how to be sexy without overtly so, when to have sex, and.. sexting


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This topic contains 10 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  anon 3 weeks, 4 days ago.

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  • #777187 Reply

    Sylvia

    So the oldest question.. How long to wait? Does it having too early really kills your chances? I slept with two guys right away because I was so into them, I might even seduced them myself and.. they didn’t even want to have sex again. I’m grateful I avoided FWB but it stings.. to this day I think “why”.
    Also.. how to spice things up before sex but in a way that guy won’t find me “easy”? Would you pretend to be a little less experienced in some things because guys are hypocritical and again you can get “easy” label.
    The last question – sexting. Especially before an official date. How to act on a date after you sexted him? Can you still be relationship material, deny sex and say you want a relationship first? Oh and how to say “no” to nudes once and for all. You’re the best!

    #777191 Reply

    Liz Lemon

    If you want a relationship with a guy, don’t lead with sex. No sexting. No “spicing things up”. No sleeping with them immediately.

    Focus on getting to know him, talking, seeing what you have in common. A guy who wants a relationship should be taking you on real dates, no “hanging out” at his house. He should be wanting to spend time with you and getting to know you outside the bedroom.

    A guy that wants to sext with you or have sex right away is not interested in a relationship. If you are, then walk away.

    There is a good article on this site about “how long to wait” before having sex with a guy. Look for it, it’s really helpful. It’s not about the length of time you wait, it’s about the connection and bond you establish beforehand. Don’t have sex with a guy until you have connected on an emotional level. That could happen after 3 dates, or 5 or 7, or 10, etc. Likewise if you sleep with a guy before he’s bonded with you, having sex with him will not create a bond. It doesn’t matter how many dates you’ve been on. It’s not the number of dates, it’s the quality of your connection.

    #777194 Reply

    Newbie

    You want a guy tio like you for you. And honestly the gut wante that too. He can get sex anywhere so that doesnt get him triggered at all. They want their woman to be one of a kind, that gets him, respects him. A confident and independent woman is the most desireable to most men
    Sexting, spicing it up will only make you end up in booty call land. You know that already.

    #777195 Reply

    Newbie

    Sorry for the typo’s: the guy wants that too

    #777197 Reply

    Vera

    Ya I agree . Sex is just sex . One girl’s sex isn’t going to be so special compared to the next girl . Having sex doesn’t get him more hooked . A girl should never lead with sex – in fact I try to minimize that aspect early on to weed out the guys who just want that . If you feel there’s an emotional connection and YOU want to have sex regardless of the consequences , then do it . But there is no special formula – like waiting 10 + dates to do it won’t guarantee he will stay with you , but may help weed out some guys who can’t wait that long because sex is all they want .

    #777199 Reply

    Tallspicy

    No special formula, but I do not have sex with any man I am not exclusive with. They know on date 3 or 4 that I want something serious with the right person, and I also tell them early that I am attracted to them, but no sex until exclusivity. They we round the bases a little as we decide together.

    And to sexting – NO NO NO NO. Even after sex. We would have to be together a long time before any photos or that malarkey.

    #777200 Reply

    Tallspicy

    How to say no to nudes?

    “Easy there tiger, I am not a send selfies type of girl ;-)”

    If you are truely sexting and sending photos of nudes before a date, I think you may want to look at where your boundaries are if you want a relationship. If you don’t, no shame, but if you want a relationship, sex does not create it, but it does create bonding for women.

    #777201 Reply

    Sylvia

    Actually I’m totally not that type to hate ONS. I hate nudes but guys sometimes just like asking for them after repeatedly hearing “no”.
    After being worried about being too easy (I slept with two guys right away 6 weeks apart) my friend suggested me to act innocent and just tease. Even when I get together/about to get together don’t tell about my kinks and experiences and let him think he opened me more sexually etc. the whole madonna/whore complex. Let’s say I liked anal sex. How quickly can I guy know that? Obviously during the first hook up with him I can’t do that with him because of the bad impression?
    Honestly, I once thought a guy I met at language school and I had both chemistry and that we had that connection but maybe it was how he operated – “wounded bird”, I felt special etc. The crazy thing is that we met up for a second time (so he was at least a bit interested and sex didn’t turn him off completely) but this time we talked, connection etc and I acted friendly, not sexy at all, like a good friend because I was gauging his response. Now I wish I created some tension after all. I could see he was wondering what to do (sleep with me again or not), he decided not to. (a guy declining sex? wow!). When he didn’t msg me the next day I blocked his number (I don’t have social media) and I regret this sudden move and will never know if he’d ghost/friendzone/maybe a bit into me. So this guy made me think to this day what happened! There is no point in unblocking him after all this time and asking about closure and his opinion of me, right?

    #777203 Reply

    Liz Lemon

    Sorry but I’m not sure what you’re asking? Your last comment is kinda all over the place…

    I have no problem with one night stands either if that’s what people want to do. As long as you recognize a one night stand for what it is. I got the impression that you want more than a ONS, right? Isn’t that what you’re asking?

    I’ve never had a guy who wasn’t already my established boyfriend ask me to send him nude pics. So I’m not sure what you mean about guys pressuring you for nudes even after you’ve said no. It’s never happened to me.

    As for a guy knowing your kinks (like anal sex), that usually comes with time. Ideally if you’re having sex with a guy, you’re communicating about it and talking about your likes and dislikes. As you build up trust and intimacy over time, that kind of stuff comes out, I find.

    I don’t think it’s wrong to discuss kinks the 1st time you have sex necessarily; but you also don’t want to rush or force the intimacy. I mean, you don’t want to give him everything the 1st time you have sex, right? You want to get closer and develop an emotional bond with a guy before you start getting into kinky stuff. I’ve been with my boyfriend about 19 months now and the sex we have now is much kinkier/freakier than it was when we 1st started having sex. At times we have more vanilla sex, at times we have kinkier sex, it varies; but since we’ve been together awhile now we have deeper trust and commitment, so we feel freer to be more kinky. You can’t expect the same comfort level with a guy you just barely started sleeping with.

    I’m sorry if this doesn’t make sense or doesn’t answer your question but to be honest I’m not sure what you’re asking, sorry!

    #777238 Reply

    Lane

    Men do not think this way about sex! To them its like eating a steak, they don’t care what it looks like on the plate, whether it has parsley, rolled in oats or doused with sauce—if its edible they will eat it—to them its just a piece of meat like all the other meat (pork, ribs, burgers) they eat.

    You need to understand human biology. Women and men have different hormones that are released during sex or physical contact SPIKE, but they operate wholly opposite. Women’s release hormones that are the same one’s that bond a woman to her newborn child so its very potent stuff! Men don’t get this spike in hormones, in fact, theirs are depleted during sex and have a compelling need to *get away* from the woman to get their hormones, especially testosterone, back to normal levels which is why they can have sex with 10 ladies in a week and feel absolutely nothing!

    Men bond with a ladies personality and energy, what I call the *it factor* as they are both tangible (looks, how she talks, how she acts) and intangible (smells, body language) traits that a woman possesses that makes his stomach flutter to the point he can’t get you off his mind and is naturally drawn to you like a moth is to a flame. In a nutshell, men fall in love through their stomach (flutters, butterflies), not a romp in the hay!

    #777242 Reply

    anon

    Sexting and nudes are treats reserved for men in committed relationships.

    I just tell guys I don’t send nudes, no one ever walked away from that. Also, never sext until you have at least met a guy in person.

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