Home › Forums › The Community Lounge › I think he's going to ask me to marry him
- This topic has 6 replies and was last updated 2 years, 5 months ago by
mama.
-
AuthorPosts
-
mama
First off: I’m older (50-ish), been married and raised great kids. Been there, done that. BUT marriage is important to me later in life as well.
My partner and I are both in our 50s. We’ve been very happy together for over 3 years. We’ve both lived enough life to know what works and what doesn’t. We make a great team. We have issues just like everyone else, but the difference is that we are on the same side: we want what’s best for US. I wish I found this guy 30 years ago. ;)
We’ve talked about marriage and we’ve talked about moving (a large distance away from where we are now). I’ve always said that I don’t want to move until a few things happen (3-4 things regarding my family). He wants one thing to happen — all my debts paid off. (I agree with this.)
Low and behold, most of those things have happened recently, or will happen in the next year. The final thing I asked for before moving was to be engaged. I honestly didn’t think he would ever ask me — I have been thinking we were going to have to end eventually because that’s what I wanted and not what he wanted. He said he did want that, but he needed to work some stuff out on his own first.
Lately he’s been doing things that lead me to believe he’s going to ask me. (It’s not just one thing, it’s a combination of things from him and his family.)
I just never thought this would happen. I’m kind of freaking out now. I’m not sure what to do. Brutal truth, please.
Raven
Awesome!
Breathe & don’t overthink…What happens if he doesn’t?
Gaia
((hugs))
Ohhhh mama! Breathe. Now Breathe again. It’s sounds like the timing is coming together for what you want and it sounds like he’s sorted out the things he needed too. I really hope it happens for you!mama
Raven, it’s not the do all end all, so if he doesn’t ask we continue as is, which I’m actually fine with right now.
Lots of change has happened in my family in the past few months so I’m giving myself at least until summer to figure out if I’m okay with things as is or if I want something different. I accept him as is and he’s great. I just don’t know if i want more or if i’m happy as things are. I have to do a bit of introspection I suppose.
Maddie
mama, that’s great news! Even if there’s a lot of feelings with it!
It sounds like you haven’t talked about where things stand with him in a little while, is that correct? While the circumstances around a proposal should be meaningful at the very least and preferably a nice surprise, I believe things would go a lot better for many people if the proposal itself being eminent was not an unexpected surprise. Can you have a check-in with him about are you both still looking for the same things as before now that the previous milestones are on track to be completed? Talking it through may give you more clarity or calmness because it will eliminate guessing and uncertainty (which can cause anxiety and doubt).
And if in your introspection you decide you still do want him to propose, don’t ask toooooo many questions which could spoil any specific surprise or timing that he’s planning, of course :)
Lane
Mama, we are in the same love boat haha. I for a long time didn’t think I would ever get married again—been there, done that, and honestly believed I would never do it again…until I met my current partner.
Mine has taken every step, we have talked about marriage and building a life together. I am the one who has been procrastinating because I am still struggling to make that kind of commitment. I absolutely love what we have NOW, and concerned the honeymoon will be over when I finally do take that leap of faith but at the same time, I too, would need some kind of assurance that its for the sole purpose of building a lifelong partnership together as I am no spring chicken lol. So I do agree with you; when that moment does come, there would need to be a proposal for me to take it.
All I can tell you is to go with what your gut, and do what you think will be best for you. If he pops the question then say “yes”, if that’s what you really want. If he doesn’t then don’t move if that’s your requirement. Let us know how it goes :o)
mama
Thanks all for your words of wisdom!
We had a huge talk about what we wanted last spring. Both of us want marriage but are a bit scared. We have been there and know the emotional cost. Since then, we’ve talked about it here and there. It’s not a taboo discussion by any means, but I will bring it up again, casually like we usually do, to see where he’s at.
I’m happy if he asks, and equally happy if he doesn’t. I like where I’m at in all of this, to be honest. If he does, it will be a loooooong engagement because I suck at change. If he doesn’t, then that’s okay too; we will talk later on about what we want, after the holidays are over, just as I figured we would before any of this came to light. He’s a great guy, best partner I’ve been with. I think I’m a great partner, too. We’ll figure it out.
Thank you!
At least there’s one thing I learned in all of this — he’s horrible at keeping secrets, bless his heart. ;)
-
AuthorPosts
