This topic contains 3 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by anon 1 month, 2 weeks ago.
April 5, 2020 at 11:35 pm #788740
I really need some advice…my (ex) boyfriend of almost a year just broke up with me two days ago, I am really crushed right now, cause in a way this is my first real relationship and “real” breakup;
I guess I should start at the beginning of it all…so, my now ex partner and I met through a dating app last year, he lives in Norway and I lived all the way in Bolivia (South America). We started dating some months after starting chatting despite him being clear he didn’t wanted a ldr until he could be “closer” to me.
Now, my relationship began somewhat bad, he knew he had feelings for me before getting together, yet, he still talked about how he fucked this or that person, with him knowing that I really liked him. I even tried walking away two times cause I was feeling hurt, but he would always beg me to stay cause I was “important” to him. I of course found out later in the relationship, that he was still meeting people through hookup apps despite having me there waiting for him to be something other than his “internet fuck buddy”
Anyways, we both became really close after he had a really big psychotic break around summer last year, and we made it official afterwards. We both were extremely in love and knew that we needed to close the gap soon enough, although he was never interested in visiting or traveling to my country to see me. I always had plans of going to Europe either way, so I started looking for opportunities just to be next to him and also, in a way, kill two birds with one shot, right? I would finally be living in Europe and meet and be with person I loved the most! If things were only that simple…
Thing is, I found a 7 month volunteering project in Italy, he even helped me out paying the whole thing because he knew we would be closer. So, in December last year, I packed my bags and left Bolivia to Italy, just to be closer to my partner. We arranged to meet for the first time on Christmas, we met, we spent 3 weeks together, waking up together, going to bed together, cooking together, showering together. It was something I never had before, cause in a way, he was my first everything…
After saying goodbye and him returning back to Norway, things started getting more difficult to meet again, specially because of the whole Coronavirus outbreak. He started withdrawing from me, ceasing to connect, we would rarely text or video call, he was moody, and my needs were no longer being met. Before things went to s***, I started looking for opportunities to move to Norway and finally make it official, cause as I said, I had to be the one moving in order to make this work…
Now, I was already feeling very lonely cause I barely know the country, I barely have any friends, and on top of that, a complete lockdown where I couldn’t even leave my house or go back home, for that matter. The person who I left everything for was drifting away…after a whole month of frustration, almost no communication, and me feeling super lonely, he called me two days ago and told me he didn’t wanted to be with me anymore and he wasn’t “feeling it” for months, and he flew to Italy to “see if it was the real thing”. Despite that, we both ended the relationship in good terms, with a lot of love and respect for each other, however, that doesn’t mean I’m not crushed and devastated.
What can I do to get over the heartbreak while being so lonely, away from my support system and unable to go back home indefinitely? I feel extremely lost and abandoned by the person I loved and left my life for…April 6, 2020 at 8:44 am #788796
Unfortunately, there is no cure for heartbreak other than “time.” I think the best thing for you to do with all this “time” is to buy some good self-help improvement books that inspires you to be the resilient, strong, confident and independent woman you are! To travel to strange country on your own takes some hutzpah, so take that strength and use it towards other things like setting short and long term goals (career, places you want to see, hobbies you want to try, etc), and then develop a plan on how to achieve them. Good news is you made it to Europe, whereas I lived in Italy when in the military and I loved it, so when this virus finally curbs, take time to see the sights, see their culture, smell the roses, and don’t allow a couple road block to get in your way.
Like they say “what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.” Trust me, you will get stronger as you look back at this experience and now know what not to do such as fall in love with strangers online who live on different continents :o)April 6, 2020 at 8:51 am #788797
I hope that in time you understand that this man did not have good intentions for you and he was not a good candidate for a relationship. And that in the future you can make out who is and who isn’t a good candidate. Other than that spend time reconnecting with friends and loved ones who do care about you and remember how that feels. Carry that feeling with you in everything you do from now on.
From what you wrote you made a huge commitment to someone who did not show you any indication he wanted that same commitment from you. So you have to ask why you would do that and what wrongs of the past are you fixing and what his wishy washiness and psychosis represent. It usually reminds us of one of our parents and our attempt to fix what was done to us once and for all. See if you can get into telecounselling. Now would be an excellent time. Don’t beat yourself up, great things will come of this.April 12, 2020 at 11:06 am #789147
Thank you for your replies. It’s gonna be almost two weeks since we broke up. And I found out he was back on hook up apps 3 days after dumping me, despite him saying “he needed to be alone and didn’t wanted to meet or be with anyone for a while” I feel horrible…and I’m still unable to go back home and
I feel extremely abandoned and stranded.
It feels so unfair to understand that every single effort I made didn’t matter enough for this confused man child…
I’ve been having pretty bad anxiety attacks and stuff, and I wonder if I will ever get better being so far away from my family…