Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › How to change from FWB to girlfriend
- This topic has 6 replies and was last updated 4 years, 7 months ago by
Khadija.
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Tania
I was platonic friends with a guy for about 6 mos. Then we started getting physical. I couldn’t keep my hands off him and was i was weak in this regard. I felt like his feelings weren’t there much anymore as I had weak boundaries. I could see his interest waning. One night while having coffee at a shop, he just zoned out for 1 min or so. By that I mean he stared off into space like he wasn’t there with me at all.
Unfortunately I think he started to value me more as a physical body than me as a person. My mistake for letting this happen.
Is there any way I can reverse this and change the type of relationship we have? Or is it too late?
Paige
Move on.
Anon
To specifically answer your question you should try to distance yourself. Go out have fun with your friends and live your own life. Be busy and focus on your goals (genuinely). Be less available to him and he’ll start chasing you. Never give a guy too much of your time/attention.
At the same time I hate playing games and I prefer to be direct so on the mature point of view you can also just express to him how you feel and figure out his intentions. If he doesn’t feel the same I would suggest what I said above. Create distance to heal yourself and also to be open to people who may be willing to give you what you want
Trust me if he says he isn’t looking for anything serious you should stop fooling around with him and just be platonic. It’ll only be messier and he’ll recognize how low your standards are. If you’re cool with just being fwb then go for it who cares once you’re having fun and it isn’t affecting the important things in your life (health, career etc)
Tania
I understand the above responses.
I have distanced myself considerably & no longer reach out by phone or text. I did so to get over him. However every 2 weeks he coincidently bumps into me at different locations & starts to chat.
I like him quite a lot but feel I messed things up regarding his respect for me, by being excessively passionate. And focusing very little on getting to know each other as people.
When he bumps into me, should I just go with it & just focus on platonic? Or do you think he will only see me as an object from now on?
Maybe some men will say yes to platonic just to get physical with you again? I’m not sure how to read him as he is rather stoic with feelings
anne
Move on. He’s just to keen. Men chase what they want
Anon
If I’m understanding correctly he’s going 2 weeks without initiating dates/making plans? This to me seems like someone who isn’t really interested. When you bump into him be cordial and act cool. Stop blaming yourself for something that happened and stop seeing it as a loss. You were attracted to someone and you got to take your attraction to the next level! Great! Not everything fun turns into something. Maybe next time ask the guy his intentions first before sleeping with him.
I say go with it. Once the situation isn’t hurting you be cool and set boundaries (don’t sleep with him). OP you really have to know what you want at this point. The guy doesn’t seem to show much care or interest so it’s really up to you. I’m not saying block him out completely but do you really want to be stuck in the friend zone/ fwb situation with someone you actually like? I mean for you to post all of this you must have feelings. Be cool but keep your distance wrt intimacy because he isn’t doing much work to get it/show that he even sees you like more than a fwb
Khadija
Stop hooking up with him because there is nothing you can do to change how someone feels.
Either he has feelings for you or he doesn’t.
We can’t make anyone choose us.
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