How long is normal for a man to be 'in his cave'?


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This topic contains 16 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Ss 1 month, 2 weeks ago.

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  • #353724 Reply

    Kim

    The guy I’m with has been in his ‘man cave’ for over a week now. I know work has been stressful for him recently and he can only focus on one thing at a time, but now it’s been 9 days, I’m starting to worry about him. Is this normal? I know there is no set amount of time that a guy needs his space, but should I contact him?
    Part of me thinks that he may be mad at me because last week he texted me saying work was really stressful and he apologised in advance that he is going to be swamped, and I forgot to reply for a few days. I wouldn’t think that would bother guys and I think I’m making it worse for myself trying to think too much about this situation. I just need some advice

    #353752 Reply

    Tamara

    Kim,

    I don’t know if you forgot to answer during few days or decided not to answer during this time, but maybe he can see that as a game. Or a passive agressive thing. He was saying he can’t be there often and apologizing and you ignored it. How would you feel if the role were reversed?

    When you say “the guy I am with”, it makes me Wonder if he is your bf and what is your status, how long do you know each other?

    Plus, how often do you see each other?

    After all, it s up to you to decide if what he gives you is enough for you, it s what you want, if you get along well, if you love each other…

    For the moment yes you could send him a short text to see how he is.

    #353755 Reply

    Kim

    Thanks for your advice Tamara.

    Well at first I didn’t want to bother him so I wanted to give him space, but after 5 days I noticed that I hadn’t sent the text I had saved, so I sent it then. All I said was that I hope he was managing to relax as well as work, but didn’t ask him any questions. Maybe I should have asked how he was then but didn’t want to seem needy.
    We haven’t put an official label on our relationship but we have been together for about 3 months.

    #353786 Reply

    Kim

    What do you think I should say in my text?

    #353787 Reply

    Tamara

    Kim,

    I would love to help you on this. But the thing is I tend to speak my mind.

    So ok you ignored his text for days. But in an other hand, do you think he is giving enough time to your “Relationship”?

    What do you want? A Relationship? If so, look at how he behaves with you, if you think it s what you want or not. What does he want? Has he told you he is looking for a Relationship?

    I don’t know what he thinks now. Is he annoyed because he thought you ignored him or doesn’t he care enough of you?

    What do you want to send?

    #353789 Reply

    Kim

    Until recently, he was always the one to text me first, and to be honest I found it a bit off putting and needy of him, but I started getting used to it and found it comforting. Since his manic schedule at work he hasn’t been as talkative, but still texting daily until recently. I asked him how his weekend was after not hearing from him in 2 days and he replied minutes later apologising for not contacting as work was crazy busy. I them didn’t reply until 5 days later …you know the rest.

    Before this happening we had planned our next date night, where he wanted to cook for me. He has been so loving and honest with me, and he always gives me his full attention when we are together. This is why I’m so confused about this situation. I couldn’t have seen it coming at all!! I’ve been texting him first the last 2 times and I haven’t noticed a change in his behaviour and he is always replying to me straight away until now.

    I want to send him something that will make him smile, but not too cringy. He got me into the series Breaking Bad which I’m addicted to, so maybe something light hearted.??

    #353790 Reply

    Tamara

    Ok so yes, this guy seems to be a keeper and it also seems you took him/his kindness and attentiosn for granted.

    So yes, he must have felt annoyed to see you didn’t bother to answer and that he was always putting all the effort.

    Yes a light-hearted funny text to let him know you think of him/miss him and want to be in touch…

    #353792 Reply

    Kim

    Thank you so much for your help Tamara. Really appreciate it :)

    #353794 Reply

    Tamara

    You are welcome!

    Give some updates! :-) Good luck!

    #525707 Reply

    Rosi

    Me and my husband lives on a long distance.
    However, our communication were very frequent and strong till 3 weeks ago.
    our visa process start frustrating him because he knows it\’s his fault for us not to live together by now. He is very slow so our paper works start getting expire and rules changed at the Embassy which put us into money shortage to proceed. So he stop communicating with me and start to spend more time out drinking,sleep over & dont answer my phone call whenever he is out and i call him,not going to work, etc. Now we are communicating once in a week or once in 3/4 days, he stays offline most of the time, which he never does before. I even ask him to visit at least if the visa doesn’t work out to soon which he promised me but he doesn\’t keep. I know he has financial problems but he is still going out and spending more money which he was supposed to save and help us through this problem, i also insist to share half of the money as long as we are in this together but he refused. So from all the above, do you think he is in a cave or he is avoiding me, or does he start a new affair. Currently whether he reads it or not or he is online or offline, i am just sending him normal messages every day like how my day was and i love him, he sometimes answer only short text like he is ok etc but now i am getting tired and feel unwanted . What should I do next?

    #525776 Reply

    Raven

    Rosi…
    You will get more successful advice if you start a new post… This original post is 2 years old.

    #562305 Reply

    Charlotte Westhorp

    Boyfriend of 3 years has been living with his friend. Last Friday I had no communication after making plans for the weekend only to discover he had moved house without bothering to tell me. Since then I’ve had no contact but worried all weekend

    #562316 Reply

    Shannon

    Charlotte, that is very strange. Stands you up, moves without telling you and hasn’t been in contact. After three years he does this? I think you seriously need to consider if this is the kind of man you want in your life. That is, if he hasn’t ghosted on you…this is just bizarre behavior.

    #611936 Reply

    ter123

    I have this man i love, he disappears for weeks or even month,when i text no response at all. when i give up he finally appears again, he has done this for almost a year, i love him deary but am confused because he gives me mixed signals.
    please help is it worth to be with him?

    #611985 Reply

    SthrnBelle

    I have no idea why women think that disappearing guys give mixed signals. It is clearly one signal I AM NOT INTERESTED IN YOU. The most I want is to play with you, see multiple girls and ghost you when I so wish. I also have no clue why the original OP was advised to keep the guy who was an angel, sure it is very normal for a guy to not even text for two weeks and surely his interest level is extremely high, he is just so busy he cannot even find one minute to send a text or perhaps he is too shy to send one. Why do women not see the obvious?

    You need to love reality not what you made up in your head. You should put yourself outside the situation and look at a man rationally BEFORE you fall head over heels for someone who probably does not exist. Look at a man´s actions and decide if he is worthy.

    #837698 Reply

    Nis

    We’ve been texting for 6 months now – 4 months of daily text, initiated by him and calls in between. He was so busy with work that we never made plan to meet.
    I asked on the 4th month about meeting and he said that month .. 3 weeks in I asked again when he called and he said end of the month or the first week of the next month. I asked for the date a week later; he said he couldn’t confirm it so I asked if he is genuinely interested to meet and he said of course he is.
    The dynamic of the communication changed then – I had to text him first and even on days he did he seem distant. A week later I shared my feelings and asked him to share his – I said ai want a relationship and it doesn’t have to be him but I want him to be honest. He said he wanted the same and it took him awhile to decide that (he is a widower of 5 years).
    He started texting daily although not as ‘warm’ but then he had health issue and again he pulled away. He dropped me a sweet message and then disappeared until I reached out saying I hate this icky feeling. He apologised saying he’s not pulling away but he has been going through a rough patch. He started texting again but I feel it is more like an obligation so I told him that I understand he needs to focus on the issue he’s dealing with. Nothing eversince unless I reach out to him. Now how long do I need to wait now?

    #837723 Reply

    Ss

    Hi,

    You will probably get more responses if you start your own thread. But the straight forward answer is you don’t wait. You live your life. This man is essentially still a stranger as you’ve never met and he is stringing you along about meeting for months now!

    You really have over invested in a man you’ve never met. You certainly should not be confronting him and that has likely pushed him away even more as its very needy to have such expectations of a stranger.

    I’d pull back and see what he does but I suspect it will be more of the same stringing along or he will just disappear

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