I miss him already

Of course you are… This is normal.

You said you painted- paint.
You obviously write- write.
Go for a walk.
Give yourself time, you will feel better with time… I promise!

You will be tempted to reason yourself back into fwb. Dont do it. It wont solve anything. You got to keep remembering that you were not good enough for him. He could have said yes if he wanted to. Never want a man that doesnt want you. That helps me to stay away from pining. Remember also what it would do to you if you were still friends and he did meet someone he wants to date.
Count days, after a week you will be better alteady and so on.

Clearly im not trying to be mean. You have to play tricks with yourself to prevent going back. Thats all. Yes, she wasnt good enough for him. And thats no shame. Thats his loss. Thats all

Newbie that is the worst, most f***ed up advice I’ve ever read on this site. If anyone I knew talked to me like this, I’d cut them off and never look back. I’ve got nothing else to say to you.

Queenie and others… for God’s sake, don’t “play tricks” on yourself like this. If you’re cut over up a break up the last you need is to tell yourself you weren’t good enough for him. You weren’t right for each other. Or the relationship ran its course. Don’t kick yourself this way EVER, extremely unhealthy.

Thats the worst fk ed up advice you ever heard? This post ‘im missing him’ is the start of doubting the endresult. He was such a good friend, we could talk about everything. Maybe i expected too much, maybe i didnt even want it, maybe we should be friends. Thats what i see a lot on this site. My comment is by no means meant demeaning, but the opposite: he didnt want me so fk him. If you dont understand that, im sorry. Maybe i wrote it wrong.

There is also another thing i didnt adress before because it wouldnt help the issue of first finding out how he feels.
Yeah we all knew he used disclaimers and it was a dead end. But that doesnt make this man ‘honest’. Im betting he knew perfectly fine queenie was getting feelings. He didnt pull back, in fact he did the opposite. To me that doesnt make him a sensitive and caring guy. So thats one thing you can at least be a little mad about. It helps detach. For me at least.
Anyway im out for now

I don’t think newbie meant you aren’t good enough for him – English is her second language so I think it came out wrong. I think she meant he didn’t think enough of you to commit so its his loss.

Its ok to be hurt and feel pain- its a stage you have to go through . Stay strong. You did the right thing x

you will be tempted to contact him and he might even contact you when he is bored and have no one to sleep with, but please don’t respond, you need to cut him off completely.
the thing that helps me moving on is the fact that I know what I can offer someone and if the guy doesn’t see it then that is his loss , not yours. And I am sure you will see it in few months time.
in the meantime , join the gym (if they are open where you live) go for walks, find a hobby.

I agree with what Newbie is trying to say– this guy was fine with having you as a no-strings-attached, psuedo-girlfried, but did not value you enough to step up and commit. So tell yourself, I don’t want a man who does not value me and want me. (I know Newbie didn’t mean what she said in a hurtful way, she’s one of the smartest, kindest, most sensible women in this forum.)

Also totally agree that it was $hitty of him to occupy much of your time and energy, and even try to escalate your interactions by bringing your daughter into it (!)– most likely knowing that you were catching feelings, and knowing that he would not be willing to commit. That’s selfish. He was happy to bask in your increasing feelings and emotions, knowing that he would never reciprocate. Granted, you technically had a FWB arrangement, but I think he was irresponsible to continue escalating your interactions. The fact that he has very little real relationship experience (as you mentioned in another thread) says a lot. This might be a pattern for him.

Whatever the case, it’s totally not your fault. He was never going to commit to a relationship and made that clear from the beginning. I know it’s really hard right now. You legitimately miss him & that’s understandable. You’re in the habit of telling him everything, and it’s really hard to suddenly drop that habit. So it’s important to occupy yourself with other stuff now. Fill the void with hobbies, friends, working out, yoga, reading, cooking, anything.

Try to switch up the narrative in your head, too. This is what Newbie was trying to express, I think. Don’t focus on the lost friendship or how much you miss him. Tell yourself– this was a person who (perhaps unconsciously) took advantage of my loving, caring nature. And when I asked for reciprocity, he knocked me back but wanted me to continue giving my time and energy to him. It doesn’t make him an evil person, but it makes him selfish, ultimately. And you deserve better. When I finally cut off my going-nowhere-FWB arrangement, it helped me a lot to view it through that lens. And in my case, he did come back and reach out, and want to pick up where we left off. Even after it was clear he would not give me what I deserved, and our interactions were totally unbalanced and unfair to me– he wanted to continue all the same, because ultimately he was selfish. Hopefully this guy will put your emotional well-being first and leave you alone, and not try to suck you back in.

Just to add: with this exercise its crucial to state for yourself what you are gaining from missing him. I was seriously addicted to nicotine and i had urges at first like hundreds a day, fysical urges like, im almost home, i can smoke and was pretty much picturing that while biking home. So i engaged with myself saying: Yeah this is unpleasant but its what you wanted. And the fact youre missing it, means youre succeeding in what you wanted. And you wanted it to become healthier and not spend money on things that are bad for yourself. Thats the sequence. I will probably did it a few hundred times mostly in the first month. After that it was gone

To me it just sounds like he was never open for a relationship. He said as much in the beginning and he stuck by that. People can really enjoy someones companionship and love hanging out without the need to take it further.

Don‘t beat yourself up over it. It‘s just a fundamental incompatibility between the two of you. Nothing you could have done or said to change it. Take it as it is.

I don‘t really see him as a „bad“ guy or a liar or someone who took advantage if you. BUT if thinking that helps you move on…i say go for it. What does it matter. Anything that helps.

like after any breakup/or loss of friendship you will feel lonely and hurt for a while, and that is totally cool. This too will pass.

Just focus on yourself, your family and your new puppy for now and don‘t be tempted to go back to him. He can‘t give you what you want or need and I am sure you will find someone who can when the time is right.

All the best