I feel lost about our situation


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This topic contains 11 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Alice 2 months ago.

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  • #936998 Reply

    Alice

    I’ve been dating this guy for about over half a year now. But it has been on and off because once his ex wanted to come back and he met her to have a talk. He did tell me about this but he was very sad because his ex told him that she actually cheated on him before. I understand that it was a tough thing to hear but it’s a bit frustrating for me to see him being sad about someone else when he was with me. Cuz we were supposed to cook that day and he was feeling off because they used to cook together and it gave me flashbacks. So that night I couldn’t fall asleep thinking about this and he kind of just brushed it off. And the other day I was just feeling a bit frustrated.

    Then he had an accident so he was in hospital for a while. I wanted to go see him but I couldn’t enter the room so I haven’t seen him for a while. And after he got out of the hospital I went to see him but I feel like we didn’t really have much conversation and he kinda just want to have sex. Which is fine I guess, but I expected to do something more emotional? So I kind of avoided going to his place cuz he will just try to have sex. And after a few days I just said maybe we shouldn’t continue. ANd he said maybe we can hang out again when he reovered so he can actually get out of the house.

    So recently we started to hang out again. And he would want to see me more than before. We do go to dinners or get drinks. But usually he asked if I want to stop by to his place or come over. And sometimes I couldn’t make it. And he complained a lot about me not wanting to see him. And he would message me “I hate that I miss you. I wish I could just be like you and now care haha.”

    But I feel like he always had something that he wasn’t honest about. Those are not big deals but still it made me insecure.
    For example, the night he was sad about his ex, his ex’s friends kept calling him, and I asked him who is that, he said just alarms; and then he has a tufting carpet which is new and I saw that carpet on one of the girls IG that he follows. SO I asked who is the carpet from. He said a friend. I said not a date? He denied. BUt then he told me they dated.
    Also when we had dinner, he told he never chased a girl so hard like he did to me, he never tried so hard to keep asking a girl out and try to see her. It was usually the girl who wanted to see him. ANd then he showed me the message from a stranger girl that he met on dating apps a year ago (according to him), trying to prove that girls usually chase after him. ANd then by one of the message he stopped showing me. But I saw there are two more messages below that one, so I asked him what you said after that message. He said nothing and didn’t show me the phone. And then later he showed me but the messages were gone. I asked him why did you delete them. He said there wasnt any message below that at all and I was just tripping. BUt then later he finally admitted that it was just a message that’s a bit flirting. ANd he thinks that I would be mad so he hide it.

    There are just small things like this that made me doubt how genuine he is.
    After that night, I feel really off. ANd the other morning I went to his place. And we watched a movie, then I asked him what we are. He said he tried to make it work and see me but I was distant and he kinda just gave up cuz he doesn’t want to feel like he had to beg me to meet him. ANd I think we both have our reasons so we said maybe we should just be friends. He agreed.

    So now this is it. But I am still confused.
    I don’t know if he really liked me. I mean I guess he did and he said he did, cuz he did try to get me back even I told him maybe we shouldn’t continue like 2 times. But then why I just don’t feel secure? Am I wrong?
    I still like him and I want to try, but everytime after I met him, the insecurity came back. I don’t usually feel this way cuz usually you feel satisfied and happy coming home from a date. But with him I just feel a lot of doubts in my head. ANd it is driving me crazy.

    But at the same time, I keept questioning myself if I were pushing him away. If I did it wrong or maybe I should have done it better. There is so much going on in my head and I feel sad.

    #937024 Reply

    Claws

    He has a lot of baggage. He isn’t good for you, yet you give him the time and space in your mind.
    You are addicted to him.
    Wow, there is so much advice to give you that I don’t know where to start.

    #937028 Reply

    Lane

    In a nutshell, he is not “the one.” This isn’t worth all the angst and anxiety you feel. A strong healthy relationship feels the opposite of this one and that’s the type of relationship you need to be in.

    I know you are struggling to let him go but all your doing is prolonging the inevitable. Time to rip the band aid off, stop entertaining him, and find the man your meant to be with—its clearly not him.

    #937206 Reply

    Raven

    He lies, he’s lazy & insecure… Move on

    #937207 Reply

    Alice

    Hello claws, what do you mean by baggage?
    And yes it was hard and confusing. But he thinks that he likes me more than I like him because he always tries to hang out. I don’t know what’s in his mind. And I don’t know if I was the problem.

    #937210 Reply

    Alice

    Hi lane,
    Thank you. For now what bothers me is that he did kinda tried many times and he said he’s tired of trying and feelin g like he’s begging me. And that made me question myself. Like what if I messed it up.

    #937212 Reply

    Alice

    And also I don’t understand one thing. when I use TikTok, it has the people you may know on the feed page and I have all these Asian girls account on my page and he is the follower. Idk if this should be seen as a red flag somehow? It feels weird though. Cuz I am Asian and he has been dating many Asians before. Although not all of them but still a lot. And he said after me he kinda only wants to date asian. Which doesn’t make sense cuz I’m not the first one. and I don’t even know what that means. I think he’s trying to hype me up with that comment?
    And I asked him about this he said oh no he follows all kinds of people but obviously most of them are hot Asian girls. He said it’s because their content are funny.

    I mean It’s not wrong but idk how to feel about it.

    #937217 Reply

    Alice

    Hi Raven, yes I think you are right. I found him lying about things and I thought he could just be honest about them. But it is just confusing that he seems to really like me cuz he tried to meet me or see me. But also I don’t know if that really shows how much he liked me. He said he thought we were bf and gf but he never asked me to be his gf. He said dating exclusively means you are in a relationship. But I didn’t even know that we were…

    #937253 Reply

    Lane

    Alice, then just end all this confusion by having an upfront frank conversation about how he feels, you feel, what he wants with you, and what you want with him. After 1.5 years it shouldn’t be THIS HARD; it should be effortless (easy), clear, and with full knowledge and understanding of where you both stand. The big question is why are YOU making this so hard? If you don’t trust him, nor feel safe and secure then why waste so much time hanging around with someone who clearly doesn’t make you happy?

    #937339 Reply

    Brookie

    Time to go Go, chronic, pathological liar🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 and definitely not over his “ex.”

    #937444 Reply

    M

    Alice, he’s not a good guy and he’s treating you poorly. The reason you feel so insecure and bad about all this, is because your intuition is screaming out to you “GET OUT NOW!”.

    I’m Asian and I recognise a lot of the things you are saying about his preferences. It’s okay of course to have preferences, but for God’s sake treat the person you’re with well.

    If the things he says and does make you feel uncomfortable, then trust that feeling you have.

    Good relationships don’t feel like this in the way you’ve described.

    When you leave him behind, and start sorting for guys that consistently show you kindness and respect – over an extended period of time, you’ll find someone worth giving your time and energy to.

    My recommendation would be to put guys on hold for a bit and start doing something for yourself that you really love and brings you a lot of joy. Put your heart first. The guys will follow. It starts with you respecting your own feelings and wishes.

    Sending you love and wishing you well. May you become a truly strong courageous woman who knows her own worth! 🌟💖🌟

    #937512 Reply

    Alice

    Thank you guys! After a few days I realized he is not the guy I want and yes I think the red flags are there.
    A few days ago he sent me message saying he missed talking to me and I said as friends we can still talk. And then he started to say that it’s hard cuz he’s still attracted to me but he doesn’t want to hurt cuz I want something more like more serious. And that just kinda woke me up. I think it’s BS. So I am gradually moving on!

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