I keep having dreams about confronting him


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This topic contains 11 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  tammy 3 weeks, 3 days ago.

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  • #777454 Reply

    Riley

    So my boyfriend (ex bf) broke up with me over text about a month ago. (Basically I’m moving in a couple months but he has to stay where he is so he didn’t want to continue “wasting time investing in each other” and to be hurt when i leave him). He was a real jerk about it though and although I fought for the relationship in response at first I eventually just said “have a great life” and blocked his number. I am trying to heal from being treated so disrespectfully and my ego is a little hurt so I’ve been refraining from texting him how terrible it was to break up with me like that. I know it wouldn’t help and I know I’d be stooping to his level, but I keep having dreams about seeing him in person and confronting him. Anyone believe that this means anything or should I stick with my gut in just letting it go

    #777457 Reply

    Tallspicy

    I am so sorry that happened. My last boyfriend did the following: ended it without trying to fix it, after he promised me we would always talk through problems, and then when I did reach out to try to open the door (said I understood it was over but knew we both value communication), he slammed it shut. He literally said “No amount of communication would have changed this for me”. THIS WAS A BAIT AND SWITCH OF THE HIGHEST ORDER OF OUR RELATIONSHIP. I promise you I did NOTHING to get this treatment – we had one hard conversation. I now see who he was, not that I did something for me to deserve being treated poorly.

    So, what I realized was that trying to confront a person who sees nothing wrong in what they did (and I guarantee he thinks he did the best he could, or is too embarrassed to admit to anything else) will not work – it won’t bring him back, and you will get no satisfaction.

    Getting people to do things in relationships is hard enough, getting people out of relationships is impossible.

    So, you better off reminding yourself to let go with forgiveness, gratitude and compassion.

    This same guy blocked my match profile 7 months later when I looked at his once.

    FOCUS ON HOW AWESOME YOU ARE FOR THE NEXT DUDE. and realize this one just does not have the capability to do what you thought he could do.

    Stick to your guns, you will only regret not just walking away. He knows where to find you.

    #777458 Reply

    girl27

    Sounds a lot like my ex! But guys usually do that they don’t like to sit down and be adults about the situation. They just rather break up with you through a stupid text. I’ve tried confronting too, Tallspicy is right if they can’t see what they did they just won’t care. You deserve better

    #777463 Reply

    K

    Write down anything you want to say on paper, and then burn it. That will get it out of your system. Don’t contact him.

    #777467 Reply

    Better off single

    You keep dreaming about confronting him because you feel like there’s unresolved issues between you two or things left unsaid.

    The more time goes by, the more it will reveal what has been unresolved or unsaid and will resolve itself. It might not even matter to you anymore when it does.

    Like tall spicy said it shows who he is and maybe that is all you need to know.

    #777468 Reply

    Better off single

    Or like k said.

    I keep a notepad in my phone to get out all of my frustration and aggressive thoughts. When im over it, i delete it to help forget the emotions and the words.

    #777471 Reply

    Tallspicy

    You know how I know it is him and who he is? I have broken up with or been broken up with many times. This is the only one who literally months later, I am still angry with. Every other man who I had this with – we left kindly – we acknowledged we liked each other, but for some reason it was not working. And a wish you the best. I wished him the best when we broke up in person and when we texted a few days later. I never even get a Hi Tallspicy, or a wish you the best – either in person or his bait and switch. He said he had bad breakups, I never have – now I know why.

    Never date men who badmouth their exes – calling them nasty names years later. It shows they do not have a forgiving heart and are disrespectful of women.

    I should have known because he had showed me who he was before all of this. My guess is your guy as well.

    #777473 Reply

    III days grace

    I think people who bad mouth their ex’s like pointing out all the negativity in their relationship or calling them nasty names are people who are hurt because they just want to get over it and are having a hard time because somewhere deep inside they still love them.

    Maybe you’re still angry because you didn’t listen to yourself from the start.

    Me, I’ve been angry in the past because I wished it never happened.

    #777475 Reply

    Riley

    Thank you all for your personal answers and advice. After reading your experiences, I know (because I’ve also been in this position) that he is being rude and cold to me because he still loves me. And yet for some reason I can’t get it out if my head that we ended so badly even though I know he did a bad thing and I deserve better. I’ve tried writing a letter but it’s like everyday my brain comes up with more things that I am angry about.

    #777477 Reply

    K

    Riley – so just be 100% angry! Really feel that!! Once you do that the feeling will naturally resolve on its own and fade away. When you resist or insist that you have to express your feelings to him, it does not resolve.

    #777479 Reply

    Tallspicy

    I am not angry at him anymore – he had some very lovely parts of him and I truely am grateful for some of what he did, compassionate about where he is at and forgive him. I gave all of these details so that the poster can see she is not alone. That said, I did ignore some major red flags and I have no one to blame but myself on that! That is on me. He did nothing to me that was not in line with who he presented himself to be in some ways when I really think about it. So I chose this. I won’t ever again.

    Things I learned – perhaps the poster can use this to process
    – Never ignore red flags, just yellow ones. Red flags get dumped.
    – When the relationship is over, time to make sure you see him for who he is – no pedestal.
    – When people say the will communicate or something else about emotional intelligence, make sure that what the say about their past and the actions they have taken indicate that they are actually capable. A lot of people say they can and want to communicate, but if they demonstrate that they are not actually doing it, or were not able to in the past – make sure they have done the work.
    – Forgive yourself where needed

    This all frames a bad situation into what you will learn, which means nothing you did is a mistake.

    #777511 Reply

    tammy

    having dreams about is only natural I guess since you dint get the chance to really discuss this with him on breakup. I think you did the right thing in blocking him. just stay firm and don’t give in. after a bit it wouldn’t even matter much.

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