe that impressed him. OR you could just be a challenge to him now. AND even if he did agree to be sexually exclusive and you have sex, he could begin to crumb off slowly (hell – even abruptly!)

    That’s the point. And why you should not care right now. Because only time – and a man’s actions – in conjunction with his words will tell you what a man’s intention and real interest in you are. You did not mess up anything. You cannot do the wrong thing with the right guy. Men have liked all kind of crazy.

    Speak to others. Concentrate on you. He does not exist except when you’re speaking to him or HE is planning a date. The time will come when he will step up or step off and ask you to be his girl. You will have assessed if he makes you happy and make a decision. Whatever happens you’ll be fine either way.

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