I looked at his phone

Don’t waste time with guilt and hurt feelings. You checked his messages because your intuition correctly knows what he’s really doing behind your back. Apparently your self-esteem is still extremely low since you’re still there.

Sorry to tell you but you are NOT in a “great spot.” You’ve still got your head buried in a dream of the perfect relationship and you do not want to see the truth. This guy is a liar and serial cheater. He isn’t going to stop. For all you know he’s doing it now. Even if he isn’t, he will again at some point. Do you want to live with a cheater the rest of your life? You want to marry a guy like this??

I think your counselor has this wrong about how to handle. And you are NOT “insecure”. You’re bothered by someone cheating on you, that’s not insecurity if you are supposed to be in a mutually agreed upon monogamous relationship. Honestly – you’re gaslighting yourself into believing you’re wrong for feeling this way. You’ve already wasted too much time you can’t get back trying to make it work with this two-timer.

Get a counselor who can support you in deciding to leave and making a plan so you can get out. If you confront him, he will deny what he’s doing and then you’ll really feel bad. You have the solid proof. But trust me, he will try to twist it around on you if you confront him. Liars very rarely cop to what they’re doing. Make your plan to leave and then one day you calmly tell him you’re leaving. You don’t argue, you just go. Guys like this do not ever change. Sorry this is happening to you.

Amen to all of that KK! And I would add one thing – when you find clear evidence of cheating by checking someone’s phone or computer, never ever admit to that person how you found it. That gives them ammo to get all righteously indignant that you invaded their privacy and they will make themselves out to the victim of your snooping. It sucks that you feel you have to check their devices but you were right to check because they are lying to you about their activities. Your partner sneaking around with other women is information you have a right to know. So don’t feel guilty for checking, be grateful your intuition prompted you to do it. What’s both hilarious and pathetic is how they will emphatically deny their activities and make up all kinds of other lies to make you back down but you know the truth because you saw it in writing. That’s all matters. You saw enough evidence for which there is no other possible explanation.

Sadly, you knew from early on what he is but went on with him and ignored it. I hope you will be willing to see the truth and the light now and leave.

Why did you look through his phone and mails.. what in your gut made you think to search it? Now I asked this because I’m thinking it could be past traumas you’ve experienced.. it’s not normal behaviour something to work on there.

If you was to admit this to him he will think you’re going through his privacy! And would blame this on you for getting caught!! Which in a man’s brain will indicate to him that you’re insecure or he has the upper hand over you etc.. So there for what you’re looking for you often find.

The thing here is that you guys are not married he should be living with you without solid commitments or engagement men take this very serious when it comes to dating there dream woman ask yourself are you his dream woman?

There is alot of red flags in this relationship I feel that he is using you. You’re to kind and vulnerable he can get away with anything with you and lives with you. He isn’t sure about what he wants and that’s fine he doesn’t need to be in your presence meantime but it’s what you allow.

I find it strange you have kept this secret from him for sometime I can imagine how this is tearing you apart inside and hurting you alot.

The best solution is to tell him you need space get rid he is using you and manipulating. Unless you guys get married and make it official

Hope it goes well