I push guys away


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This topic contains 16 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Kash 1 week, 5 days ago.

Viewing 17 posts - 1 through 17 (of 17 total)
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  • #939339 Reply

    Kash

    I started talking to a guy. He has been talking to me about me. And his own self too.

    But he also said things like I want cuddles, You don’t like them or what? And there was another time he asked me when was the last time I had s*x.

    Does this in anyway mean he is looking for a sexual relationship only?

    #939346 Reply

    Raven

    You two have not met yet & he’s already talking sex to you?

    You’re not pushing this guy away, you’re being smart!
    This guy only wants sex.

    #939377 Reply

    Kash

    Thanks Raven. Needed to hear that.

    #939379 Reply

    AngieBaby

    Kash – for you and everyone, if you’re starting a chat with someone you met on a dating app and he brings up sex in any way, cut him off. It’s inappropriate and someone looking for a long term relationship wouldn’t do that. He’s testing your boundaries and this is one test you absolutely want to flunk!

    #939396 Reply

    Kash

    That’s great advice, thanks

    #939399 Reply

    Tammy

    Hes testing waters to see how receptive you are to sex early on.

    #939411 Reply

    Kash

    Just a follow up question. What do I exactly tell him is the reason for not talking further? He will definitely ask. What do I tell him? Even if I say no to talking further, he will want to still stay friends. We have lots of mutuals. Sudden cutting down feels harsh. He called me 2 times. And texted twice too. I haven’t replied

    #939412 Reply

    Maddie

    You can say you’ve enjoyed talking to him but you don’t think it’s the right match for you and you’re not interested in wasting anyone’s time. If he’s a solid guy he’ll thank you for telling him and leave it at that. Especially since you’ve ignored his last messages, this shouldn’t come as a surprise to him. If he’s less mature he may hassle you for a reason, and you can tell him you’re only seeking a VERY serious commitment. That will probably scare him off, particularly since you haven’t met yet, and then you won’t need to worry about it further.

    #939415 Reply

    Raven

    Well @Kash, sounds like you have found a Stage 4 Clinger! Nip it in the bud, before he turns into Stage 5.

    #939417 Reply

    Kash

    I have still not spoken to him. He sent me a snap during the day and called me in the evening. i am feeling very guilty. If he again texts or calls me I will take it up with him.

    #939418 Reply

    Raven

    @Kash, if you want/need to reply; ‘I’m sorry, I don’t have time for this.’

    #939419 Reply

    Monica

    Agree w others- he has the wrong intentions and you’re smart. Maybe my personal anecdote will help: A coworker began texting me personally. At one point suggested I come over, Devil emoji, for some fun. I didn’t take the bait and said I know you “moved out” but would need to be separated from your wife and also I just don’t have casual sex encounters. then he proceeded to do this whole thing for months about how I may be the love of his life blah blah and he was separated . Guess what: He never officially left her but continues having sex w me if he can, constant disclaimer he “doesn’t want a relationship.” Trust the first impression, no?

    #939422 Reply

    Kash

    I replied to his text today by sending a hi. He just sent me a snap.. didn’t ask anything about why I ignored him. I think slowly this shall fade. Thanks for all the advice.

    Monica: must have taken a great deal to move away from the toxic situation? I hope you are okay now

    #939427 Reply

    Maddie

    Kash, you replied by bread-crumbing him instead of shutting things down. That doesn’t deal with anything, and there’s no indication from all his contact that he’ll just take a “hint” and fade out. My recommendation of what to say was assuming that you were struggling to end things politely since you are in the same social circle and didn’t want things to get awkward with your mutual friends. If you don’t say anything, this will continue on and may get back to your friends if you aren’t clear with him. Send the text Raven suggested and then block him if he keeps reaching out from there. I know you’ve posted about struggling with attachment issues before so it may not come naturally to speak up, but it’s good to practice communicating your needs, especially in a low stakes situation like this. Take responsibility to get what you want instead of leaving it to others and allowing whatever to passively happen to you… in this case, you want to cut things off, there’s nothing wrong with that!

    #939428 Reply

    AngieBaby

    Kash, if you’re going to do online dating you need to be comfortable with setting and stating your boundaries. Why do you feel guilty for not wanting to interact with this guy any longer? He’s said some inappropriate things that have signaled he is likely only looking for easy sex. You have every right to say, this isn’t working for me, nice to have met you, I’m bowing out. Are you a bad girl for hurting someone’s feelings or rejecting them, is that the story you’re telling yourself? If so you are too focused on pleasing others at the expense of yourself. This guy will live if you tell him you don’t want to talk with him any more. So what if you have mutual friends?? Don’t be passive aggressive and ignore and then say hi and expect him to get the message. Just tell him straight. How he takes it is his business. Your job is just to show up, get to know him and if it’s not what you want, communicate that you’re out. If you can’t do that, you’re going to have unpleasant time dating.

    #939464 Reply

    olivia

    I definitely wouldn’t meet a guy again if he asked s*x questions on the very first date

    #939541 Reply

    Kash

    Update: he texted me one day that i have discarded him like a tissue paper.

    I decided to be direct this time and not breadcrumb him. I told him i am not looking for the kind of companionship he is looking for. He asked me okay what kind of companionship am I looking for? I told him he’s quite vocal about it, he wants cuddles, hugs etc. To this he replied, hahahaha wow, i don’t think I ever said that. Maybe once when we talked about it. Fair enough, nothing to persuade or convince. If you’re disinterested to speak. Your call.

    I again haven’t replied.

    So it’s done and dusted.

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