This topic contains 7 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Liz Lemon 1 week ago.
September 14, 2020 at 6:45 pm #812873
I had been talking to a guy for about 5 weeks that I met online dating. We had been texting, then phone calls and FaceTime. We talked a lot about meeting in person and we’re getting pretty close and talking everyday although we hadn’t met. I had some insecurities about not meeting and expressed some of the inconsistencies I saw with him in a direct but problem solving way. Our schedules are both busy and he works nights and I work days so the logistics were hard but I felt there were times we could have hung out but he was tired from work and had some family emergencies/illnesses. I finally pressed the issue a bit recently and pinned him down on finally meeting t the next day. He told me to call him in the morning to help wake him up. I called about 10 times throughout the morning and txt as well. No answer. Then my calls went to voicemail and my messages stopped delivering. I’m pretty sure he blocked me. I’m confused because he seemed really into me but when I pushed to hang out in person it never happened and now this. Not sure if it was a red flag about him or if I just pushed too hard. What do I do next? Just wait to see if he comes back?September 14, 2020 at 6:57 pm #812876
It’s not you, it’s him. This guy was never serious about meeting you. Unfortunately there are guys (and women, for that matter) who enjoy flirting and talking to people online, but prefer having a fantasy to actually meeting in person.
He may have a girlfriend, but not necessarily. Some people just like to screw around online and have no intention of actually dating people in real life.
When a guy is serious about dating, you will not have to push him or convince him to meet you. He will WANT to meet you. The red flag here is that you had to push the issue and force the meeting to happen. That shows he was never really serious about meeting.
Don’t blame yourself and don’t worry about it. Forget this guy. Chances are high he’ll resurface eventually with a stupid excuse and want to continue talking/texting…but any time you ask to meet, he’ll vanish and make an excuse. Don’t wait for him and don’t take him back when he resurfaces. If you do, he’ll pull the same thing again. Move on and talk to other guys and forget this one.
If a guy is not eager to meet you in person, stop giving him your time and energy. The point of online dating is to MEET IN PERSON and date from there, not spend endless weeks/months texting or talking on the phone.September 14, 2020 at 9:34 pm #812889
YOU pinned him down for a meeting??
You called 10 times AND texted as well??
I would block you tooSeptember 15, 2020 at 12:08 am #812901
Agree with Liz, there are so many guys/women who are time-wasters. Please do not blame yourself for texting him or messaging him too. Next time, perhaps not to push for a date although I could understand your anxious feeling. The best remedy for treating anxious feeling is to take a step back or date others if that guy is not putting any effort. ACTION tells the truth.September 15, 2020 at 2:11 am #812914
You called him 10 Times?!September 15, 2020 at 4:50 am #812922
Firstly no point in meeting a man if you have to force and cajole him to meet!. Secondly one or 2 phone calls are enuf! calling someone so many times would fall under desperate behavior. from his behavior it comes across that he didn’t really care enough or wasn’t curious enuf to meet just as yet. ideally you should have simply stepped back and reduced your frequency and intensity of online chats till concrete plans were made for a personal meeting.cant do much now. just try not repeating this behavior again.September 15, 2020 at 7:16 am #812942
Who needs a phone call to help wake up?! Yeah no.
Why call so many times? One call, MAYBE one text, then done. This guy never was going to meet in person. Just another online game player, of which there are many.
If a man is interested in meeting he will make it happen, not repeatedly give excuses as to why he can’t. Next!September 15, 2020 at 9:06 am #812955
Another bit of advice you can take away from this experience: Don’t spend weeks talking and “getting close” to a guy without meeting him in person. I understand with the pandemic that people’s options to meet in person are limited. But if you are not under a total shutdown where you live, and can meet in person– DO IT. Even if it’s just for a socially distanced walk in the park, or a cup of coffee outdoors. Women make a huge mistake when they talk/text with a guy they’ve never met for weeks or even months sometimes. It creates a false sense of intimacy. They get attached to the guy and think there’s “something” there. You think you know the person, but you don’t.
What if you meet in person and there’s no chemistry whatsoever? That has happened to me plenty of times in online dating. I have connected with a guy, he seemed great/attractive, and when we met things fell totally flat, we had zero chemistry. SO you are wasting your time if you spend an extended period talking over the phone instead of meeting in person. If you connect and seem like there are things in common, you should meet right away. There is plenty of time to talk and get to know each other AFTER you meet and decide there is chemistry.
This also weeds out the time-wasters quickly. If a guy wants to spend hours talking to you but can’t/won’t meet you (he always has excuses), walk away. A guy who is serious about dating will make it happen, as the ladies here have said. He will want to meet you pretty quickly, for the reason mentioned above– to see if there is chemistry and whether this is something he wants to pursue.