How to ask my boyfriend to give more effort?

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This topic contains 4 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Liz Lemon 1 month, 2 weeks ago.

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  • #928814 Reply


    My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a month. He lives two and a half hours away so once a week we both drive around an hour to meet up for a date. (I usually have to drive longer than he does) Of course we are still learning about each other because it’s a new relationship but I feel like he’s not giving the same effort I am. Since we are technically long distance we rely on texting to communicate, but he’s very dry with his responses most of the time, and doesn’t ever facetime me for long. I expressed that I felt like he wasn’t putting in enough effort while texting and I was struggling to feel connected, and he apologized and said he just wasn’t raised to really text (we’re both 19 and were raised in households with plenty of technology). He made an effort for about a day and it’s now a week later and he’s back to being dry with his responses and cycling through the same handful of answers. I don’t want to seem clingy or needy so I haven’t brought it up again. How should I approach this?

    #928815 Reply


    What would happen if you took a step back & stopped putting in so much effort?

    Why are you long distance?

    #928816 Reply


    You’re only 19 ! No one is forcing you to be with him .
    Who is arranging the dates ? And initiating ?
    Men respond to silence not to words so step back and see what he does .

    #928834 Reply


    The initiation of dates is about 50/50, and he stil offers to pay every time, but it seems like outside of when we’re on the actual dates theres no effort involved. Taking a step back and not putting in effort seems like a great idea, it’ll show how much he’s paying attention to me.

    #928843 Reply

    Liz Lemon

    How did you meet?

    How many times have you met in person? If you see each other once a week and have been dating a month, you’ve seen eachn other in person about 4 times then?

    It still very early on & you’re barely getting to know each other. This just may be the way your boyfriend is. Not everyone is a great texter. It has nothing to do with being comfortable with technology, some people are just not that into it.

    And some people aren’t aren’t at long distance. They’re better at in person relationships. Long distance is hard.

    All you can do is sit back and see if your boyfriend is a good fit for you. If you’re having communication issues this early on, it may be that you’re just not meant for each other. Dating is about finding someone who’s a good match for you– not everyone you date will be.

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